Miracles Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Miracles jokes. There are some miracles miracle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these miracles heal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Humorous Miracles Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

A man is pulled over for drunk driving

The cop walks up to his window,

Sir, have you been drunk driving?

No sir! Says the man

What's in that bottle? Says the cop

Just water sir! Says the man

The cop says, Hand it to me and let me see

The man hands him the bottle and the cop says sir this is wine

The man says praise the lord and all his miracles!

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work...

He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An hour later Bill comes out with his arm reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill leans in too close again and chops off his leg. Bob puts Bill's leg in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 2 hours later Bill comes out with his leg reattached. "Ah, the miracles of modern medicine," says Bob.

A few weeks later, Bill once again leans in too close and lops off his head. Bob puts Bill's head in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. 3 hours go by and finally a doctor emerges from the surgery room. He walks over to Bob and says, "I'm sorry, but your friend didn't make it." Bob is distraught and says, "But the miracles of modern medicine have samed him before. Why couldn't you reattach his head?" The doctor replies, "We would have been able to, but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

A ship is sinking in the middle of Atlantic...

A ship is going down in the middle of Atlantic. There's no hope, the captain is desperate, and suddenly someone tells him that among the passengers, there's a rabbi who can perform miracles.

The rabbi is immediately brought to the captain, and he implores him:

-- Rabbi, what can be done?!

-- Do you still have the internet connection?

-- Yes!

-- Sell the ship!

Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles.

1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard.

A police officer pulls someone over

The officer asks the man "What's in the bottle sir?"

"It's just water!" replies the man.

"Sir this is clearly alcohol." says the police officer, clearly able to smell the contents of the bottle.

The very obviously drunk man begins to shout "Praise the Lord and his miracles!"

Cop stopped me...

Cop stopped me.

Me: A problem, officer?

Cop: what's that bottle?

Me: it's just water, officer

Cop: but this is wine, sir

Me: praise the lord & his miracles.

Miracles joke, Cop stopped me...

Blonde and The Holy Man

Blonde: "I have heard that you can perform miracles. Can you demonstrate it to me?"

Holy Man: "Sure, why not. Remove your jeans, turn around and then bend down".

Blonde does as asked.

Holy Man: "Now can you feel my finger?"

Blonde: "Yes".

Holy Man: "But see, both my hands are up".

Blonde: "Wow. Superb".

A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are having a discussion about miracles...

At a monastery

3 disabled friars are walking the grounds of the monastery. 1 blind, 1 deaf and 1 in a wheelchair. They walk past a lake and the blind one says it is a holly lake that miracles occur in. The guy in the wheelchair says let's try. The blind guy enters and when he comes out he says "what a beautiful morning" . The deaf guy enters and when he comes out says "listen to the birds". The guy in the wheelchair rolls in and when he comes out exclaims "NEW WHEELS"

Of all of Jesus Christ's miracles, the most impressive one is...

...having twelve close friends after the age of 30.

You can explore miracles reattached reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean miracles car crash miracle dad jokes. There are also miracles puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What happens to printers that perform miracles?

They get Canonized.

School shooting rates in America have dropped by crazy amounts over the past 2 months

The Summertime truly does bring miracles

After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and yet he kept it beside him the rest of his life...

...he just couldn't part with it.

The Seven Miracles of the Soviet Union

Miracle 1: Everyone had a job.
Miracle 2: Even though everyone had a job, no one worked.
Miracle 3: Even though no one worked, the project was always completed beyond expectations.
Miracle 4: Even though the project was always completed beyond expectation, there was never anything to buy.
Miracle 5: Even though there was never anything to buy, everyone had everything they could want.
Miracle 6: Even though everyone had everything they could want, everyone still stole.
Miracle 7: Even though everyone stole, nothing was ever missing.

A genie grants a man one wish

The man says 'I want a superhighway that connects New York and Moscow'.
The genie says 'Woah, I can grant wishes, not miracles. Do you have a easier wish?'
The man thinks and says 'um ok...I want to fully understand women.'
The genie looks at him and says 'ok, so how many lanes did you want on that highway?'

Miracles joke, A genie grants a man one wish

For those that don't believe in miracles

My wife has had 3 virgin births. We are truly blessed.

He arrives mysteriously. He helps others, performs miracles, gets betrayed, and finally ascends into the heavens.

E.T. was a great movie.

My wife must think I'm God

She keeps bringing me burnt offerings and is always on at me to perform miracles for her.

What do you call an elk that can perform miracles?

Deer Lord

Jesus's miracle

Who said Jesus didn't perform miracles? He found mates called Matthew, Mark, Luke and John just hanging about in The Middle East.

As a kid I always thought that Jesus was unbelievable...

...I thought it was impossible for him to perform all of those miracles in just the four months between Christmas and Easter.

People pray a lot for miracles to happen

So basically miracles are Pray Per View

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the miracles cardinals puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working miracles unscathed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes