Minus Jokes
44 minus jokes and hilarious minus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Minus Short Jokes
Short minus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minus humour may include short subtract jokes also.
- I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken... On the plus side, it still worked.
- It started to rain suddenly so I lent this attractive young woman my umbrella. That takes the total number of hot girls I have made wet this year to minus one.
- This joke MIGHT fly over some of y'alls heads. I asked my pet cat what's two minus two. He said nothing.
- I asked a friend if he likes his job at the battery factory. He said it has pluses and minuses...
- My son asked if I could help him with his math homework. He said "Do I know the square root of minus 1?" I said "aye"
- Q: If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A: A million dollars minus 75 cents.
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units - Being an anti-vaxxer is like supporting the abortion minus the time factor!
- Maths is like s*x...
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY. - If the Swiss flag is a big plus... ... the austrian flag is a big minus.
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Minus One Liners
Which minus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minus? I can suggest the ones about sans and ides.
- What's the worst thing about Austria? I don't know, but the flag is a big minus.
- What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
- Funerals are like family reunions minus one
- Who else would like to see a puppet show, minus the puppets? Let's see a show of hands.
- I asked my cats "what's five minus five?", they said nothing.
- What's infinity minus one? A sideways seven.
- A man asks his dog what is two minus two. The dog says nothing.
- I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
- Dress really warm tomorrow... ... it's going to be minus 45
- the weather here is like the royal family Minus 1
- I taught my cat mathematics. I asked her "What's three minus three?"
She said nothing. - It's so cold outside... even the ATM shows minus.
- What's 11q minus 1q? You're welcome.
- What did the astronaut get on his science project? He received a T minus.
- what did they call the Mexican after losing a finger minus juan
Heartwarming Minus Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about minus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean downside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minus pranks.
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
A businessman is at the office.
He was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? " he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings. "
Georgia joke
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
A mathematician goes into an insane asylum
He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:
How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.
A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...
A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"
She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"
Math
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
A plus sign, a multiplication sign , and a minus sign walk into a bar.
The bartender serves the multiplication sign first, then he serves the plus sign, and the minus sign from left to right and a bunch of people from Facebook don't know why.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked "What is 1 + 1"?
The mathematician says "2"
The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1"
The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".
Tried to tranlate a joke
After bridge collapsed man decided to cross the river. While he cross something grabbed his b**... and voice came out from underneath plus two or minus two? Man had no idea what was going on and said plus two . After he passed he realized he has four b**... now. When he was coming back he thought if that b**... asks me again I will say minus two , and started crossing. That thing grabbed his b**... again and voice came out plus four or minus four? .
In Kent a business man was con
In Kent a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Essex and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings!"
A teacher asks her class: "How long can a human being survive without sleeping?"
Mary on the first row responds: "24h".
Peter on the second row responds: "48h".
Then the teacher sees John, daydreaming as usual, and asks him: "What do you think John?"
John goes, "I think... 3 weeks minus 15 minutes."
"Come on John", the teacher says, "Why it doesn't surprise me that you are the one giving me this ridiculous answer."
"Listen Miss Boomer", John replies, "Say what you want but yesterday evening I heard my dad say to my mom: today, we're going to bed 15 min earlier because it has been 3 weeks."
I tried to come up with a math joke...
but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it
has left me divided
and at my limit.
Most people have 32 teeth, I have 10 plus 15 minus 3 ...
trust me, I did the m**....