Minnesota Jokes
70 minnesota jokes and hilarious minnesota puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minnesota that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious Minnesota jokes! If you're a fan of the Minnesota Vikings, Hot Dish, accent, Wild, Winter, Gopher, Nice, Twins, or State Fair - then you'll love these jokes. We also explore the differences between Minnesota and neighboring states like Illinois, Wyoming, and Duluth.
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Funniest Minnesota Short Jokes
Short minnesota jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minnesota humour may include short minnesota vikings jokes also.
- Did you hear that people in Minnesota are very excited this year? summer is forecasted to be on a weekend!
- Why do the Minnesota vikings wear purple as a team color? If you've been choking for 50 years, you'd be purple too!
- Why doesn't the NFL give Iowa a professional football team? Because then Minnesota would want one.
- Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.
(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it) - Why don't the Minnesota Vikings eat cereal? Every time they get close to the bowl, they choke!
- Why don't University of Wisconsin football players ever date University of Minnesota cheerleaders? Ever seen what a badger does to a gopher hole?
- What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common? Neither one has a title
- What did the little person order to drink while at a bar in Minneapolis? a Minnesota
- Famous Deaths happen in 3s... Sunday it was Mr Fuji,
Yesterday it was Gene Wilder,
Today it was the Minnesota Vikings season. - Do you know what Minnesota doesn't have? Super Bowl Babies.
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Minnesota One Liners
Which minnesota one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minnesota? I can suggest the ones about minnesota twins and winter.
- The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar To watch the Super Bowl
- New York is where you find the Big Apple. Minnesota is where the Minneapolis.
- What state is named after a small drink? Minnesota
- Is the Big Apple in Minnesota? No, but the Minneapolis.
- Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
- Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Because that's where the mini apple is!
- Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota!
- In Minnesota, it gets so cold... ...that you can eat softserve directly from the udder!
- You know it's cold in Minnesota when.... Everyone goes to ice arena to warm up.
- What did Delaware? Idaho, Alaska.
As soon as I finish my Minnesota. - What do you drink with a small lunch? A Minnesota!
- What do midwesterners call Minnesota? Minnepop.
- What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da.
- I just learned that the big apple isn't a city in Minnesota... but Minneapolis
- Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents? November and December.
Minnesota Vikings Jokes
Here is a list of funny minnesota vikings jokes and even better minnesota vikings puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Minnesota Vikings lost their QB to a season ending knee injury. But that's just Water under the Bridge now.
- Please contact MinneapolisPD if you wish to assist in the locating of the Minnesota Vikings defense.
- Campbell's Soup has announced they're severing their sponsorship deals with the Minnesota Vikings
- I'm so glad the Vikings are headed to Minnesota for the super bowl.... As fans.
Uplifting Minnesota Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about minnesota you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean minnesota vikings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minnesota pranks.
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
A Blond Joke from Minnesota.....
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero
when a blonde named Sherry got off work.She made her way to her car and
wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She
finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she
should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get
stuck in a snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow
went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and
she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been
following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her
daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted,
but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Pentagon Contract
A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.
Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.
The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.
'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'
The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.
The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'
The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.
I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.
The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'
I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.
The only joke I've ever heard from my mother
my mother just returned from Minnesota and relayed in horror that my uncle told this joke to a nurse at my grandmothers deathbed (thus telling me the joke)
Olley's on his deathbed and tells his wife to come closer. "Marry Sven" he gasps. "But honey I thought you hated, Sven?"
"I do."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chicago Bears' fan, a Minnesota Viking's fan, and a Detroit Lions' fan find a genie in a bar...
The 3 fans are sitting at the bar when suddenly, a genie comes out of a bottle of v**... the bartender opens.
[](/sp)
The genie says to the bartender: "Congratulations, you have released me from my prison, and to repay you for that, I shall allow you to make 3 wishes your heart most desires and make them come true." The bartender faints from the sheer sight of a real genie in his bar.
[](/sp)
Seeing this, the genie says: "Well, it looks like he's not waking up. You three gentlemen are the only here, so you'll have to split the wishes to 1 each. What do your hearts most desire?"
[](/sp)
The Chicago Bears' fan says: "I want all Minnesota Vikings' fans were shot and thrown out of a bridge."
[](/sp)
The Minnesota Vikings' fan says: "Oh yeah, well I want all Chicago Bears' fans were lynched and choked to death."
[](/sp)
They kept battling each other, throwing one insult after another. Meanwhile, the genie turned to the Detroit Lions' fan and asks the same question: "What do you wish for ?"
[](/sp)
The 3rd fan says: "Me? I want a cup of coffee."
21st Birthdays
A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.
So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."
Who is consistently the best pro sports team to watch in Minnesota?
The visitors.
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being football fans ... Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south ?
Because Minnesota blows & Chicago s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west?
Minnesota s**....
Norwegian History
The toilet seat was invented by a Swede in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakota Norwegian invented the hole in it.
Tequila Addiction
They're opening a new center to treat tequila addiction in Rochester, Minnesota. It will be known as the cinco de mayo Clinic.
Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...
...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
What American State sells small pop cans?
Mini-Soda (Minnesota)
So I was reading licence plates...
The first car was from Minnesota, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom said "10,000 Lakes". I thought to myself "They must put the State Slogan there." The next car was from Arkansas, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom, it read "Disabled"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If we legalized m**... in Minnesota...
... we could afford to fill in our potholes.
An old Minnesota farmer found out the Minnesota and Iowa state border had been surveyed incorrectly.
When they told him his house was actually in Iowa by 10 feet He said, "Thank god. No more Minnesota Winters!"
What type of soda does the Coca-Cola company sell the most of in the Midwest?
Minnesotas!
Nancy Pelosi was asked by reporters if she's going to attend the 49ers game against the Minnesota Vikings.
Nancy Pelosi: I have, unfortunately, responsibilities to save our country from peril this weekend.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he's needs a drink so he goes to a local bar
He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks you ain't from around here are you?
No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota
What the h**... do you do in Minnesota the bartender asks.
Im a taxidermist! The man replies.
What the h**... is that!? The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a midget cop who talks a lot in Minnesota?
A Minneapolis( mini yap police).
Minnesota humor
My family and I used to go camping on the BWCA. The mosquitoes were pretty bad, but we took care of 'em.
We'd capture 'em and pull out the stingers.
And then we'd just use 'em as tent stakes.
