Minister Jokes
158 minister jokes and hilarious minister puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minister that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This collection of minister jokes features all kinds of religious figures, from the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to an Ordained Minister to a Rabbi, Priest, or Lutheran. Enjoy these puns and stories, ranging from Yes Minister to Cathedral bell ringer.
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Funniest Minister Short Jokes
Short minister jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minister humour may include short secretary jokes also.
- The UK Prime Minister just announced her resignation. This is not surprising. It is the end of May, after all.
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada It's Trudeau.
- king Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- The American President has challenged the british Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. - A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect . - I just heard that the Swedish prime minister quit after just a few hours And I thought I was the only one who couldn't put together a swedish cabinet.
- When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying. It's Trudeau.
- If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
- My son asked if he could meet the British Prime Minister I said "Boris Johnson? Liz Truss will probably be too busy. What do you want to meet Rishi Sunak for anyway?"
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Minister One Liners
Which minister one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minister? I can suggest the ones about pastor and preacher.
- ceo of IKEA is now the Prime Minister of Sweden He is currently assembling his cabinet.
- I heard a rumour about the canadian Prime Minister Not sure if it's Trudeau.
- I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?
- Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.
- Some people don't think Justin is the prime minister of Canada. It's Trudeau
- My Jewish minister bit me.. He gave me rabbis.
- The British Prime Minister resigned today. I guess the people lost their Truss.
- Jeff Bezos has never been the President of Amazon. Just the Prime Minister.
- What do you call a 4 foot 1 preacher? A MINIster
- What time did the Monster eat the prime minister? 8PM
- Why does it smell so bad in Moscow? The prime minister has been Putin since 1999
- Can you believe the Canadian prime minister's name isn't Trump? It's Trudeau...
- The Dutch ate their prime minister in 1672 They had a good taste in politics
- Church of Meat What do you call the leader of the Church of Meat?
Prime Minister - My friend would not believe Canada has a new prime minister It's Tru-deau.
Prime Minister Jokes
Here is a list of funny prime minister jokes and even better prime minister puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.
- Look I am getting old. This morning I was chasing my secretary to do her on the table and she said: Prime Minister we only did it two hours ago
- People don't believe me when I tell them Trump is the Prime Minister of Canada It's true doe.
- I am extremely proud of my son who chose a career in organised crime He became the prime minister of the country
- I didn't believe my friend when he told me who the Canadian Prime Minister was... turns out it was Trudeau.
- What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana? He re-peeled it.
- I heard the Prime Minister of Canada's middle name is Kaesits. I can't verify this, but I'm still sharing it Justin Kaesits Trudeau.
- The Australian Prime Minister walks into a bar. He wanders over to the bartender and... wait, he's not the Prime Minister anymore. The jokes doesn't work now. Sorry guys.
- Why is google angry with the Prime Minister of Israel? Because he prefers to browse the net in yahoo
- If Britain lost the second World War... Would the Prime Minister be known as Loseton Churchill?
Minister Priest Rabbi Jokes
Here is a list of funny minister priest rabbi jokes and even better minister priest rabbi puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Minister All Had to Go to the Hospital They got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much
- A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar... The bartender says "If you're not freaking out about Net Neutrality right now, you're not paying attention."
- I recently had a wakeup call when I had a priest, then a rabbi, then a minister all tell me I had a drinking problem. Boy, I'm glad they all walked into that bar when they did.
- Another tale from the bar. A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a monkey, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
- A man walks into a parallel universe and sits down at the bar. In comes a priest, a rabbi and a minister
- A priest, a rabbi, and a minister are all in a rowboat. Despite their differences, they have a lovely afternoon.
- A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a library.... The librarian stops them. "What, do you think this is a BAR?"
- A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
*No, wait...*
Share Hilarious Minister Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about minister you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean priest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minister pranks.
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.
No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
It is difficult to tell who gives some couples the most happiness.
The minister who marries
them or the judge who divorces them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Baptist ministers were eating lunch when one went on and on about young people having s**... before marriage. He said, God forbids it. It is a sin and I didn't have s**... with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?
The other minister thinks and then says, I don't think so, what was her maiden name?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.
A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest p**... suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...
Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Portions
The minister was coming over for Sunday dinner so mom told the boys they had to wait until the minister had his portion before they could eat. The younger boy asked 'how much is a portion' and the older boy responded 'I don't know, let's watch the minister to figure it out'. So they watched the minister take his food first then the younger boy said to the older boy 'I know what a portion is'. The older boy said, 'what is it?'. The younger boy responded d**... near all of it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The gift.
Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.
He asked me for my two cents.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
TIL the current Prime Minister of of Canada has a tattoo, and is in a cover band called the Van Cats, but...
...only the first part was Trudeau.
"Is it proper for one man to profit from the mistakes of another?"
A man asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the clergyman's answer.
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely!"
"In that case," said the guy, "would you mind returning the $50 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Why is it easier to pick a prime minister than any other leader?
Because there's only 2 factors involved.
After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:
"We'll tear your Seoul apart"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship
When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"f**... the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The prime minister of Japan finally decides to enact revenge on the US for Hiroshima & Nagasaki.
He decides to nuke the r**... and he calls it: Operation Fried Okra-homa
Great Britains new Prime Minister
Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!
Who may become a Prime Minister?
Theresa may.
David Cameron didn't do much as the Prime Minister of the UK
But Theresa May.
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common?
They are both Net and Yahoo.
After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....
...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."
A local property owner is being charged after their 100-year-old oak fell and struck the son of the prime minister. They are deemed responsible for the accident after they failed to maintain the tree safely.
They were charged with 1 count of tree-son.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Japanese Prime Minister formally protested after meeting Trump at the White House
Mr Trump treated Shinzo Abe to his trademark greeting, involving a muscular grasping of the hand and the subsequent pulling of the recipient towards him in a dominant way.
Mr Abe said, "What an awful y**.... And I didn't like the handshake either."
My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics.
I know it's trudeau.
A priest and a minister were golfing...
...when the minister swung and hit a rabbit with his shot. They both went up to the rabbit and saw that it was dead. Then the priest takes a small bottle out of his pocket and pours the contents onto the rabbit. Immediately the rabbit wakes up and hops away.
The minister says "Wow, I've never seen holy water do that!"
And the priest says, "That wasn't holy water... it was hare restorer."
Can you call the British PM a fool?
During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
Apple missing.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he's not a snitch.
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house
A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.
The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.
This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here
The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it
Soviet Economics
1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??
what is a swedish government crisis?
there are 12 ministers in a meeting but only 11 cinnamonrolls
(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.
US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each
The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the f**..., each person placed an envelope into the casket.
Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.
From former prime minister of Italy : Have you heard about the survey? They asked women aged between 20 and 30 whether they'd make love to Berlusconi."
"....33 percent of them said 'yes' and 67 percent said 'again?'
Does the Prime Minister of Canada tell lies?
Because everything he says would still be Trudeau.
A woman whose husband had entered the Navy, gave the pastor of her church a note just as he was mounting to the pulpit one Sunday morning.
The note said John Anderson, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.
The minister in haste picked up the slip and read aloud,
John Anderson having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safely .
A minister is vacationing through the Holy Land
And is taking a historical trip to all of the sights associated with Jesus. Finally, he reaches the Sea of Galilee, where he is planning on taking a ferry boat across the water. Once he gets up to the ticket counter, however, he is shocked to learn the outrageous price of a ticket, and has to unfortunately end his trip early. As he walked away from the ticket counter, he was heard muttering well no wonder Jesus walked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom's sister got a s**... change and married a white Protestant minister
We now call them Aunt-Man and the Wasp.
The Prime Minister was not happy about being woken up
What did the Prime Minister say when he was awoken early to news of an urgent matter that required his immediate attention?
Ugh. I'm the PM, not the AM.
Boris Johnson coronavirus joke
For those sending around vile jokes about the Prime Minister in ICU... please remember the words of The Queen last night:
I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. Show some class.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human e**....
I wonder who's sending the other one?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plane is about to c**....
The pilot comes out of the cockpit, and solemnly addresses the passengers.
"The plane is going to c**.... There are 286 passengers, but only 285 parachutes. Does anybody know how to pray?"
A minister in the middle row raises his hand.
"Good." The pilot says. "You start praying. The rest of us will take the parachutes."
Did you know that Canada has a Prime Minister, not a President? You might think I'm making this up, but...
It's Trudeau.
The Prime Minister's speech writer has resigned.
He's speechless.
In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May
May wants to leave at the end of May.
Why did the prime minister think that Australia was save from the virus?
They got new fire walls last year.
A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.
The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"
The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"
A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood
Who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."
The beleaguered woman said, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each."
Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi
My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses f**....
Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.
Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Indian King became jealous that the Queen was caring about their infant son more than him, So he poisoned her n**... in her sleep to kill the baby.
The next day the Minister died of poisoning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nurse had s**... with the health minister to get a COVID-19 vaccine.
When asked why she did it, she said "It was worth a shot."
I Just Started My Job as a Minister's Assistant
My local church just hired me to assist the minister, and so far the job is going very well. The only real challenge is that he's very particular about the display towards the front of the sanctuary. He insists that it be kept spotless at all times, decorated with the freshest flowers, and have every detail placed perfectly on it. After a few weeks of this, I decided to ask him about it.
"Excuse me, Pastor" I asked. "Why are you so fixated on the front display?"
"Oh, that" he replied. "It's just my altar ego."
