Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Minimum Jokes
A Jewish lady wants an obituary for her husband.
A Jewish lady calls the New York Times and says "I want an obituary for my husband." The person at the times says "it's 10$ a word". "10$ a word!" The lady exclaims. "Fine" she says "Burnstein dies". The lady says "there is a minimum of 5 words". "Fine" she grumbles, "Burnstein dies Buick for sale".
So an old Jewish man dies
So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"
Publisher says, "$5 per word".
The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".
The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".
So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".
How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The bear minimum
My 20/15 eyesight is really helpful during tough economic times...
because a lot of jobs require minimum supervision.
China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that d**... Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16
And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.
What's a Grecian Urn?
About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.
How To Translate Work Emails
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I'll look into it. = I've already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don't ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you'll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
What do you call your mum who is shorter than you?
A minimum.
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
None. The minimum age for physical labour in most places is 13-15 and babies would not be allowed to use the paint
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32.
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
You can explore minimum minus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean minimum requirement dad jokes. There are also minimum puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Give a man a pizza and he eats for a day
Teach a man how to make a pizza and he will work minimum wage
Pay me what I'm worth!
I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."
I am extremely picky about what I eat.
Everything I eat must absolutely be describable with a word that begins with "F". It must also must also end with "D". And finally, it should have two "O"'s in it. I simply will not eat anything that does not meet my minimum criteria.
7 Great Wonders of Communism:
1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.
The Coast Guard recently changed their minimum height requirements to 6'.
That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore.
Verizon made a new minimum security prison and despite what many would believe its very successful.
its got no bars but you still cant get out of it for 2 years
What do h**... and tattoo artists have in common?
The minimum is $60, unless you're willing to risk catching a disease.
A guy goes to a job interview.
At the end of the interview the boss says:
-We will hire you, but you will start at the minimum salary. Later on it will increase.
The guy replied:
-Ok! Then I guess I'll see you later!
Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show
A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft
Whats the bear minimum?
1 Bear.
Why are Grizzlies such horrible employees?
They will only do the bear minimum
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.
What do you call a small mama bear?
Bear mini-mum
What did Spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds?
With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.
They said 9/11 was an inside job, but that would never happen again in this day and age.
They would probably want a minimum of 10 years of experience in s**... b**... for an entry level position.
What does changing a password and my wife have in common?
They both keep saying "the input provided does not meet the minimum length requirements."
Entry level job ad
Minimum 8 years of experience
"Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times
But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of f**... for my stool sample.
I told him it was the least I could doo.
If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor
...that's the bear minimum.
They told me to go to the zoo and steal as many bears as I could
I got away with the bear minimum
What is the minimum amount of birds to change a lightbulb?
One can't, but Toucan
What's the minimum GPA needed to go to USC?
$500,000.00
If you do these things every day for 30 days straight you will be unrecognizable
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink four 8oz glasses of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone, cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
If you do these things for 30 days you will be unrecognisable.
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink 3L of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone and cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
What do you Call a
What do you call a small mother?
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A Minimum.
Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?
He doesn't want things to get too inflated.
My sister said she wanted to be a model
I told her that it would take 20 minutes in photoshop minimum
What do you call a small mother?
A minimum!
Study suggests that a man does s**... for a minimum 30 times a year.
Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.
What do you call a cub at it's smallest point?
Bear minimum
I have only one rule when it comes to attire
I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.
I call it...
Occam's Blazer.
"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...
...why did he wait so long?
What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage?
A bench can support a family.
TIL Texas is called the lone star state
because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
What do you call the smallest mother?
The minimum
(Not OPs, but chuckled, heart = warm)
A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.
Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale
At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years.
Ok, I'll be back in two years.
What do you call a panda fetus?
The bear minimum.
what do they call small mothers in the UK?
a minimum
What's the minimum number of people it takes to screw in a light bulb?
Two but it has to be a really big light bulb.
a man walks into a library
and says in a loud voice can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips
the librarian replies in a firm but quiet voice 'Sir, you're in a library'
the man whispers 'Sorry, can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips
What do you call a tiny mother?
A minimum.
My mother wasn't tall enough to ride the rollercoaster
"Theres a minimum" said the ride attendant
