Minimum Jokes
103 minimum jokes and hilarious minimum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minimum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
The article "Minimum Jokes" takes a closer look at topics such as minimum wage, minimum viable product, obituary, lesser, and minus. Learn about the comedic perspectives of topics normally thought of in more serious terms.
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Funniest Minimum Short Jokes
Short minimum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minimum humour may include short maximum jokes also.
- TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
- What did spiderman say when he worked at MacDonalds? With minimum wage comes minimum responsibility.
- Pay me what I'm worth! I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law." - Verizon made a new minimum security prison and despite what many would believe its very successful. its got no bars but you still cant get out of it for 2 years
- At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years. Ok, I'll be back in two years.
- If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor ...that's the bear minimum.
- Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft
- Give a man a pizza and he eats for a day Teach a man how to make a pizza and he will work minimum wage
- My 20/15 eyesight is really helpful during tough economic times... because a lot of jobs require minimum supervision.
- My mother wasn't tall enough to ride the rollercoaster "Theres a minimum" said the ride attendant
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Minimum One Liners
Which minimum one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minimum? I can suggest the ones about minutes and minor.
- What do you call a tiny mother? A minimum.
- What do you call a cub at it's smallest point? Bear minimum
- what do they call small mothers in the UK? a minimum
- What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage? A bench can support a family.
- What do you call a panda fetus? The bear minimum.
- What do you call the smallest mother? The minimum
(Not OPs, but chuckled, heart = warm) - How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The bear minimum
- What's the minimum GPA needed to go to USC? $500,000.00
- Why are Grizzlies such horrible employees? They will only do the bear minimum
- What do you call a small mama bear? Bear mini-mum
- Entry level job ad Minimum 8 years of experience
- Whats the bear minimum? 1 Bear.
- What do you call a British guy's mom who does everything to the lowest quality? Minimum
- Why did Ted get fired from his job? Because he would only do the _bear_ minimum?
- What's the minimum required car insurance coverage in Russia? Collusion.
Minimum Wage Jokes
Here is a list of funny minimum wage jokes and even better minimum wage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage? He doesn't want things to get too inflated.
- "Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
- What's a Grecian Urn? About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.
- Why do people keep saying little mothers need more money? Oh, that's not what people mean by "minimum wage"?
- We should maga Let's start with:
-affordable healthcare
-reasonable gun laws
-liveable minimum wages - Amazon pays less taxes than the average person making minimum wage. I guess the jokes on us.
- Echidnas are like minimum-wage wait staff. They work four tips.
- What is the secret to staying thin? Minimum wage.
- Being an Uber driver is the best... ...way of working below minimum wage...
- How can we help hard working, tiny mothers? By raising the mini-mum wage.
Bare Minimum Jokes
Here is a list of funny bare minimum jokes and even better bare minimum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have only one rule when it comes to attire I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.
I call it...
Occam's Blazer. - Why is it that all anyone needs is a small mother? Because it's the bare mini-mum.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Minimum Jokes
What funny jokes about minimum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean minus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minimum pranks.
A Jewish lady wants an obituary for her husband.
A Jewish lady calls the New York Times and says "I want an obituary for my husband." The person at the times says "it's 10$ a word". "10$ a word!" The lady exclaims. "Fine" she says "Burnstein dies". The lady says "there is a minimum of 5 words". "Fine" she grumbles, "Burnstein dies Buick for sale".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer...
p**... McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked p**....
"Well," said p**..., "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said p**....
What is the opposite of minimum?
Minidad. *ba dum tss*
Why couldn't Arno find a date?
His minimum requirements were too high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but were stripped of the medal after it was revealed that d**... Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16
And they would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those medalling kids.
The smallest fortune teller went into a supermarket in Eastern Europe.
Now there's a minimum medium at a Maxima.
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A cashier working a dead end minimum wage job found a way out, by having s**... with the register
He came into some money
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How To Translate Work Emails
I have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I'll look into it. = I've already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don't ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you'll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
None. The minimum age for physical labour in most places is 13-15 and babies would not be allowed to use the paint
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
A man walks into a restaurant and requests a table for one.
The host explains that the restaurant has a dress code, and men at minimum need to be wearing a tie. The man says, "Okay." and walks back out to his car to see if he has a tie in his back seat from the work week. He's looking and looking and can't find one. He pops the trunk and even searches in there. He still can't find a tie but finds his jumper cables. So he puts the jumper cables around his neck and ties them in a Windsor knot and walks back inside.
"So can I have a table now?" the man asks.
The host replies, "Alright, sir, that'll work for tonight. But if I seat you, please don't try to start anything."
I am extremely picky about what I eat.
Everything I eat must absolutely be describable with a word that begins with "F". It must also must also end with "D". And finally, it should have two "O"'s in it. I simply will not eat anything that does not meet my minimum criteria.
7 Great Wonders of Communism:
1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do h**... and tattoo artists have in common?
The minimum is $60, unless you're willing to risk catching a disease.
Scottish Obituary
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the Obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The Editor informs her that there is a charge of one dollar per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read: 'Fred Brown died.' "
Amused at the Woman's thrift, the Editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read:
'Fred Brown Died - golf clubs for sale.' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a n**... dwarf?
The bare minimum
Baby, are you a relative minimum of a function?
Because when I found you, my life changed from negative to positive.
A guy goes to a job interview.
At the end of the interview the boss says:
-We will hire you, but you will start at the minimum salary. Later on it will increase.
The guy replied:
-Ok! Then I guess I'll see you later!
A attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have good news and bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $1-2 million. I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
Did you know about Cape Breton's indigenous flower?
It only grows for six months of the year and requires a minimum of 160 days of sunlight before blooming. It's called the pogey flower.
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If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.
I called the zoo today to see how many of my pet grizzlys they would take off my hands
They said they have a bear minimum
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The recent rise in minimum wage is a bit sexist...
What about the mini dads?
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When I went to visit Israel I noticed that the Rabbi who does all the circumcisions probably has the worst job in the country and only makes minimum wage
He gets a lot of tips though
My cousin was curious as to how a bear was taught to play the trumpet even if it didn't sound very good...
I shrugged and answered.
"I guess it learned the bear minimum."
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They said 9/11 was an inside job, but that would never happen again in this day and age.
They would probably want a minimum of 10 years of experience in s**... b**... for an entry level position.
What does changing a password and my wife have in common?
They both keep saying "the input provided does not meet the minimum length requirements."
Teacher: Johnny, your essay does not meet the word count. I said 1500 words minimum and you turned in a 500 word essay and a picture.
Johnny: Well, you're always saying that a picture is worth a thousand words!
Did you see that programme last night about the Japanese woman who broke the world record for the minimum pitch speed?
I think it was the Kyoto, she throw slow show.
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How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don't. They pay an i**... immigrant well below minimum wage, lie that they did and then blame it on the Democrats.
PICK YOUR BATTLES
If there ever is a battle of the sexes, the'd have to add a minimum 5 sub categories
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My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of f**... for my stool sample.
I told him it was the least I could doo.
Jamie the Jewish man died
His wife Ida rang the newspaper to put in his obituary
'It's $10 per word' said the man at the newspaper
'In that case please put Jamie died ' she said
He said 'unfortunately it's a minimum of 5 words'
'Please put Jamie died. Volvo for sale '
They told me to go to the zoo and steal as many bears as I could
I got away with the bear minimum
TIL the government has a minimum height requirement for workers to receive Coronavirus relief payments. I was so angry...
but I'm over it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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If you do these things every day for 30 days straight you will be unrecognizable
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink four 8oz glasses of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone, cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
My sister said she wanted to be a model
I told her that it would take 20 minutes in photoshop minimum
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Study suggests that a man does s**... for a minimum 30 times a year.
Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.
"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...
...why did he wait so long?
A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.
Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale
