mine Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious mine puns

Do all black people have a problem with slavery ?

Or just mine ?

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

If minecraft taught me one thing...

It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Hey baby, are you a GPU?

Cause I wanna make you mine.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

At a Nazi mine, a worker calls out to Hitler:

"Sir, we are mining too many useless Ores"

[Hitler rubs his chin, contemplating]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi chimes in, from above]

"MINE FEWER"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway

COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: mine

šŸ‘šŸ¼

The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

I threw a surprise bukkake party for a girl friend of mine.

Everybody came.
You should have seen her face.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

An English man, Welsh man and a Indian man walk are in a maternity hospital.

The doctor tells them theres been a mix up and doesn't know who's baby is who's. The English man runs in and grabs the only brown baby and starts to walk out. The Indian man looks relly confused and says "I'm pretty sure that's not your baby it looks Indian so it's mine". The English man says "I know, but there's not a chance in hell I'm leaving here with a baby that could be Welsh."

šŸ‘šŸ¼

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?

"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Farts are like children

I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

šŸ‘šŸ¼

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

Iļø said, No, in fact, Iļø like your mother in law a lot better than Iļø like mine

šŸ‘šŸ¼

"Sir we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then."
*grammar nazi bursts in*

"Mine fewer"

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

2 drunk men walk into a whorehouse [NFSW]

The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first man says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

šŸ‘šŸ¼

My professor accused me of plagiarism

His words, not mine.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Hitler on mining

"Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"

[Hitler rubs chin]

"So mine less"

[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]

"MINE FEWER!"

[Hitler looks up]

"Yes?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Grammar Nazi.

"Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"
[Hitler rubs chin]
"So, mine less.
[Grammar Nazi bursts through the door]
"MINE FEWER!"
[Hitler looks up]
"Yes, soldier?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A friend of mine asked me, "what rhymes with orange?"

I said, "no, it doesn't".

*Credit to Jimmy Carr.*

**

šŸ‘šŸ¼

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

šŸ‘šŸ¼

People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist."

Their words not mine

šŸ‘šŸ¼

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals.

Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

Today I ended a long term relationship.

I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A man with drugs was caught by the cops in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs

She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

šŸ‘šŸ¼

A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger.

Apparently he is now in a stable condition.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."

"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"

"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."

šŸ‘šŸ¼

I'm not racist but

I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".





But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

šŸ‘šŸ¼

What are the most funny Mine jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Mine? Well, here are the best Mine dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Mine pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes