Minds Jokes

93 minds jokes and hilarious minds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From Criminal Minds to Simple Minds, explore the power of imagination and thoughts through mind jokes. Learn more about consciousness and unleash the funny side of your mind!

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Funniest Minds Short Jokes

Short minds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minds humour may include short minded jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. My wife left me because I am too insecure. Never mind, she was just picking up some groceries.
  3. What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
    (I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough)
  4. First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem."
    "Never mind"
    What's the problem?
    Please tell us?
    "You know what the problem is."
  5. Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
    Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
    Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
    Guy: No, minding his own business.
  6. Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
  7. A horse walks into a bar. Hey," says the bartender.
    The horse neighs excitedly and says, My friend, you read my mind!"
  8. Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
    Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
  9. Is it ok to sleep with a second cousin? It must be, because the first one didn't seem to mind.
  10. In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

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Minds One Liners

Which minds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minds? I can suggest the ones about mind thinking and confusing mind.

  1. At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
  2. Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
  3. I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
  4. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
  5. What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
  6. Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
  7. Brain transplants will never be possible. Change my mind.
  8. I was going to sue my neurosurgeon. But he changed my mind.
  9. Great minds think alike... That's why we have so many opinions in America
  10. Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's? A woman changes hers more often.
  11. I just read John F Kennedy's biography The end was mind blowing
  12. What did 2 say to 3 about 6? Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!
  13. 1 in 6 people... find Russian roulette mind blowing.
  14. I thought about getting a brain transplant But then i changed my mind
  15. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.

Simple Minds Jokes

Here is a list of funny simple minds jokes and even better simple minds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Would you like to know how to read minds? It's simple! Just relax. Take a deep breath.

Criminal Minds Jokes

Here is a list of funny criminal minds jokes and even better criminal minds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife watches Criminal Minds with no volume while I'm sleeping. She calls it Criminal Mimes.
  • The Fine Bros should be join the Criminal Minds team After all, they did find 100k unsubs in just one day.
  • So I have had this joke in my mind for awhile but cannot figure out the best delivery... Why is it ok for police to keep r**... kits in their cars?
    but if I have one, I am some sort of criminal.
Minds joke, So I have had this joke in my mind for awhile but cannot figure out the best delivery...

Minds joke, So I have had this joke in my mind for awhile but cannot figure out the best delivery...

Minds Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about minds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean souls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minds pranks.

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds.

I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa! I'm way too high!"
-Bruce Baum

What's the difference between a schoolmaster and a stationmaster?

The stationmaster minds trains while the schoolmaster trains minds.

Did you hear about the philosophical gunman?

He blew people's minds.

Grammar n**... are just like women...

One missed period and they lose their minds.

I've discovered I have the power to control minds

Just mine so far.

You know there are some trained minds that can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them.

I like to call said minds 'Presumptious, judgemental a**....'

White Horse

A white horse walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He moves aside, minds his own business; but the barkeep hasn't had such an unusual patron for a long time. He's curious.
He ransacks his brain, and can't come up with a better line than... "you know, there's a whiskey named after you?"
And the white horse replies:
"What? Eric?"

Why don't Muslims have dirty minds?

Because they're so easily brainwashed.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

Women can never make up their minds...

One day, they call us pigs, but another day, they claim that they're all equal to men.

dirty minds

Hey s**... shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs. love always your Toilet.

Eyelash surgery

Mess up an eyelash surgery and no one bats an eye.
Mess up a brain surgery and everybody loses their minds

I blow my kids' minds when they tell me, "Daddy, it's the opposite day." And I say...

.."is it?"

Why is the turing test based on computer minds being similar to human minds?

Because it's a h**...-geneous test.

Two cows are standing in a field...

One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

Why don't women have dirty minds?

Because they're constantly changing them...

You know what really blew people's minds in the '90s?

Kurt Cobain's s**....
Blew his too.

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
h**... does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

People in California...

At first, people in California were like "Oh, we don't have enough water!" and now they're like "Oh, we have too much water!"
They can't make up their *dam* minds.

All this fuss over a film being stored on DNA

But when Pee Wee Herman tried to do the opposite, everybody lost their minds?

It appears international women's day was a HUGE success.

Women from all over the US demonstrated their femininity by not making up their minds about whether they wanted to celebrate it or not.

Concerning Michael Flynn

The real question on republicans minds right now: what happens to the validity of Flynn's testimony when he gets autism after receiving immunity?

At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire

They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.

I would say s**... minds think alike...

...but they don't know how to do that either.

A Sapiosexual couple's foreplay

Involves blowing each other's minds

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye

Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds


Person: Reading minds.
Interviewer: So, what's your biggest stren–WHAT?

Would you like the ability to read minds?

Mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are s**... but few are blind.

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."
"My minds made up." I insisted.
"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

I think I can read minds

because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker

A new element was just discovered that not even the greatest minds in the world could have prepared for...

It was the element of surprise!

In order to beat our opponent, we've gotta think like them.

Quick! Empty your minds!

If I had a dollar for every time a women said I wasn't attractive enough...

I could probably change their minds.

I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that s**... is evil

The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.

Use Acetone to remove polish that's fine

Use gas to remove polish and everyone loses their minds!

A dyslexic couple have their minds read and go home afraid for their lives!

What do they expect after visiting a psychotic.

Why do conservative politicians have dirty minds?

They hardly ever change their mind.

I need your hilarious minds.

Help me come up with a funny thing to dress up as for a party that's themed be my date on this date . AKA, dress up as a day of the year or holiday. Fave idea so far is going as a box for boxing day.

My friends always told me I was average

I bet they'll change their minds when I tell them I got an 100 on my IQ test

It was believed that Helen Keller could see dead people and read people's minds.

She had the fourth sense

People don't find me very good-looking until I tell them I used to be 200 pounds heavier.

It's not true, but it sure changes their minds.

Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye.

Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.

Intelligent Minds

Albert Einstein: Genius mind
Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
You: Never mind

Say what you want about Ben Carson the politician, but Ben Carson the person is truly inspiring.

He really opened a lot of young minds!

What are your feelings toward the brain transplant?

Well, I am of two minds on the matter...

After you were born

Your parents changed they're minds.
They're pro-choice now.

What happened when the Borg's central computer was destroyed?

They lost their collective minds

There are 2 types of people in this world.

Those who can resist completing unfinished sentences in their minds and those...

Why do women hate male zombies?

Because they only ever want one thing.
...their minds.

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint

Go to the woman's shelter for a new girlfriend d and everyone looses their minds

Two great minds thinking alike is always productive

Except when they are trying to call each other

Every day I like to fill my kids' minds with a sense of wonder.

Like "I wonder who my Dad is?"

Mind readers in Harry Potter

If a legilamins has a child that can't read minds, is that child illigilamins?

People aren't using their fingers to count, they're using their minds...

Because it's the thought that counts.

At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.

They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.

I've been pretty busy in quarantine

My e**... Animal Crossing fan fiction is going to blow some minds

Only s**... people never change their minds

That's what I've always said.

Some minds are like concrete...

Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Got this out of a Georgia newspaper.

Most people have heard the phrase "Great minds think alike"

What they don't know is what comes after
"Idiots seldom differ"

If "w**..." is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced


I hope that blew your minds

People these days recoil at the idea of brain transplants becoming possible in the near future.

Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.

I was in two minds about going to Thailand…

But I said Phuket, why not?

Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.
Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!

But alas… The poor b**... were forced to resort to cannonballism.

Winning the hearts and minds of the people

An old CCP euphemism for o**... harvesting.

A guy is spending his first night in prison

He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.
Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.
"46!" and everyone loses their minds.
He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"
"Well we've all been here so long we remember all the jokes by heart. To save time we just give them numbers and tell those instead."
"Oh I think I understand. Let me try. 63!"
There's dead silence.
The new guy says "What's wrong, is that one not funny?"
"Nah, it's a good one. Some people just don't know how tell a joke."

I found out recently that I can read minds.

So far, only mine, but I am still new to this thing.

I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.

I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?

Minds joke, I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.

jokes about minds