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Minding Jokes

73 minding jokes and hilarious minding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article will present an enlightening look into how to be mindful of the jokes we make and the impact they have on others. It will explore the importance of being aware of our words and the potential consequences they can have. It will also offer advice on how to become more mindful of the jokes we make to ensure they are not offensive or hurtful to others. Finally, it will also explain how being mindful of our jokes can be beneficial and profitable in the long run.

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Funniest Minding Short Jokes

Short minding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minding humour may include short minded jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. My wife left me because I am too insecure. Never mind, she was just picking up some groceries.
  3. What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
    (I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough)
  4. First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem."
    What?
    "Never mind"
    What's the problem?
    "Nothing"
    Please tell us?
    "You know what the problem is."
  5. Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
    Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
    Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
    Guy: No, minding his own business.
  6. Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
  7. A horse walks into a bar. Hey," says the bartender.
    The horse neighs excitedly and says, My friend, you read my mind!"
  8. Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
    Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
  9. Is it ok to sleep with a second cousin? It must be, because the first one didn't seem to mind.
  10. In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

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Minding One Liners

Which minding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minding? I can suggest the ones about tending and caring.

  1. At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
  2. Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
  3. I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
  4. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
  5. What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
  6. Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
  7. Brain transplants will never be possible. Change my mind.
  8. I was going to sue my neurosurgeon. But he changed my mind.
  9. Great minds think alike... That's why we have so many opinions in America
  10. Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's? A woman changes hers more often.
  11. I just read John F Kennedy's biography The end was mind blowing
  12. What did 2 say to 3 about 6? Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!
  13. 1 in 6 people... find Russian roulette mind blowing.
  14. I thought about getting a brain transplant But then i changed my mind
  15. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.

Minding Your Business Jokes

Here is a list of funny minding your business jokes and even better minding your business puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There I was at the supermarket, minding my own business, when a man out of nowhere came up and threw a whole block of cheese at me! Real mature.
  • Two old Jewish women are sitting together, minding their own business.
  • Two reasons why people don't mind their own business. 1 : No mind
    2 : No business
  • I was walking down the street the other day minding my own business. When out of nowhere a man ran up to me and attacked me with some milk and cheese.
    How dairy!
  • E-bike vs Cop I was riding my electric bike the other day, minding my own business.
    Cop pulls me over, says he's taking me in.
    "Charge?" I asked.
    "Battery!" he said.
  • I was just minding my business at lunch when a police officer came and took a handful of my Chinese food... it was a blatant violation of my rice.
  • What did the ferret breeder say to the other nosy ferret breeder? Mind your own business.
  • I was minding my own business, driving down the street when two police officers stole my car. I had to call ACAB
  • I'm minding my own business and then I hear this What's the difference between a red apple and a green one

    nothing, they're both red, except for the green one
  • Looking for Jerome. Everytime I give people advise, they tell me to mind his business.
Minding joke, Looking for Jerome.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about minding can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of minding puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Charming Humor Minding Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about minding you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean pondering jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make minding prank.

A nerd on a bicycle

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, Where did you get such a nice bike? The second nerd replied, Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!' The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit.

The bear and the rabbit

A rabbit is minding his own business when a random bear comes and treat ens to eat the rabbit. The bear chases the rabbit until they find a magic lamp and they decide to rub it together. The expected gene appears and let's them both have 3 wishes each. The bear goes first and says " I wish for all the other bears in the forest to be females" and it was done. The rabbit then wishes for a lifetime supply of carrots at his house and it is granted. The bear then says " I want all the other bears in the country to be female" and it is granted. The rabbit's second wish is for a rabbit sized motorcycle and it is granted. Now the bear very confused about why the rabbit is wishing for such small things says " And for my last wish, I want all the other bears in the world to be female!". The gene grants the wish. The rabbit then says with a smile on his face "I wish that bear was gay." then drives off in his motorcycle.

Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.
Eventually, she came over to me.
"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.
"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.

Did i tell you that someone hit me over the head with a power tool the other day?

Minding my own business, then next minute b**....

Could have been me...

Sitting at a Red Light yesterday, minding my own business...patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to
me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to Americans!"
and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been
me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

I was minding my own business driving down the road the other day

when the car in front of me suddenly stopped and I went right up the back of it.
Then a dwarf got out of the driver's side and tapped on my window. As I lowered my window, he said "I am not happy."
I said "Which one are you then?"

The prisoners

During WWI, a german soldier sits in his trench, minding his own business, when he hears a voice from the trench next to him:
"Franz, come quickly! I took 10 frenchmen as prisoners!"
"That's great, bring them over in my trench!"
I can't! They won't let me go!"

Why did the b**... not get involved in the rival b**...'s business scandal?

He was minding his own dam business

Four old women were sitting on a bench

There were four old women sitting on a bench, minding there own business. When out of no where a streaker runs up to them and stops in front if the bench. Three of the women suffer a heart attack, the fourth has a s**....

Little boy on bus sitting next to an old man.

A little boy on bus was eating a chocolate. Then he took another one out from his bag and ate it, and then another one.
An old man sitting next to him said: "Do you know too much of it will damage your teeth."
The boy replied: "You know, my grandfather lived for 122 years."
Old Man said: "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied:"No, He was always minding his own business."

The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate

The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked , "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his own business!".

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Why was the physicist being so careful not to insult his colleague's choice of generalized coordinates and momentum?

He was just minding his Ps and Qs.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.
Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.
Man : By eating chocolate?
Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Fire exits

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedberg

A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar....

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Kid: No, minding his own business.

Last night, ...

Last night, I was in a bar drinking my bitter and minding my own business.
This unsightly w**... walked up to me and offered to leave her number.
I asked "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes."
I replied, "Well, you better get back to it before the farmer notices you are missing."

Whenever people tell me smoking is bad for me, I tell them that my great Grandmother lived to be 100 years old.

And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend--another nerd--rode up on an incredible shiny new bright red bicycle.....

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked,

"WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied,
"Well, yesterday I was walking home,
minding my own business
when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, '
Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly,
"Good choice..... The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

I was minding my own business, singing in the shower.

When my boss appeared and fired me from the bathroom appliances shop.

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool.

There I was just minding my own business then b**...!

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Minding my own business in Hungary and I was confronted by an annoying preaching Tibetan Monk.

He was a Buddha Pest.

The setups were walking along, minding their own business, when suddenly they started, turned, and checked behind them, confused.

There was no bar.

— you do eat a lot, don't you? You know this is gonna get you killed, right?

— my grandfather lived up to 90 years old.
— by eating a lot?
— by minding his own business

A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.

The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"
"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take what you want.*'"
"Good choice," says the friend as he nods approvingly. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Some f*cking lunatic just hit me over the head with a power tool!

I was just minding my own business when from out of nowhere... b**...!

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

Heard at work today

When you see 20 cars in your neighbor's driveway, and you're thinking about calling the cops. Go over there and ask for a glass of milk. You know why? Because milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth. Minding your own business.

A little girl is in a taxi with her mother

The little girl was eating a chocolate and soon after she finishes the first one she opens a second one.
The taxi driver trying to make some conversation says to the little girl:
TD: "Are you sure all that chocolate is healthy for you?"
Girl: "You know, my grandfather lived for 135 years"
TD surprised: "Because he ate so much chocolate?"
Girl: "No, because he was minding his own business"

No good deed goes unpunished

I ran into a friend of mine who looked roughed up, with a shiner and an arm in a cast. I was aghast and asked him what happened.
He: Dude, don't ask. I was on the bus, minding my own business, when the gal sitting next to me stood up as her stop was approaching, and I noticed her skirt was stuck in her buttcrack. Thought I'd do her a favor and pull the skirt back out, but she punched me in the face.
Me: That s**..., yo! What's with the arm?
He: Oh, that was for trying to make peace by pushing the skirt back in .

I was out on the street, minding my own business...

when this guy Norman came up to me out of nowhere. I know his name because he immediately introduced himself without bothering to see if I was interested. I did not respond, yet he continued on, trying to strike up a conversation with me. I had things to do, so I pretended not to notice him.
Yet he still persisted. I know it's generally expected to be polite to people, but I guess I just prefer to ignore social Norms.
(Note: this is gentler than my joke about violating social Norms.)

I was sitting in a recliner n**... eating Cheetos minding my own business

And the Walmart manager calls the police

So I'm sitting in a recliner watching TV n**... and eating Doritos, just minding my own business, really.

And then out of nowhere Walmart calls the cops.

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

A Twos-Day Special

A Two was walking down the street, minding his own business, as another Two sneakily followed him. The Sneaky Two jumped on the other Two's back who shrieked: ahhh, you squared me .

You're never gonna believe this

I was just taking a walk, minding my own business, when a gorgeous woman looked in my direction and screamed, "You're so hot! I love you!!"
You can ask Chris Hemsworth, he was standing right next to me!

Hammer

This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, That was a karate chop from Korea. The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the premises.He's gone for an hour before he returns and c**...! he knocks the big guy right off his stool to the ground, where he lies unconscious.The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When that big j**... comes to, you can tell him that was a claw hammer from Home Depot.

Minding joke, E-bike vs Cop

jokes about minding

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these minding jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.