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Minded Jokes

59 minded jokes and hilarious minded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about minded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the world of dark minded jokes with an honest and open look at life. Enjoyable for any occasion and age group, find out for yourself why dark minded jokes make us all laugh.

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Funniest Minded Short Jokes

Short minded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The minded humour may include short minds jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. My wife left me because I am too insecure. Never mind, she was just picking up some groceries.
  3. What's between an introvert and an extrovert? A wall.
    (I know it wasn't funny, but it popped into my mind, and I thought it was decent enough)
  4. First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem."
    What?
    "Never mind"
    What's the problem?
    "Nothing"
    Please tell us?
    "You know what the problem is."
  5. Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
    Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
    Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
    Guy: No, minding his own business.
  6. Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
  7. A horse walks into a bar. Hey," says the bartender.
    The horse neighs excitedly and says, My friend, you read my mind!"
  8. Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
    Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
  9. Is it ok to sleep with a second cousin? It must be, because the first one didn't seem to mind.
  10. In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

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Minded One Liners

Which minded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with minded? I can suggest the ones about thoughtful and good natured.

  1. At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
  2. Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
  3. I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
  4. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
  5. What's one nickel minus one nickel? Wait never mind that makes no cents.
  6. Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
  7. Brain transplants will never be possible. Change my mind.
  8. I was going to sue my neurosurgeon. But he changed my mind.
  9. Great minds think alike... That's why we have so many opinions in America
  10. Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's? A woman changes hers more often.
  11. I just read John F Kennedy's biography The end was mind blowing
  12. What did 2 say to 3 about 6? Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!
  13. 1 in 6 people... find Russian roulette mind blowing.
  14. I thought about getting a brain transplant But then i changed my mind
  15. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.

Green Minded Jokes

Here is a list of funny green minded jokes and even better green minded puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Green chameleon for sale... No, a red one.
    No, blue.
    No wait, a pink one.
    Cool.
    Never mind, I'm keeping it!
  • Here's a mind bender my 8 year old son came up with: Why are trees green? For camouflage.
  • I'm minding my own business and then I hear this What's the difference between a red apple and a green one

    nothing, they're both red, except for the green one
  • I went on a golfing trip with a friend of mine. He told me to meet him on the green at 7 It's 7:15, I'm s**... out of my mind and have no idea where he is.
  • Cee Lo Mean Cee Lo Green said it's not r**... if you don't remember it. I wonder if he remembers when, remembers when he lost his mind?
  • As a black person, what first comes to mind in St.Patricks Day? Is it the color green? The beer? The p**... of gold coins?
    Not the gold coins man, just the p**....

Dark Minded Jokes

Here is a list of funny dark minded jokes and even better dark minded puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • how many Irish mammies does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Don't mind me, I'll sit in the dark. You kids go have your fun.
  • How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
Minded joke, How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sick Minded Jokes

Here is a list of funny sick minded jokes and even better sick minded puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I believe we should take care of our world leaders. They should not be lame, sick, or unsightly. With that in mind, I went to Russia to see if I could help but they turned me away. No Putin tended.

Absent Minded Jokes

Here is a list of funny absent minded jokes and even better absent minded puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An absent-minded person put too much soap and clothes in the washer, and the room floods. That must explain the rising Tide.
  • Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
  • What happened to the absent-minded conductor? He lost his train of thought.
Minded joke, What happened to the absent-minded conductor?

Howlingly Hilarious Minded Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about minded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean considerate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make minded pranks.

An old man was sitting next to a kid

And he saw the kid eating a lot of chocolate, pack after pack...
So the man asked the kid: do you think it's healthy for you eating all that chocolate?
So the kid answered: My grandpa died at 100 years old
-And you think it's because he ate chocolate?
-No, it's because he minded his own business.

I'm open minded when it comes to trying drugs

But c**... is where I draw the line.

Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.

A woman stopped, excuse me young man, but I'll have you know that those can take years off of your life.
No disrespect ma'am, but I'll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.
Did he smoke also?
No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fckng business."

Mind your business....

A young kid was eating candy and older guy says , you shouldn't be eating candy, kid says my grandpa lived to be 105 years old.... guy says did he eat candy every day ... kid says no ..... he minded his own f'n business.

Who were the two most open minded presidents?

Abraham Lincoln and JFK...

Who was the most open minded president in us history?

JFK

Those people who are against gay marriage and say...

''In Genesis it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'', are so narrow minded..

Everyone knows that in Genesis it was Phil Collins, Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford..

I once met someone who refused to talk to people unless the conversation was about fashion.

He was very clothes minded.

JFK and Abe Lincoln were two of the greatest president of all history.

I think it's because they were so Open Minded.

So I'm on break enjoying a cigarette...

This busy body comes up to me and says, "You know those things will kill you!"
So I tell him that my grandfather lived to be 96 years old.
He replies, "Oh, did he smoke?"
"No he minded his own F-ing' business!"
*Old joke, but true story.

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

If a Quiz is Quizzical, what's a Test?

A written examination in which you are tested on the year's curriculum.. you dirty minded b**....

Why do fashion designers never have any good ideas?

They're too clothes minded.

I was on the train this morning...

I was on the train this morning and I sat next to a woman with a newborn baby. She asked if I minded if she breastfed, and I said, "No, just don't s**... my n**... to hard."

I hate closed minded people.

They never agree with my correct points.

My ex-wife told me I was close minded and I should try everything once...

I suggested we try divorce

Went to dinner last night at a restaurant, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn't have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

I joined a support group for Cannibals

I think its important to be with like minded individuals and get the chance to meat new people.

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes minded

Do you know the definition of a bonehead?

Someone who's marrow minded.

I'm deciding whether or not to join christianmingle.

If I do, what should my name be? HungLikeJesus? JesusInTheStreets_SatanInTheSheets? HeCameAgain? Do you have any suggestions for blasphemous names?
Note: this is a joke, I'm not hating god, I'm hating the closed minded website.

What do you call a skateboarder who likes to grind?

Feeble minded.

Hey! You know, they've started offering free meditation retreats at the North Pole!

Turns out the Christmas elves are really present minded.

A little boy was eating a bag of candy...

A little boy was eating a bag of candy when a lady approached him and said, "you know, that candy will rot your teeth and shorten your life", to which the boy replied, "I dunno, my uncle lived to be 107 years old". "Oh", said the lady, "and your uncle ate alot of candy I suppose"? "No", said the boy, "he minded his own f**...' business"!

JFK is my favorite president.

He's so open minded!

I am part of a like minded hacker group.

We are synonymous!

On a flight I asked the guy behind me if he minded me reclining my seat. He said he did.

It really put my back up.

What do you call a republican fashion director?

Clothed minded

Whats that when you keep moving constantly produces something white ?

Its toothbrush dear dirty minded people..

You know who I really hate?

People less open minded than me.

Why did h**... make an eHarmony account?

To meet r**... minded individuals.

Minded joke, Why did h**... make an eHarmony account?

jokes about minded