Millionaire Jokes

Following is our collection of dollar humor and wealth one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Millionaire puns for adults, dirty golddigger jokes or clean who wants to be a millionaire gags for kids.

There is an abundance of billionare jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on millionaire. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any zimbabwean witze you can hear about millionaire.

The Best jokes about Millionaire

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad!!

Wow, your dad's a millionaire?
No, but he always wanted to be.

When can women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

Can a woman make a man a millionaire?

Only if he's a billionaire.

Credits to Kevin Hart

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...


A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.


His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?


Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."


His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.


"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

What is the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Step 1: become a billionaire.

Step 2: buy an EA game.

I married a chinese millionaire

Ka Ching

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire...

on average.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire

6 months ago I was a billionaire.


Can a woman turn a man into a millionaire?

Yes, if he's a billionaire...

What do you call a Chinese Millionaire?

Cha Ching

How To Become a Millionaire:

Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.

And that's how the fight started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

A woman was telling her friend , "I helped my husband become a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?"

"A billionaire."

He wasn't the most fit or handsome guy, but she loved him for what he is.

A Millionaire.

My wife and I were watching Millionaire in bed.

I turned to her and asked, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said,'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes.'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started...

I'm almost a millionaire!

I have all the zeros, just looking for the one.


A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.

The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"

The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."

The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"

The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."

Did you hear about the obese millionaire?

He has a four chin.

I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad

now she is my mom

As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire

Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.

A Well-Planned Life?

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well planned life? "
"Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
She answered:
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go."

Did you hear about the man who became a millionaire with one homing pigeon?

He sold it for a dollar and it came home a million times.

Did you know a girl can make you a millionaire?

Only if you're a billionaire.

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".

What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive?

Terminal illness.

How can a woman make you a millionaire?

First you have to be a billionaire

I was surprised when my boss told me that our company was bought by a millionaire from Barcelona.

Nobody expects the Spanish acquisition

My wife....

"Thanks to my wife I am now a millionaire!"

"Wow that's great!"

"I was a billionaire..."

What do you call an Irish millionaire?

A ginger bread man.

How do you become a millionaire by working for an MLM?

Start off as a billionaire

I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a millionaire too.

An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..

Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....

A joke from my mom. A husband and wife are in bed...

A husband and wife are in bed watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Feeling frisky, the husband turned to his wife and asked, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No." she answered.

He then asked, "Is that your final answer?"

Without looking away from the TV, she replied, "Yes."

Without skipping a beat, the husband said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

How does a women make you a millionaire?

You start as a billionaire

A millionaire enters the town of Klon.

Upon arriving he notices a particularly popular homosexual bar specifically for women. Seeing a potentially valuable investment, he enters and speaks to the owner.

"How much to own this place?" He asks.

The owner responds: "not for sale, I've got customers waiting."

The millionaire, not wanting to miss an investment, grabs the owners arm as he turns to go and says "wait, I'll do anything to own this place!"

The owner turns back to him slowly and says... "What would you do for a Klon Dyke-bar?"

Millionaire Interview

Interviewer : Sir, who helped you on becoming a Millionaire?

Millionaire : My wife........ I was a billionaire before.

How do you become a millionaire overnight?

Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.

A millionaire,a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar.

When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly then quaffs the rest.
It's now the cheapskate's turn: He sticks his hand in the beer, grabs the fly, and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

Thanks to my wife I'm now a millionaire

Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.

If I had $500,000 for every existing gender

I'd be a millionaire.

Can a woman make you a Millionaire?

Only if you are a Billionaire.

Two step program to become a millionaire in less than a year!

1. Become billionaire.
2. Get married.

My dad always wanted me to be a millionaire and thankfully I didn't disappoint him.

He died before he got a chance to see how poor I am.

My wife made me a millionaire.

I was a billionaire before I met her.

My wife made me a millionaire.

What were you before you married her?

A billionaire.

It's a slow night at the bar, when in walks narcissist, a millionaire, and a corrupt politician.

The bartender says good evening Mr. President .

Guy wins lottery, comes home

"Honey, I won the lottery, I'm a millionaire, come on, start packing!"

"That's awesome dear, where are we going?"

"What do you mean *we?*"

A man walks into a store..

So a man walks into a pretty exclusive store that sells expensive furniture, lamps, and such things. He's dressed pretty casually, especially considering he's actually a millionaire. He sees a very nice crystal chandelier that he fancies. So he asks one of the snotty shop keepers how much it costs. The shop keeper sneers at the man and tells him "Well, I don't think you could afford it. Perhaps you'd like to see some of our less expensive wares?".

The man is a little irritated and says to the shop keeper "Don't worry about money, I just want to know how much it costs, so can you please tell me?". The shop keeper looks at the man from head to toe, then back up, and says "Really, SIR, I don't think this is an affordable item for you. Like I said, you're more welcome to see our less expensive wares".

The man then takes a hold of the chandelier and rips it to the ground, it smashes everywhere and makes a huge mess. The man then asks the shop keeper "Now then, can you tell me how much it costs?"

A couple just finished watching "who wants to be a millionaire?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "do you want to have sex?"

"No", she answered.

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes!"

So the man replied, "then I'd like to phone a friend"

I know a guy who became a millionaire after marrying his wife

Before that, he was a billionaire...

Why are millionaires sticky?

Because they're rolling in dough.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre. "What Evers the matter?" I asked him.

The old man wiped his eyes and gave out a whispering sniffle "you know son I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm 91 years old, I've traveled around the world, I'm a multi millionaire and I'm married to a beautiful 21 year old woman. We have sex five times a day and she grants me my every desire".

"Wow" I respond "I'm lucky if I get sex five times a month! How can you be sad with all of that?" The man pulled out a snot ridden tissue, wiped his nose and replied:

"I can't remember where I live"

Potential

Youngest son asks his father: "Daddy what is the difference between "potential" and "reality"?

Dad: I will show you, Dad turned to his wife and ask her: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars?
Wife answers: "Yes of Course! I would never waste such an opportunity to be a millionaire"

Then Dad asked his daughter if she would sleep with Will Smith for 2 million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes Yes! I will, that's my fantasy"

So Dad turned to his elder son and asks him: Son, will you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 Million dollars?
Elder Son replied: " Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 Million dollars, I would never hesitate!"

So the Father turns to his younger son and said: " You see son, "POTENTIALLY" we are sitting on 4 Million dollars,
But in "REALITY" we are living with two prostitutes and a gay guy!

A millionaire is looking for a housekeeper.

Three people showed up for the job. He wants to make sure they have good personal hygiene during work, so he put a camera in his big restroom monitoring the sink and see if they wash their hands after going to the restroom.

The first one finishes, doesn't wash his hands and walked out, the millionaire fires him.

The second one finishes, also doesn't wash his hands, he is fired as well.

The last guy, however, washed his hands before coming out. The owner is delighted, he asked him: " The previous two didn't washed their hands after going to the restroom, why did you wash them?"

The guy replies: "Because the toilet paper ran out".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes