Millionaire Jokes
111 millionaire jokes and hilarious millionaire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about millionaire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Millionaire jokes can be hilarious. From Slumdog Millionaire to scouse multimillionaires, these jokes will have you rolling with laughter. Get your daily dose of million dollar humour and enjoy the funny side of wealth.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Millionaire Short Jokes
Short millionaire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The millionaire humour may include short billionaire jokes also.
- I want to be a millionaire just like my dad!! Wow, your dad's a millionaire?
No, but he always wanted to be. - With the help of my wife I am officially a millionaire. Before I met her I was a billionaire.
- What is the fastest way to become a millionaire? Step 1: become a billionaire.
Step 2: buy an EA game. - Since I started dating my girlfriend half a year ago I became a millionaire 6 months ago I was a billionaire.
- A woman was telling her friend , "I helped my husband become a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?"
"A billionaire." - I always wanted to be a millionaire just like my dad. He wasn't a millionaire, he just wanted to be one.
- I invested my dad's money in stocks and made him a millionaire. He used to be a billionaire.
- I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad now she is my mom
- Two easy steps to become a millionaire 1: Be a billionaire
2: Set up businesses in Russia - As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.
Share These Millionaire Jokes With Friends
Millionaire One Liners
Which millionaire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with millionaire? I can suggest the ones about wealthy and rich guy.
- How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
Step Two: Short sell $GME - When can women make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire.
- Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire.
Credits to Kevin Hart - I married a chinese millionaire Ka Ching
- Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire... on average.
- Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump? Apples and oranges.
- What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl? The Dallas Cowboys
- Can a woman turn a man into a millionaire? Yes, if he's a billionaire...
- I just found out I'm a millionaire! I converted my paycheck to rubles.
- What do you call a Chinese Millionaire? Cha Ching
- How To Become a Millionaire: Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.
- He wasn't the most fit or handsome guy, but she loved him for what he is. A Millionaire.
- I'm almost a millionaire! I have all the zeros, just looking for the one.
- Did you hear about the obese millionaire? He has a four chin.
- I wish I were a millionaire like my father He too wished he were a millionaire
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Jokes
Here is a list of funny who wants to be a millionaire jokes and even better who wants to be a millionaire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad. He always wanted to be a millionaire too.
- Want to know an easy way to become a Millionaire? Be a Billionaire and start day-trading
- What is Jeff Bezos's favourite comedy show? "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
- My dad always wanted me to be a millionaire and thankfully I didn't disappoint him. He died before he got a chance to see how poor I am.
- Do you want to know how to become a millionaire? Invest $1 billion and follow the advice of wallstreetbets
- I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad He wanted to be a millionaire too
- Your mama so poor....... She went on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire just to make a phone call.
- I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
- I told my friend that I wanted to be a millionaire just like my grandfather. "Your grandfather was a millionaire?"
"No, but he wanted to be." - I want to become millionaire like my uncle He also want to become millionaire
Hilarious Millionaire Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about millionaire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rich man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make millionaire pranks.
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
My wife....
"Thanks to my wife I am now a millionaire!"
"Wow that's great!"
"I was a billionaire..."
A teacher said to her class, "Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do"...
Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. "Why aren't you writing Johnny?" she asked. Johnny looked up. "I'm waiting for my secretary."
A millionaire,a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar.
When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly then quaffs the rest.
It's now the cheapskate's turn: He sticks his hand in the beer, grabs the fly, and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
A joke from my mom. A husband and wife are in bed...
A husband and wife are in bed watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Feeling frisky, the husband turned to his wife and asked, "Do you want to have s**...?"
"No." she answered.
He then asked, "Is that your final answer?"
Without looking away from the TV, she replied, "Yes."
Without skipping a beat, the husband said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
My wife and I were watching Millionaire in bed.
I turned to her and asked, 'Do you want to have s**...?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said,'Is that your final answer?'
'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
How does a women make you a millionaire?
You start as a billionaire
So I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to have s**... while we were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire ...
"No." she answered.
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes". she said
I pulled out my phone, got up and said:
"Then I'd like to phone a friend"
And that's how you turn a girlfriend into an ex.
How do you become a millionaire overnight?
Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out.
They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.
We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire.
Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies,
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?"
A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.
The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"
The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."
The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"
The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."
A boy asks his dad the difference between theory and reality..
Dad: "Go ask your sister and your mom if they'd sleep with the neighbor for a million bucks".
The boy returns awhile later...
Dad: "Well, what'd they say?"
Son: "They said that they would, but I still don't understand the difference between theory and reality".
Dad: "Son, in theory we could be millionaires but in reality we live with a couple of w**...".
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have s**...?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...
Guy wins lottery, comes home
"Honey, I won the lottery, I'm a millionaire, come on, start packing!"
"That's awesome dear, where are we going?"
"What do you mean *we?*"
Two step program to become a millionaire in less than a year!
1. Become billionaire.
2. Get married.
Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
Millionaire Interview
Interviewer : Sir, who helped you on becoming a Millionaire?
Millionaire : My wife........ I was a billionaire before.
What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive?
Terminal illness.
Did you know a girl can make you a millionaire?
Only if you're a billionaire.
And that's how the fight started...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have s**...?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
Did you hear about the man who became a millionaire with one homing pigeon?
He sold it for a dollar and it came home a million times.
If I had $500,000 for every existing gender
I'd be a millionaire.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
Difference between Hypothetical and actual
So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."
His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "
So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."
"But I don't get it", the boy says.
"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of w**...."
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
How do you become a millionaire by working for an MLM?
Start off as a billionaire
My wife made me a millionaire.
I was a billionaire before I met her.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
I was surprised when my boss told me that our company was bought by a millionaire from Barcelona.
Nobody expects the Spanish acquisition
What do you call an Irish millionaire?
A ginger bread man.
My wife made me a millionaire.
What were you before you married her?
A billionaire.
Can a woman make you a Millionaire?
Only if you are a Billionaire.
An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..
Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....
How can a woman make you a millionaire?
First you have to be a billionaire
Thanks to my wife I'm now a millionaire
Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.
How does a woman turn a man into a millionaire?
She marries a billionaire.
Potential vs realistic
A boy asked his dad to help him with his homework explaining potential vs realistic.
Dad tells the boy to ask his mom if she would sleep with an old man for 1 million dollars.
The boy asks and she says yes.
Dad tells the boy to ask his college aged sister the same. He does and she says yes.
The boys tells his dad what they said and the dad says:
"Potentially we are millionaires but realistically we are living with a couple of w**..."
Last joke(joke3)
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him
How did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
"SIMPLE" grins the millionaire, "I faked my age".
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"WELL", He replied. "I said I was 87!".
Final question on who wants to be a millionaire.
Host: When your wife goes to sleep, what does she wear?
1. Under garments.
2. Pyjama suit.
3. She sleeps n**....
4. Something s**....
Contestant: I would like to phone a friend.
A man walks in to a bar
And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..
An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth...
He says: "When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents. This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars."
A sixty year old millionaire ran into an old friend in a jewelry store after a gap of several years and proudly introduces him to his gorgeous twenty eight year old wife.
The friend eyes her as she tries on a necklace in the tabletop mirror and whispers, "You lucky dog, how did you net someone like her?"
The millionaire leans in closer and whispers conspiratorially, "I told her that I was eighty."
Thanks to my girlfriend, I am a millionaire.
I was a billionaire a few days before we met.
A man is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and is at the million dollar question.
The question is "which of these birds doesn't build its own nest? a.the cuckoo b. the sparrow c. the eagle or d. the red-tailed hawk. He only has "phone a friend left", so he calls his friend and repeats the question. His friend immediately says it's the cuckoo. The guy asks if he's sure and he says "yes, positive". The guy answers the cuckoo and wins a million dollars. When he goes to thank his friend the next day, he asks "how did you the cuckoo doesn't built it's own nest?" and the friend replied "Because it lives in a clock, duh!"
If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,
You would be dead.
The difference between theoretically and practically
A son asks his father, dad, what is the difference between theoretically and practically? The father promptly instructs the boy, Go ask your mother if she would sleep with our neighbor for $1 million and then go ask your sister the same question.
The son does just that. His mother answers with a clear yes and so does his sister. Excited he goes back to his father and tells him they both said yes. To which the father replies, you see son, theoretically we're millionaires, practically we live with two w**....
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
If you're ever feeling down...
Just remember, you're closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is!
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" in bed.
I asked if she want to have s**.... She said no. I asked, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time and said, "Yes.."
I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how to turn a wife into an ex-wife.
Sometimes when I'm feeling down I like to remind myself,
At least I'm closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is!
What's the fastest way to become a Millionaire?
Be a Billionaire and invade Ukraine.
>NK Lukoil PAO
>
>6.96 USD
>
>\-84.96 (-92.43%)past month
What's the easiest way to become a cryptocurrency millionaire?
>!Start as a cryptocurrency billionaire and hodl. !<
The other day I woke up a millionaire
Then I apologized and proceeded to serve him breakfast in bed
it has always been my dream to be a multi millionaire like my father...
...my father has been dreaming of becoming a multi millionaire too.
