Miller Jokes
59 miller jokes and hilarious miller puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about miller that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of Miller jokes, perfect for any fan of Miller Lite, Miller High Life, and Miller Light. From the clever barbs of Nick Miller to the sharp quips of Abby Lee Miller to the absurd outbursts of Collins and Schneider and Gillette. Enjoy a few laughs with this amazing selection of jokes.
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Funniest Miller Short Jokes
Short miller jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The miller humour may include short brewer jokes also.
- If there's one thing we can learn from Mac Miller... It's how to get out of attending your ex's wedding
- Why is it bad that Peyton Manning shilled for Budweiser? Because he clearly owed the win to Miller.
- Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID? It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.
- I know there are about to be a lot of jokes about Mac Miller but please, keep the quantity down I'd hate to overdose on them
- Mac Miller recently passed away. All of his homies are wearing their pants at half mast in his honor
- TJ Miller should change his name... ...to TJ Maxx: A disorganized mess of stuff that can now be had at a severe discount to it's previous value.
- My buddy asked if I wanted a beer... And I was like, "Sure what do ya got?"
And he said, "Coors Lite, Miller Lite, and Mike's Hard"
I said, "Good for Mike. I'll take a Coors." - In the beginning... Miller Brewing said, "Let there be Lite."
The Fat Broad said, "Less filling, but I'm not sure it tastes great." - Why were Star Wars fans upset with the new scenes filmed by Ron Howard? Because Lord and Miller shot first.
- If 50 cent is broke and struggling for somewhere to live He should ask Roger Miller as he has rooms to let 50 cent
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Miller One Liners
Which miller one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with miller? I can suggest the ones about windmill and miles.
- Congrats Mac Miller! 1 week sober!
- What is a pothead's favorite beer? Miller High Life
- T.J. Miller and I have so much in common! We're both not going to be in Deadpool 3
- What does Ariana Grande... What does Ariana Grande order at McDonald's ?
A Mac Miller. - Eminem's verse on Not Alike is so hard that Mac Miller killed himself.
- Mac miller died on Friday. He was gone by the weekend
- Ariana Grande said "God is a woman"... Mac Miller went to go prove her wrong
- Mac Miller Heard Mac Miller's fall line is supposed to be killer.
- Mac Miller just died There's an OD on 5th Ave.
- Ariana Grande & Mac Miller split up. I hope it wasn't because Mac was on that Khaled diet
- How do you call Nikola Tesla's wife? Mina Miller
- New Miller Lite flavor Miller Lite Me on Fire I Want to Die
- Why couldn't Miss Miller find the bug in her class? She couldn't see sharp.
- Where would you find Percy Miller's toothbrush? In his Master P room.
- It's not on a map, or some app. MILLER LIGHT
Mac Miller Jokes
Here is a list of funny mac miller jokes and even better mac miller puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Still Not Sure Why People Consider Mac Miller and XXXTentacion Mainstream? I mean they are some of the only true underground rappers.
- What's the deal with white rappers suddenly getting all this attention? Just look at Mac Miller
The Funniest Miller Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about miller you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make miller pranks.
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
Only Beer drinkers would understand
In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held.
The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!
The president of Budweiser asked for The King of Beers, make it a Bud! .
Adolph Coors requested a From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don't mind.
And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
And you sir? he queried.
I'll have a Coke! was Guinness's reply.
A Coke??!? The waiter was shocked.
Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?
Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. Well, he said, If they're not drinking beer, then neither will I!
Beer CEOs walk into a bar...
The CEOs of Budweiser, Guinness, Coors, and Miller all walk into a bar after a beer-tasting contest. The CEO of Budweiser steps up to the bar and says: "I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers!" The Coors CEO says: "I'll have a Coors, the beer as cool as the Rockies!" The Miller CEO says, in turn: "I'll have the good ol' taste of a triple-hops brewed Miller!" The CEO of Guinness ponders for a moment and says to the bartender: "Oh, I'll just have a Coke." Bewildered, the other 3 CEOs stare and ask why he didn't order a beer. The Guinness CEO shrugged and said "Well, if you weren't ordering beer, I didn't think I would either".
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...
...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...
And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!"
And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!"
And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola."
The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?"
To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to order beer, neither am I!"
5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.
Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller
My first drink with my son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dang squirrels
There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.
One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the s**... things off. Well his apprentice mixed up the flours and he ended up having to throw out his whole stock of flour and the squirrels remained
Seeing how badly his friend had blundered with his antics, the blacksmith thinks he has a better idea. "I'll roast'm out" he says to himself and proceeds to make his forge extremely hot.... and ends up burning his shop to the ground. the squirrels remained.
The priest being fed up with the squirrels running around and ruining mass gathers up all the squirrels in one place and baptizes every one of them. Now they only come to the church on Christmas and Easter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A military plane crashes on a cannibal island
The soldiers are captured, and the chief asks them "Right, which one of you is the commander?"
"That's me, Commander Joe Miller."
"Well, congratulations, Joe, by tomorrow you'll be Commander-in-Chief!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Chuck Schumer and Tom Brady
Tom Brady is a Patriot and a winner.
(Thank you Dennis Miller)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack and Jill...
Jack and Jill worked at the mill before the work did slack off.
The miller cried, "I can't decide whether to lay Jill or j**...."
Stay neglectful my friends
I adopted 3 kids recently and named them after my favorite beers; Bud Light, Miller Light, and Dos Equis. I work long days and am occasionally allowed to bring one child with me to the office. When faced with the decision of which child to take with me to work I always pick Dos Equis, because I don't always watch my kids but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
T.J. Miller has brought his comedy to a whole new level
At least when it comes to b**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From the death notice of a local newspaper: After a very hard and painfull life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace...
The f**... of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.
A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.
The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.
A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "
Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "
Stunned, the paramedic says " Do you mean everybody died ? "
Trump replies " Some of them claimed they weren't dead, but you know how the press lies ! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to the store
She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know you're single". The woman is surprised and laughs "That's crazy! How can you tell just based on my items?!". The cashier replies, "its cause you're ugly"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump: "The less immigrants we allow, the better!"
Miller: "The fewer..."
Trump: "Stephen! I told you never to call me that in public!"
Joined to a trend of translating jokes from native language
The commander showing a new tank to the soldiers.
"Here, comrade warriors, this is our new secret tank. Sergeant Jones!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Lift up the tank."
Jones trying to lift the tank, pushing, panting, but can't do it.
"Smith, go help Jones!"
They are trying together, same business.
"Can't lift it, sir!"
"Private Miller, help them."
They puffing together, no result.
"There is no way to lift up this thing, sir!"
"Well, what did you expect? It's 46 tons!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Amish women...
Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's t**... .
Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???
Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant
The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman's doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.
What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?
The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, tell me, does she still have the hiccups?
