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Milking Jokes

62 milking jokes and hilarious milking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about milking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore the world of milking jokes! These bovine-related jokes, sometimes called "milking the clock" jokes, provide a legendairy laugh. Find out what makes these cow puns so moo-ving.

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Funniest Milking Short Jokes

Short milking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The milking humour may include short milked jokes also.

  1. Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee" Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"
  2. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  3. How to determine the gender of your cat ? pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
  4. My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... Oh wait. She's back. She just went to get some milk.
  5. What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture
  6. Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*
    "Yeah, it's easy."
    Wife: "I mean from the store."
    Me: "I'd imagine it weigh the same there too"
  7. Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in the universe? Before you see it, it's already pasteurized
  8. why elon musk is A true Edison of our time ? Because He found a way to milk Nicolai after he has been long in the grave, too
  9. What's the difference between Jesus' crucifixion and a cow? You cant milk a cow for 2000 years.
  10. A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.

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Milking One Liners

Which milking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with milking? I can suggest the ones about cow milked and produce milk.

  1. How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.
  2. What's the fastest liquid on Earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
  3. What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? Can't milk a cow for 21 years.
  4. Dad joke..... Dad: what are you drinking, son?
    Son: Soy Milk
    Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre
  5. Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
  6. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
  7. How can you milk a sheep? Release a new iPhone.
  8. Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk
    Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre
  9. My brother just threw a milk carton at me How dairy.
  10. What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.
  11. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
  12. How do you milk sheep? Release new iPhone with less accessories
  13. What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Cacao
  14. What do you call a cow with Parkinson's? A milk shake
  15. What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk? None. There is udder silence.

Milking Cow Jokes

Here is a list of funny milking cow jokes and even better milking cow puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
    Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
  • What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.
  • When I was a kid, I loved milk so much that I said I was going to marry a cow Took me a good few years to realise why my father used to tell me, You probably will...
  • What's the difference between a guy dying on a cross and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 2000 years.
  • I'm just milking it now. Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.
    It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
  • My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
  • What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? ...you can't milk a cow for a decade straight.
  • What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? An udder failure.
  • Cows are amazing Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmers talk to them.
    It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
  • What do you call a cow that can't moo? A milk dud
    Credit to my 5 year old nephew
Milking joke, What do you call a cow that can't moo?

Fun-Filled Milking Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about milking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pumping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make milking pranks.

The guy who discovered milk.

What was he doing when he discovered milk, and why was he milking the cow?

A farmer walks into his barn with a bucket.

He starts milking his cow, while a pesky fly continues to buzz around the cows head. Suddenly the fly goes straight in to the cows ear. The farmer doesn't think much of it, just continues milking, when suddenly it shoots out into the bucket. The farmer, freaked out, exclaimed "it went in one ear and out the udder!"

The road was wet, the moon was high, we were alone, just her and I. The moon was bright, her eyes were too, I knew just what she wanted to do.. So with my courage, I did my best, and placed my hand, upon her breast. I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how..

It was my first time ever, milking a cow.

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

I'm writing a song about milking a cow.

It's all quarter notes.

New guy at work is getting all the attention because of his third n**......

He wont stop milking it!

I started a project to hire people with depression on my dairy farm...

if there's one thing they're good at its milking it.

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

You hear the one about the cow that told too many jokes?

They say he was milking it.

How does a farmer count his cows?

With a COWculator...
But, what if they all have babies?
Then he MOOtiplies them!
Man, I'm really milking these puns for more than they're worth...

Did you hear the latest United Airlines joke? Passengers thought it was hilarious.

Had em rolling in the aisles
Yep, still milking it....

My girlfriend asked me "How awesome is Ed Sheeran?"

I said "He's OK - but I think he is better at milking cows."

What does Activision and a Dairy worker have in common?

They both love milking.

I'm sick of these people milking the EA conflict for karma!

I hope it at least gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

What's another name for milking a cow?

Beef Jerky.

I can't decide what to buy for my farm?

Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?
Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.
Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!

My wife has to pump breast milk multiple times a day and she's always complaining about it.

I think she's just milking it.

A buddy of mine called and asked what I was up to, I told him "Chopping wood and milking my cows..."

"...then later I'm gonna chop the cows and milk my wood."

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation

If a farmer keeps telling the same joke over and over again to a cow

Would you say he's milking it?

I bought a cow last week...

The old farmer who sold her to disclosed that only 3 out of the 6 teats produced milk. I brought home and went to milking only to find that he lied and not a single t**... produced milk! It was an udder failure.

I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but...

How do you milk a skim?

A farmer is sitting in bed with his wife

He reaches over and playfully squeezes her breast and says you know, if we could get these to work, we could get rid of the milking cow
She reaches down between his legs and says yes, and if you could get this to work, we could get rid of the farm hand .

You know the worst thing about working on a farm?

Milking the cows is udderly exhausting.

One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself.

When he was confronted about it he said, "What an utter lie."

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."
"Just past your eyes."

What do you call it when you're milking a cow, and the milk goes everywhere but in the bucket?

Udder chaos

I was trying to milk a goat once...

One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.
I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.
Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...

And my wife came to the barn...

There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.

Some guy just threw a gallon of milk at me!

How dairy
This was udderly dumb, I should stop milking this

What did the bull say to the milkman, when he tried milking him?

take the udder one!

What does milking a cow smell like?

Dairy Air

What's it like milking a crazy cow?

Udder madness.

A farmer was milking his cow

At one point, he noticed a fly buzzing in the cows' ear.
Shortly after the farmer looked down at the bucket and noticed a fly swimming in the milk.
"Huh," said the farmer. "In one ear, out the udder."

Milking joke, A farmer was milking his cow

jokes about milking