Milk Day Jokes
103 milk day jokes and hilarious milk day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about milk day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Milk Day Short Jokes
Short milk day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The milk day humour may include short milk jokes also.
- So I have a pretty good fathers day joke Can't wait to tell my dad when he finally brings the milk home
- So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me. How dairy.
- My milk expires next thursday That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
- What did they call the arab dairy farmer who became the chief? A milk sheikh
Figured I had 6 min for my cake day, and for some reason that was the joke that popped in my head - Back in my day, you could walk into a store with $25 and walk out with 2 ribeye steaks, a case of beer, a pack of toilet paper and a gallon of milk. You just can't do that anymore…. Too many cameras.
- I Remember when I could go to the local milk bar with a dollar and walk out with a big bag of lollies.
You can't do that anymore, things have changed.
These days they have cameras everywhere.. - What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight.
Be gentle... it's my cake day :-) - My wife has to pump breast milk multiple times a day and she's always complaining about it. I think she's just milking it.
- I was walking down the street the other day minding my own business. When out of nowhere a man ran up to me and attacked me with some milk and cheese.
How dairy! - One day on a farm, a man was accused of milking all the cows to keep the milk for himself. When he was confronted about it he said, "What an utter lie."
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Milk Day One Liners
Which milk day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with milk day? I can suggest the ones about mother day and cow milked.
- What does America and my Milk have in common? Both will go bad in 9 days.
- How often do Jamaican farmers milk their cows? Every udder day
- That long life milk is a total lie. I bought some for my wife and she died the next day.
- I saw a guy pour a pint of milk out on the floor the other day, I thought, how dairy!
- I bought a tin of evaporated milk the other day when I opened it, it was empty.
- Spoiler alert! The milk's got 1 day left
- If you are 150 lbs and drink 3 lbs of milk a day... You are literally 2% milk.
- I saw a guy stealing milk the other day... How dairy.
- Happy Milk day! Or as you hipsters call it MLK day!
- [Mildly Interesting] My milk expires today The same day America does too.
- How do you stop ISIS? Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.
Milk Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about milk day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dairy milk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make milk day pranks.
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, s**... the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it?
He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland.
On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.
The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples.
As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats.
She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?"
An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
Teacher: Your homework for today will be: Tell me what a cow gives us,tell me what a pig gives us,and tell me what a dog gives us
Next day
Teacher: Simon,what do you have vor an answer ?
Simon: A cow gives us milk,a pig gives us meat,and a dog gives us homework
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
(it's a long story)A farmer sees a stranger walking down the road...
A farmer sees a stranger walking down the road. In a few minutes the man comes back and hails the farmer. He says "I see you have some Honeysuckle growing down the road. I was wondering if you had an old jar that I can collect the honey in?"
The farmer is confused and says "Well you can have a jar, but you won't get honey from a Honeysuckle."
The man replies "If you know how you can."
So the farmer gives him the jar. Soon he comes back to show the farmer and, sure enough, the jar is full of golden honey.
A few days later the stranger comes by again. He says "I see you have some Milkweed growing along the road. Would you have a bucket I can collect some milk in."
The farmer laughs and says "That was a good trick with the honey, but you can't get milk from a Milkweed."
The man replies "If you know how you can."
The farmer gives him the bucket and soon enough he comes back with the pail full of milk.
A week later the stranger comes by again.
He says to the farmer "I see you have some Pussywillows growing.."
The farmers interrupts with "Wait'll I get my hat!"
Workers and Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth man was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.. But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles with three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, ""What can your cat do?" The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff. Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, bit the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers' Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
Irish cream
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. " The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland "
Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, Honey?" the husband inquired, as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue'., "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."
Little Johnny
Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.
Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."
Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day...
Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita."
Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"
Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home."
Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie! At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home."
Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."
All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey, relax girls... it hasn't opened yet!"
What Roses Drink?
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.
She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?
"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.
"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!
A priest goes to get a haircut...
Upon completion, the barber refuses payment.
"You do the work of God, I cannot take your money."
The following morning on his doorstep he found a basket of apples.
That day a Muslim religious came in to receive a haircut.
Upon complete the barber said: "You do God's work, I cannot take your money."
The following morning he found a gallon of goat milk on his doorstep.
That same day a Rabbi came in to get a haircut.
Upon completion the barber said: "I cannot take your money, you do God's work."
The following morning he found ten Rabbis on his doorstep.
It was all a big misunderstanding..
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So what happened that's so horrible?"
Farmer: "Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man: "OK, but that's not so bad."
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: " So what happened then? "
Farmer: " I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left . "
Man: "Again?"
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So, what did you do then?"
Farmer: " I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. "
Man: "And then?"
Man: "And then?"
Farmer: "Well, 1 sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Farmer: "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the s**... cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
Man: "Hmmm..."
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So, what did you do?"
Farmer: "Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. "
A rancher and his family have a milk cow...
A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.
One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his life.
The rancher's wife wakes up that same day, and goes to find her husband. When she sees the cow dead, and her husband hanging beside it, she goes to the nearby river and drowns herself.
The rancher's eldest son wakes up, finds the cow, his dad, and his mother all dead. He is approached by a beautiful woman who says that if he can make love to her 10 times in a row, that she will revive his parents and the cow. If he failed, she would kill him.
The eldest son, of course eager, immediately agrees. He doesn't make it, and she kills him on the spot.
The second eldest son wakes up, finds his family dead along with the cow, and is approached by this same mysterious beautiful woman, who proposes the same arrangement. This son, also eager, quickly jumps at the opportunity.
Again, the son falls short and is killed.
The third and youngest son wakes up and finds his family and cow dead, and is approached by the woman.
"Rough day, huh?" She said, offering him the same deal as her brothers.
"So I make love to you 10 times without stopping... and you bring everyone back... What if I make love to you 15 times?"
"Well... I'll bring everyone back, even the cow, and put a mansion where your little ranch is."
"Ok... well what if I make love to you 20 times without stopping?"
Laughing, the mysterious woman says, "Well, I'll give you a great big bag of gold, jewels, and money. So much that you and your family will be set for life."
"Fine, fine... but last question. If I make love to you 20 times without stopping, what's to stop you from dying from it? The milk cow did."
The Good Old Days!
Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.
"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
"Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...
They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.
The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.
The psychologist then says that if the walls were painted green the cows would be more relaxed and likely produce more milk.
When the physicist is called in he immediately draws a circle on a blackboard and says, "Now assume a cow is a sphere..."
A Husband working in UK wrote to his wife in India.
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected
my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied
Hey hubby
Thanks for the 100 kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of
the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only,so I gave him other items, I hope
you understand.
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can
survive the month using this balance.
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
Back in the day I could go to the store with $5 and come home with a gallon of milk, a lb of baloney, 3 packs of cigarettes and a 12 pack. Can't do that anymore.
There are to many security cameras these days.
This old man was reminiscing about the good old days...
When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs.
You can't do that now.
Too many f**...' security cameras.
My Favorite Family Appropriate Joke
A Penguin walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "got any milk?". The Bartender responds "no", and the Penguin leaves. The Penguin comes back to the bar the next day and asks the bartender "got any milk?". The Bartender replies "no", and the Penguin leaves. The Penguin comes back to the bar the next day and asks the bartender "got any milk?". The Bartender gets angry and replies "NO, and if you ask again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!", and the Penguin leaves. The Penguin comes back to the bar the next day and asks the bartender "got any nails?". The Bartender replies "no", then the Penguin asks "got any milk?"
Butcher Shop
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
My grandpa would always tell me...
that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.
A women was in bed with her lover...
when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner."
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you to." she said, "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Joneses bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to bed.
Around 2 in the morning, the husband got out of bed went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Joneses for 2 days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
It's just a game but...
last night Tom Brady was sacked more than milk and bread at the grocery store before a snow day
It's almost Valentine's day
It's almost Valentine's Day and I don't even have a date, even the milk carton has a date.
A joke told by an old man.
I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america.
Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get.
Me: s**... you can not do that today!
Oldman: Yeah, I know son! Now a days, there is just way to much security . . .
Duck walks into a bar...
Asks the bartender if he has any milk. Bartender informs him he doesn't serve milk, so the duck leaves. The following day the duck returns to the bar and asks the bartender if he has any milk, the bartender informs the duck he has no milk, so the duck leaves again. The next day the duck comes back into the bar and asks for bartender for some milk. The bartender being annoyed with this duck informs the duck: "I told you the past few days that I don't have any milk. If you come in again and ask me for milk, I will nail you to the floor!" The next day the duck comes in and asks the bartender "you got nails?", to which the bartender says "no, why?". The duck responds with "Got Milk?"
To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.
Worst high school experience ever...
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
An interviewer: asks, "How much milk do these cows give?"
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.
One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.
The next day, the twins' uncle died.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
MLK day
I'm kinda surprised it's a national holiday. I mean, I love milk as much as the next guy, but jeez.
An interviewer asks a shepard
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black ones or the brown ones?
Interviewer: Brown ones.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black ones?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which ones? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other ones?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black ones are mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown ones?
Farmer: they are also mine
A farmer is being interviewed about his cows
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
Interviewing a farmer
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
It's also mine
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
Cows
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
A farmer and an interviewer (long)
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The black one of the brown one?
Interviewer: The brown one.
Farmer: A couple liters a day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple liters a day.
Interviewer (a little confused): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one the black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer (annoyed): Why do you keep asking "which one" when the answer is the same?!
Farmer: Because the black ones mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: it's also mine.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine
Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…
You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…
I saw a guy in the supermarket the other day throwing milk and cheese everywhere.
I thought, how dairy.
What's the difference?
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer (naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer (now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
A little boy visits his farmer grandpa and watches him milk the cows.
A little boy visits his farmer grandpa and watches him milk the cows.
The next day one of the cows runs away and grandpa is really upset about it.
Don't worry, Grandpa, says the boy helpfully, she can't have gone very far with an empty tank.
Two friends were talking
And one said, 'What's the worst thing you've ever done?'
To which he replied, 'I stole some milk from the supermarket one day. What's the worst thing you've ever done?'
'I had s**... with my teacher.'
'But I thought you were homeschooled...'
'Yeah...'
The black and brown cows
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows produce a day?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or brown one?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Also grass.
Interviewer (now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: That's also mine.
$2 Grandpa....
Grandfather : There was once a time when I used to go with $2 in my pocket and I would come home with all groceries, bread, butter, milk, cookies, newspaper, etc.
Grandson : It's not possible to do so these days Grandpa. They've installed CCTV everywhere ...
I was walking down the street one day...
I was walking down the street one day when this guy assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter.
How dairy!
I know.... I know.... That was cheesy
A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.
There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced I smell milk and honey! The mother mole followed close behind him, took a whiff and said It smells like sugar cookies to me.
After the sisters and brothers ran up to the hole opening all made their guesses as to what the smell was, the youngest mole announced All I smell is molasses.
A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.
She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.
The scientist approaches the man and says pardon me, sir, but what's your secret to long life?
The man says I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate milk for breakfast and eat burgers for lunch and dinner, and I wash it all down with a swig of hard liquor .
Wow! exclaims the scientist. Exactly how old are you?
26.
When I was a kid, my dad would give me $5 and tell me to get groceries. I would come back with 2 j**... of milk, 2 dozen eggs, 1lb cheeze, 1lb Hamburger, 2 loafs of bread, and a half pound of butter.
But now a-days security has gotten better you just can't steal that much anymore.
One day in the galley of the Nostromo
A woman and her lover were in bed, when the woman heard her husband getting back.
The woman said Quick! Rub baby powder on you and pretend to be a statue. The lover did that.
The husband walked into the room.
Honey, what's this statue doing here? He asked.
I saw that the Smiths got one, so I decided to get one as well. She replied.
The husband got into bed, and the woman fell asleep. A few hours later, after checking his wife was asleep, he quietly got up, walked into kitchen, made a sandwich and got a glass of milk, came back, and went to the statue.
Here, have something to eat and drink. I stood like an idiot for 3 days at the Smiths, and no one offered me anything to eat!
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation
spoiled milk
An old lady was having s**... with her husband ,
the next day she found him dead , when she asked the doc why he died ,
he said that the cow that he drank mild from an old cow.
Days when my mama gave me 3$ and I came back with bread,
Eggs, milk, yoghurt, chocolate bars, chips, soda, icecream and a bunch of magazines.
Now, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.
A man is leaving the s**... bank at which he just donated and chats with the receptionist...
Man: Have a good day! And thanks again for that glass of milk earlier!
Receptionist: Wait wait wait... what milk?
M: The glass of milk that was sitting on your counter
R: Oh no... you drank the last of my milk
A Grandfather talks to his grandson
Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream
Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem gawddam cameras around!
The light switch [true story]
One day, the milkman came to the farm to bring the milk to the factory.
He left a note to my father saying : " the light switch isn't working "
To what my father replied another note : " the light switch doesn't like it gentle "
The dairy man left the last note : " Neither the baker's wife ! "
When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hotdogs and my favorite candy. You can't do that these days...
Too many d**... security cameras.
Oh shoot, it's Father's Day.
Maybe I'll get my father milk, so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.
Upon seeing a beautiful milkmaid, Thor appears before her in a flash of lightning...
Picking her up, he takes her to the hay loft where he proceeds to make ravenous love to her for thee days.
As the sun rose on the third day, he walked to the door and said "Woman! I must go. I have duties and I am Thor!"
To which she replied... "You're Thour? I'm not going to be able to thit down on that milking thtool for a week!"