Military Veteran Jokes
8 military veteran jokes and hilarious military veteran puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about military veteran that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Military Veteran Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good military veteran joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer.
He just kept telling me it's private.
I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset
But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.
So a recently separated veteran gets a civilian job.
He does a wonderful job, but there's only one problem: he always shows up late.
So his boss takes him aside and asks him, "Weren't you in the military? What would your leadership say if you were late?"
The veteran replies, "They'd say, 'Good morning, Sergeant Major. Your coffee's on your desk.'"
Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran?
Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an ex-military white supremacist?
A veteran-a**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a blonde haired, blue eyed soldier what he wanted to do after the military...
He said he just wants to get back home.
He wants to be a veteran a**....
So the army is forced to cut the pensions of some of their veterans...
In order to repay the veterans for their service they bring in three veterans. They tell the three that they will be reimbursed in money, in that each one can choose two points of their body, and the distance between the two will be how much money they receive.
Anyway, the first man goes and says, "I'll have my outstretched wingspan measured."
His wingspan is 160cm, so he is given $160.
The second man chooses the top of his head and his feet.
His height is 175cm, so he is given $175.
The third man steps up and says, "I'll have the distance from my right palm to my right index finger."
The military people first are confused, but then the man taking the measurements looks at his hand.
"Where's your right index finger, soldier?"
The veteran smiles and says, "Back where I lost it, in Vietnam."
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