Military Branch Jokes
32 military branch jokes and hilarious military branch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about military branch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Military Branch Short Jokes
Short military branch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The military branch humour may include short military jokes also.
- Did you hear Scotland is forming a new branch of their military? They are calling it The Scotchgard. Its motto is "To protect the very fabric of our nation."
- What's the fastest branch of the military? The Marines. When they retire, they're corvettes.
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Military Branch One Liners
Which military branch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with military branch? I can suggest the ones about armed services and armed forces.
- Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
- What's the most american US military branch? the air force. They're USAF.
- What are the three branches of the government? Military, Corporate, and Hollywood
- The Air Force is the most patriotic branch of the military Cuz they USAF
- What branch of the military did the hipster join? The Salvation Army.
- What military branch has the largest biceps? The Army.
- What branch of the military is most superior at hand-to-hand combat? The Arm-y
- I just joined an elite military branch of trained dolphins The Navy Squeals
- What branch of military would a pirate go into? The ARGHHHH-my
Comical Military Branch Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about military branch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean military rank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make military branch pranks.
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a pirate's favorite school subject?
Arrrrrrrrt.
What's a pirate's favorite body part?
The arrrrrm.
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
No. The Navy you idiot.
Why the different branches of the military can't work together:
The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.)
And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having "Space b**..." from here on out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys?
- With a crowbar.
And What's the worst thing in a woman?
- A Marine
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another Pirate joke?
Ok, so this three part one which requires a little build up:
Ask, "what a pirate's favorite letter?"
Usually people get the "Rrrr"
Ask, "What's a pirates favorite restaurant?"
Wait for a response: "Harrrdees" or "Arrrbys"
and lastly, ask "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"
At this point you should get "the ARrrrrmy" and you reply
"No it's the Navy s**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple pirate jokes
(Couple good misdirection jokes)
You: What's a pirates favorite military branch?
Friend:ARRRMY
You: No yee d**..., it's the coast guard.
You:What's a pirates favorite letter?
Friend:ARRRR
You: Aye, you think it be arr but it's the SEA! (C)
You:What's a pirates favorite fast food restaurant?
Friend:ARRRBYS
You: No. It's Long John Silver's.
When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.
The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.
The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.
The Navy ensured the lights the were out and the doors were locked.
And...
The airforce took out a 3 year lease with an option to buy.
the differences between the branches of the US military
If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to
If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch
If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am looking for other military jokes.
**What's The Difference?**
Do you want to know the difference between the branches of the U.S. military? If you say to them "Secure that building!"
* THE ARMY will go in k**... down doors, lay down suppressive fire, neutralize all hostiles and safely recover any civilians.
* THE MARINES will set up a razor wire perimiter, establish patrols, and deny access to unauthorized personnel.
* THE NAVY will unplug the coffee maker and turn off the computers and lights before leaving for the day.
* THE AIR FORCE will lease it for six years, with an option to buy.
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."