Mile Wide Jokes
11 mile wide jokes and hilarious mile wide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mile wide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mile Wide Short Jokes
Short mile wide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mile wide humour may include short milky way jokes also.
- The bible says that heaven is 1500 miles wide and 1500 miles high, built out of gold as clear as glass. There are going to be a lot of birds dying in the eternal paradise...
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Mile Wide Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about mile wide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean miles nearest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mile wide pranks.
A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway
The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gosa, the village idiot
Gosa, the village idiot, is walking along the banks of the Nile when Abdullah sees him and calls across from the other side
'Gosa, the Nile is wide and mighty, and the nearest crossing is miles away, how did you get to the other side?'
Gosa, with a smile on his face, replies
'But my dear friend Abdullah, you ARE on the other side!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Idiot pilots - an old one if you haven't heard it . . .
Two idiot pilots are coming-in for a landing.
"Give me 10% flaps," the pilot says.
"Okay, 20% now."
"And, 30%."
"Hey it looks like we're coming in pretty fast," the co-pilot says.
"Yeah, give me 40% flaps."
"Better make that 50%."
"Whoa, this isn't gonna work, 60%, no 80%!"
"Give me 90%, give me 100!!"
The plane hits the runway, the pilot slams on the brakes, and the plane stops just inches from the edge. The pilot wipes his brow and turns to the co-pilot.
"Wow, that's the shortest runway I've ever seen. But, you know, it must be a mile wide." ha ha
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is stopped by a traffic cop...
'Did you know you were three miles over the speed limit, sir? The officer asks.
The man begins to explain 'I'm really sorry officer I'm late for my a**... stretching appointment'
Seeing the perplexed look on the officers face he continues, 'what they do is, put one finger in and work it around until they can fit two in, then keep going until they can get four in, then a hand, then both hands, then both arms to the elbow and it keeps going until my a**... is six foot wide'
The officer, still perplexed, says 'what can you do with a six foot a**...?
To which the man replies 'Stand him by the side of the road with a radar gun.'
Speeding Drivers
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police and Old Women
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**
Five old ladies in a car . . .
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
Baby camel talking to daddy camel
"Dad, why have we got these humps?"
"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"
"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"
"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and treacherous, and we need wide feet to avoid sinking as we labor across the dunes"
"Dad, why have we got thick coats?"
"Well, my son, it is bitterly cold at night in the deserts, and we need thick coats to protect us from biting wind and fierce sandstorms"
"Dad...?"
"Yes son..?"
"Why do we live in the New York Zoo?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train..
Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these are as cheap as dirt." Then Vladimir Putin pulls a bottle of expensive Russian v**... out of his pocket and, after a few sips, throws the bottle out the window. Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are both surprised and ask "what are you doing, Vladimir, that is expensive v**...!" To which Putin responds "Pah! In your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in Russia this v**... is as plentiful as rainwater. The Oort Cloud considers this for a minute or two, and then throws a six-mile-wide comet out of the window which, on impact, incinerates everything within a thirty-mile radius, causes massive earthquakes and tsunamis for thousands of miles in each direction, and kicks up a cloud of dust and ash that eventually encircles the Earth wiping out nearly all forms of life in a matter of months.
...
I don't care if it's old. This is probably the best joke ever.