Following is our collection of funny Mile jokes. There are some mile gallons jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mile mile high club puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.
No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.
So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:
-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?
And he says:
-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!
That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.
Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave
When asked why, he said that it's not twerking.
twerk
But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".
One day, Miley Cyrus had a business suit on and was carrying a briefcase.
When she walked outside, a man noticed what she was wearing.
"Wow, you're looking fancy. Where are you even going?" the man asked.
She responded "Twerk."
Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.
Then you will be a mile away from them, and you will have their shoes. (originally a Jack Handey joke)
You can explore mile metric reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mile footrace dad jokes. There are also mile puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.
The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.
"Sir, if you ever come within a mile of my house, I hope you will stop there."
because I always miss the exit on the freeway.
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
That way when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Smiles.
Because it's two S's with a mile in between.
(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)
Twerky.
most everywhere else in the world, she'd be Kilometery Cyrus
-New York's most hated cab driver
Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter
When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.
Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
So he up and moved
then you'll be a mile away and in his shoes.
SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!
Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
A high-jacker.
After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.
But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"
.. can retrieve a stick from up to a mile away, or does that sound far fetched ?
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
Seems pretty far fetched to me.
It must be a mile stone!
Then, when you criticise that person again, you'll be a mile away AND have their shoes.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"
Smiles, there's a mile between the two s
That way you'll be out of range and he'll be barefoot.
That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.
After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.
A Hijacking.
Three women were stranded on an island after a shipwreck, a redhead, brunette and a blonde. The nearest civilization was a 40 mile swim away. The redhead swam 10 miles and drowned. The brunette swam 15 miles and drowned. The blonde swam 20 miles, became exhausted and decided she wouldn't be able to make the rest of the swim; so she swam back.
Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
And that is why I'm banned from all zoos within a 100 mile radius
Give a woman an inch and she'll be a bit disappointed.
SpaceX
Now he's 70, but we have no idea where he is
That way, when you do judge them or say something bad about them, you're already a mile ahead of them... And you have their shoes.
Cops got me before I could get to the end of it.
But when I do it I'm drunk and ruining the wedding
Then you will be a mile away!
And you will have their shoes.
But I always remind him that before he judges me he should walk a mile in my shoes.
He had a good run.
Because men are the only ones that can pretend an inch to be a mile.
Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!
Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.
Trouble is, my passengers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.
If you still don't like that person, at least you have their shoes a mile away from where they are
Seems a little far fetched to me.
Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11
"One says, "I've never come this way before."
The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."
Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea isβ¦
far fetched?
His scream was heard a mile away.
That way once you judge them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
Some people... You give them an inch and they take a mile
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"
He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.
I then thought.. I could actually win this.
...then I'd bet you saw this cumin from a mile away.
"smiles"...
The first and last letters are a mile apart
That way you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.
trying to read a billboard a half mile away. When his friend asked him what he was doing, Johnny said, "my mom says I can only go out and play if I have super vision".
He always goes the extra mile.
I need a new driver.
And then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
That way you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.
twerky!
Because then you are a mile away and have their shoes!
It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke weed and can run a 3-day mile.
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away...
I said that was naan scents.
Every time she mentions marriage, I run a mile.
That way you will be a mile away and have his shoes.
Kilometers Morales
Apparently they didn't like me going the extra mile.
Despite going the *extra* mile, the clients were never happy.
That seems a bit far-fetched to me..
Then when you do criticize the person, you would be a mile away already.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mile sped jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working mile acre piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.