The Best 89 Mile Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mile jokes. There are some mile gallons jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mile mile high club puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mile Jokes and Puns

This Hurricane should have been called Snooki...

The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.

Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

Hearing problems

So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:

-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?

And he says:

-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!

Mile joke, Hearing problems

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes...

That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.

Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance...

Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave


Miley Cyrus's fiancΓ© wants to break up with her.

When asked why, he said that it's not twerking.

Where will Miley Cyrus go when her showbiz career is over?

twerk

Mile joke, Where will Miley Cyrus go when her showbiz career is over?

When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".

Miley Gets Classy

One day, Miley Cyrus had a business suit on and was carrying a briefcase.
When she walked outside, a man noticed what she was wearing.
"Wow, you're looking fancy. Where are you even going?" the man asked.
She responded "Twerk."

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.

LPT: If you are have a problem with someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.

Then you will be a mile away from them, and you will have their shoes. (originally a Jack Handey joke)

You can explore mile metric reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mile footrace dad jokes. There are also mile puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Eminem's "8 Mile" wasn't very well received in Canada

I guess the title "12.8748 Kilometer" just isn't as catchy.

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.

End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.

Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.

End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"

"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.

While visiting Ireland last year, a nice friendly old man said to me...

"Sir, if you ever come within a mile of my house, I hope you will stop there."

I always go the extra mile...

because I always miss the exit on the freeway.

Always helpful...

Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

Mile joke, Always helpful...

Before you judge a person make sure you walk a mile in their shoes.

That way when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

What is the longest word in the English language?

Smiles.

Because it's two S's with a mile in between.

(My 60 year old co-worker just told me that joke)

What does Miley Cyrus serve on Thanksgiving?

Twerky.


Miley Cyrus is a strictly american phenomenon...

most everywhere else in the world, she'd be Kilometery Cyrus

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"

-New York's most hated cab driver

Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer naked, it's art.

When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, "9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."

So he up and moved

When you criticize a person, walk a mile in his shoes...

then you'll be a mile away and in his shoes.

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....

Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is

What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself?

A high-jacker.

As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.

After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.

Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's "sexy" and "art"

But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"

My Dog

.. can retrieve a stick from up to a mile away, or does that sound far fetched ?

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"

"I did Teacher"

"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"

"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."

"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"

"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"

A mate told me that he threw a stick over a mile and his dog caught and returned it.

Seems pretty far fetched to me.

I just found a rock that is 1760 yards long...

It must be a mile stone!

Before you criticise a person try walking a mile in their shoes.

Then, when you criticise that person again, you'll be a mile away AND have their shoes.

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles, there's a mile between the two s

Before you criticize a gunman you should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you'll be out of range and he'll be barefoot.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."

After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

My dad always taught me to go the extra mile...

I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A Hijacking.

Three women were stranded on an island after a shipwreck

Three women were stranded on an island after a shipwreck, a redhead, brunette and a blonde. The nearest civilization was a 40 mile swim away. The redhead swam 10 miles and drowned. The brunette swam 15 miles and drowned. The blonde swam 20 miles, became exhausted and decided she wouldn't be able to make the rest of the swim; so she swam back.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

I have the heart of a lion

And that is why I'm banned from all zoos within a 100 mile radius

Give a man an inch and he'll take a mile.

Give a woman an inch and she'll be a bit disappointed.

What's better than the mile high club?

SpaceX

When our grandad was 65, we told him to run a mile everyday.

Now he's 70, but we have no idea where he is

LPT: When you're about to judge someone or say something bad about someone, consider walking a mile in their shoes first

That way, when you do judge them or say something bad about them, you're already a mile ahead of them... And you have their shoes.

I once tried to walk a mile in another man's shoes

Cops got me before I could get to the end of it.

When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a sledgehammer it's art and music

But when I do it I'm drunk and ruining the wedding

If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes

Then you will be a mile away!
And you will have their shoes.

Whenever I complain about things I have a friend confined to a wheelchair that will bust my chops about how easy I have it.

But I always remind him that before he judges me he should walk a mile in my shoes.

Roger Bannister, the guy who first broke the 4 minute mile, just died at 88.

He had a good run.

Why can't women read maps?

Because men are the only ones that can pretend an inch to be a mile.

Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back!

Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

If you don't agree with someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.

I tried to be an Uber driver...

Trouble is, my passengers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.

If you dont like someone, walk in their shoes for a mile.

If you still don't like that person, at least you have their shoes a mile away from where they are

Did you hear about the dogs that can retrieve a ball from over a mile away?

Seems a little far fetched to me.

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56

Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31

Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03

But Bush did 9:11

Two nuns are cycling down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh....

"One says, "I've never come this way before."

The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."

Would you believe me…

Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…

far fetched?

The world champion in ventriloquism was murdered yesterday.

His scream was heard a mile away.

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes.

That way once you judge them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.

My wife always takes a run right after we have sex

Some people... You give them an inch and they take a mile

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

A man is driving down a country road...

... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.

"Looks like your timing chain broke"

He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.

The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.

A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.

"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"

"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.

Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"

My mate asked me to do a charity 5 mile run... I said no.

He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.

I then thought.. I could actually win this.

If you told me you have a great eye for spices...

...then I'd bet you saw this cumin from a mile away.

What is the longest word in the English language?

"smiles"...

The first and last letters are a mile apart

Before you insult a man you should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

Johnny was looking out the window, straining his eyes...

trying to read a billboard a half mile away. When his friend asked him what he was doing, Johnny said, "my mom says I can only go out and play if I have super vision".

I hired a new driver last month...

He always goes the extra mile.


I need a new driver.

Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in his shoes

And then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Before you make fun of someone walk a mile in their shoes...

That way you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

twerky!

Never judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes

Because then you are a mile away and have their shoes!

I can't blame them for disqualifying Sha'Carri Richardson after she tested positive for marijuana.

It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke weed and can run a 3-day mile.

Why to Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away...

My wife said she could smell an Indian flatbread from a mile away.

I said that was naan scents.

My girlfriend is really helping me to keep fit.

Every time she mentions marriage, I run a mile.

Before you bad mouth someone, walk a mile in his shoes

That way you will be a mile away and have his shoes.

What is Miles Morales called outside of the U.S., Liberia, and Myanmar?

Kilometers Morales

I got fired from Uber

Apparently they didn't like me going the extra mile.

Why did the Taxi driver never get tips?

Despite going the *extra* mile, the clients were never happy.

My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away..

That seems a bit far-fetched to me..

Next time before you do criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

Then when you do criticize the person, you would be a mile away already.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mile sped jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mile acre piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes