mike Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious mike stories

What are the best Mike puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Mike? Well here is a complete list of Mike dad jokes:

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

​

👍🏼

I tried to force feed my child...

After a while, my wife said, "Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you're not a Jedi."

👍🏼

A man stopped by to see his friend who recently broke both his legs.

After about an hour of conversation, Mike asks,
"Bill, would you mind running up stairs and grab my slippers for me? Stairs are a little difficult."
"Yea man. No problem."
As Bill is walking down the hallway upstairs he peeked through a door and sees Mike's gorgeous twin 18 yo daughters.
He opens the door and says,
"Your dad sent me up to have sex with you two."
With the look if disbelief on their faces, he says,
"Look, ill prove it to you".
He yells downstairs and says,
"Hey Mike. Both of them?"
Mike "Hell yea, both of them. What good is just one?!"

👍🏼

What do you call Mike Tyson without any arms?

Whatever you want

👍🏼

Blind Date

Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!

👍🏼

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

👍🏼

At the Funeral

3 gay men died and were all cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral at the same time.

They started discussing what to do with their lover's ashes. The first guy says:

"Gary loved to fly. I'm going to go up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second guy says:

"Mike was a great fisherman. I'm going to spread his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third guy says:

"I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of 5-alarm chili so he can tear up my ass one more time.

👍🏼

What did Mike Tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad?

That's methed-up!

👍🏼

What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money ...

but doesn't understand maths.

- Mike Birbiglia

👍🏼

A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing...

'He's like a fish out of water.'

'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?'

'No, I mean he's dead.'

-Mike Close-

👍🏼

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer?

It has two bytes and no memory

👍🏼

What do "Jingle Bells" sung by Mike Tyson and a green and red g-string have in common?

They're both Christmith Thongs.

👍🏼

what do Mike Tyson and outdoor patios have in common?

They're both roofless.

👍🏼

New bikes for "clever" engineers.

Mike, an engineer, rides his new bike to his friends Rob's house who is also an engineer. Rob asks Mike where he got the new bike. Mike tells Rob about the encounter he had that very morning. He said that a beautiful bombshell blonde woman came riding up to his house while he was out front watering the lawn.

He proceeds to tell Rob that she stopped in front of his house on the bike, took off all of her clothes and said take what you want.

Rob looks at Mike and said "Yeah the clothes wouldn't have fit you"

👍🏼

Two Men in a Country Club...

Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."

👍🏼

What do Dracula's girlfriend and Mike Tyson have in common?

They both go down for the count!!

👍🏼

Mike goes to a law consultant.

He asks: So how much do you charge per question?

Consultant: 150€.

Mike: Isn't it too expensive?

Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.

👍🏼

Some recent grads having a beer..

Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.

That would be interesting, said Doug, I'd like to see how you could do that.

Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's easy. He's got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.

And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.

That's amazing, said Doug. What about me?

Oh. You went to West Virginia University.

How do you know? asked Doug.

I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

👍🏼

Did you hear a bunch of surgeons are at the comedy club?

It's open Mike night.

👍🏼

Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee

A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"

The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"

Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"

👍🏼

Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel's show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees?

In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.

👍🏼

Who invented the sucker punch?

Mike Dyson

👍🏼

How does Mike Tyson track Will Smith in the snow?

He looks for fresh prints.

👍🏼

John Wayne

It was a slow day for Mike. He was hunched over the counter doing the crossword in newspaper to pass time as he waited for customers to visit his shop.

The door opened and the bell rang, in walks his good friend Johnny.

"Hey there Johnny! How ya doin'? What can I get you, buddy?"
"Hey Mike, doing good. Just a little short of money this month and we're all out of toilet paper."

"Gee, that's too bad Johnny. Tell ya what. I've got a delivery of a shipment of unbranded toilet paper. You try them out, if you can come up with a name for them there'll be no charge. How about that?"

"Thanks Mike, you really came through for me. I won't forget this!"

They bid their farewells, Johnny leaves and Mike carries on with the crossword.

A few days later Johnny visits the shop again.

"Hey Johnny how's life treating you? Did you manage to think of a name for the toilet paper?"

"I sure did Mike. You should name it after John Wayne, because it's rough, tough and don't take no shit from nobody!"

👍🏼

Why doesn't Mike Tyson play the Playstation?

Because he's an Xboxer.

👍🏼

Mike Tyson fires a nuke at his maths teacher.

It was a weapon of math destruction.
I'm so sorry.

👍🏼

Mike wazowski opens up a tattoo shop

Called Monsters Ink

👍🏼

Mike and David are stranded in the desert...

Mike and David are stranded in the desert. They've been walking for ages without food or even a sip of water. All of a sudden in the baron wasteland they find a mosque. David and mike agree that it is their best bet to go to the mosque because there'll be food and shelter. On the way to the mosque mike says "David, let's pretend to be Muslims they'll treat us a lot better. If they ask what my name is I'm gonna say Mohammed". David disagrees and thinks this is a stupid idea. Eventually they get to the mosque and the gates open. They enter inside and immediately the men inside ask their names.
"My names David".
"Come inside David we have food and water for you. What's your name sir"?
"My name is Mohammed".
"Ah come in Mohammed let's pray, fast opens in 6 hours"

👍🏼

What is Mike Tyson's favorite thing for a woman to wear?

Thort thorts.

👍🏼

Did you hear the one about Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, George Foreman and Floyd Mayweather Jr in queue at the bank?

Punchline

👍🏼

Who's a better boxer, Jim Jones or Mike Tyson?

Jim Jones, he knocked out over 900 people with just one punch

👍🏼

Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino was indicted on tax charges today

The Situation does not look good legally.

👍🏼

Who's the most famous chair tester?

Mike Easter

👍🏼

Today on greatest hits

Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali.

👍🏼

Three Brothers

My friend Mike and his two brothers Luke and Bill aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. Just yesterday afternoon they found themselves stuck at Walmart because they locked the damn keys in the truck. Of course Mike and Luke spent the better part of an hour bickering over whether they should run back into the store and grab a coat hanger or to just call for a locksmith.

Finally Bill spoke up and said, "We better think of something quick because it looks like rain and the sunroof is open."

👍🏼

What are some of your good 'fake names'

Looking for some good joke names like:

Mike Hunt
Dixie Normous
Ivana fukalot
ect

👍🏼

Apparantly part of a Hong Kong politician's ear was bit off.

I'm glad Mike Tyson is giving his all to these protests

👍🏼

My manger said I need some micromanaging.

He doesn't even look remotely like Mike Rowe.

👍🏼

Fee Fie Foe Fum

What is Fee Fie Foe Fum Fum Foe Fie Fee?


Mike Tyson's inmate number.

👍🏼

What did Mike Tyson call the groom with cold feet?

A Puthy

👍🏼

What do Mike Jones and an owl have in common?

Who?

👍🏼

Three guys walk into an exotic bar...

Three guys- Sam, Jim, and Mike- walk into an exotic bar and see something strange. Every single person in the bar is standing in four separate lines. The three guys approach the bar and asks the bartender what is going on. "If you want to get served, ya gotta get in a line. What do you boys want?"


"I'll have a beer", Sam said and the bartender pointed to the beer line.


"I'll have some bourbon", Jim said and the bartender pointed to the whiskey line.


"I'm not drinking tonight, so do you have any fruit punch?" asked Mike. The bartender stares blankly then signals over his bouncer.


"Hey Bobby, kick this man out!"


"Woah, woah, what did I do wrong?" cried Mike.


"There is no punchline!"

👍🏼

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's opinion on ears?

He had some biting commentary on the matter.

👍🏼

Uncle Mike the roofer

My Uncle mike is a roofer. I got him to do some work on my house. After he finished I asked him "how much do I owe you?"

He said, "The gutters are gonna be a couple hundred, but since we are family, the shingles are on the house."

👍🏼

Ethereal

A breakfast suggestion from Mike Tyson

👍🏼

Mike eats all day, that's all he does

I guess he's living life to the fullest

👍🏼

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

👍🏼

Me to my friend

Me : Dude I saw your girlfriend sucking Mike.

Friend: Who's Mike?

Me: Mike-ock

👍🏼

Constructionworkers and beer

John, Ed and Mike are working construction, day in and day out.
After a few years of working together, they consider them selfes close friend. But a dreaded day comes when Ed dies at the site.
John and Mike have to decide who of them will inform Ed's wife.


They flip a coin and John ends up being the one to break the news. He goes off to the wife and Mike waits for him at the bar.
An hour later John returns with a case of beer.

"What the hell happend, John? You were supposed to break the news to the wife and you go off and get beer?"

"Dude let me explain: So I arrive at their house right and I see a women working in the yard. I walk up to her and ask her is she is married to the late Ed Sullivan. She says: "I am married to Ed Sullivan, but its not the 'late'." So I tell:"Wanna bet for a case of beer?""

👍🏼

Where does Mike Ditka buy his jewelry?

De Beers

👍🏼

CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best mike jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about mike. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty mike gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these mike jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

Can I save Mike jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Thumbs up your favorite jokes so we can rank them by how many likes every joke has. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Mike joke? You are free to share every Mike joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

JokoJokes