Mike Jokes
172 mike jokes and hilarious mike puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mike that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Unlock the best Mike jokes with Pat and Mike, Magic Mike, Prison Mike and more! Enjoy the hilarity brought to you by Jeff, Brian and Mike Myers as you laugh until your sides hurt!
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- Short Mike Jokes
- Mike One Liners
- Mike Tyson Jokes
- Mike Pence Jokes
- Mike Rowe Jokes
- Magic Mike Jokes
- More Mike Jokes
Funniest Mike Short Jokes
Short mike jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mike humour may include short mick jokes also.
- Neil Degrasse Tyson and mike tyson have something common... I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.
- Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better." Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet." - Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?
- Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"
- Two drunk friends were talking in a bar. Men 1: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.
Man 2: Since when was Mike your best friend?
Man 1: Since yesterday. - Guy: Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Mike. Guy 2: And since when is Mike your best friend?
Guy: Yesterday. - Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
- John: "Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend Mike." James: "Since when is Mike your best friend?"
John: "Since yesterday." - Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate - What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money ... but doesn't understand maths.
- Mike Birbiglia
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Mike One Liners
Which mike one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mike? I can suggest the ones about matt and michael jordan.
- What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?? You gonna eat that?
- What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed Up
- Everyone was excited at the autopsy club... It was open Mike night.
- Mike Tyson is SO religious That he punches people in the faith.
- What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout? They're both Thor.
- Autopsy club tonight at 8pm It's open Mike night
- What do you call Mike Tyson without any arms? Whatever you want
- I'm really excited about the new autopsy club I just joined. Tuesday is Open Mike night.
- Autopsy club meeting Saturday! Its open Mike night.
- What does Mike Tyson use to chat with the Pope? Faithtime
- I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson Dude hit me right in the faith.
- Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church? He was invited to thunday math.
- What did Mike Tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad? That's methed-up!
- I don't normally go out, but Open Mike Night sounded fun. Then we got to the morgue.
- Why couldn't Mike Tyson go to the laundromat? Because it was clothed.
Mike Tyson Jokes
Here is a list of funny mike tyson jokes and even better mike tyson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Mike Tyson say when I showed him my mold collection? Growth.
- Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon? He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.
- What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day? He gets thor arms!
- What does Mike Tyson, after he's finished baking, have in common with Walter White? A methy kitchen.
- What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers? I'm Thor.
- I met Mike Tyson and he had his tiger with him. I said, "Wow! I can't believe you actually have a tiger! I thought that was a myth." He said, "Well you were mythtaken."
- Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson computer? It has two bytes and no memory
- How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism? Withkey.
- Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation ? Because he is an x-boxer
- What did Mike Tyson say when he saw mold? That's growth.
Mike Pence Jokes
Here is a list of funny mike pence jokes and even better mike pence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem? He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
- Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawer? Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.
- Where is the best place to hide from Mike Pence, The closet.
- So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email. Alternative Fax
- Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables
- What's Mike Pence's favourite Olympic sport? Trap shooting.
- A buzzfeed journalist whispers something to Mike Pence at a press conference ...what happens next will shock you.
- What's Mike Pence's Favorite Band? AC/DC
- Mike Pence is Emperor Palpatine Both are old men, heads of the Senate, and like to shock people.
- Today I learned Mike Pence is going to push to administer electro-zap "therapy" to the gay community. As a gay republican who voted for Trump, this came as a huge shock.
Mike Rowe Jokes
Here is a list of funny mike rowe jokes and even better mike rowe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the producer of Dirty Jobs get fired? He was a Mike Rowe manager.
- Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel's show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees? In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.
- I designed a game where you play as Mike Rowe going shopping. But it didn't sell very well because of all the Mike Rowe transactions.
- I shrunk my pet bird and made him watch Dirty Jobs I made my crow watch Mike Rowe while micro.
- What do you call it when someone is angry on a dirty job? A Mike Rowe aggression.
- My manger said I need some micromanaging. He doesn't even look remotely like Mike Rowe.
- How does Mike Rowe cook his dinner? He waves.
[Mike Rowe waves](#spoiler) - Who is the smallest TV show host? *Mike Rowe*
- What do you call a paycheck from a dirty job? A Mike Rowe transaction.
- What is it called when the Dirty Jobs Host checks out at a grocery store? Mike Rowe Transaction
Magic Mike Jokes
Here is a list of funny magic mike jokes and even better magic mike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've only seen Magic Mike, can I see Magic Mike XXL... ...or do I need to see the other 28 in between first?
- Mom asked, "Are you going to see the new Michael Moore documentary?" Wife replied, "Magic Mike XXL?"
- Did you know that Channing Tatum almost walked off the set of Magic Mike 2? Luckily, he decided to stick it out for a little bit longer.
- My local AMC is closed due to flooding. Apparently only the theaters showing Magic Mike XXL were affected.
- What happens in thr end of magic mike? You become gay.
- Channing Tatum's next movie... Magic Mike - Big & Tall
- What did Magic Mike's lover say during s**...? I've got the magic in me
- **GUARDA ~ Magic Mike XXL Streaming ITA Gratis
Heartwarming Mike Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about mike you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean michael jackson jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mike pranks.
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally n**.... Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're n**...!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're n**...!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing"...
A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing...
'He's like a fish out of water.'
'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?'
'No, I mean he's dead.'
-Mike Close-
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her p**... and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !
Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your p**....'
Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-a**... attitude, you never will.'
What do "Jingle Bells" sung by Mike Tyson and a green and red g-string have in common?
They're both Christmith Thongs.
Mike goes to a law consultant.
He asks: So how much do you charge per question?
consultant: 150€.
Mike: Isn't it too expensive?
Consultant: Yes it is. So whats your third question?.
Why doesn't Mike Tyson play the Playstation?
Because he's an Xboxer.
Two Men in a Country Club...
Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."
what do Mike Tyson and outdoor patios have in common?
They're both roofless.
Did you hear a bunch of surgeons are at the comedy club?
It's open Mike night.
Did you hear the one about Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, George Foreman and floyd mayweather Jr in queue at the bank?
Punchline
Who invented the s**... punch?
Mike Dyson
Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee
A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"
The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"
Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"
What is Mike Tyson's favorite mouthwash?
lisperine
My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow.
thanks, Mike!
Mike Tyson and the son of Odin got into a fight.
They're both thore today.
A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.
"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"
Open Mike Night sounded like a lot of fun...
... Until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy
People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms and no legs?
Anything you want.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on a plane...
Suddenly Mike Pence says "I can throw 100 dollars out of the plane and make 100 people happy".
Donald says "I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy".
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
Mike Tyson had something to tell me...
So I lent him an ear.
What did Mike Wazowski call his tattoo parlor?
Monster's Ink.
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
Two retired business men sitting on a beach.
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.
The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.
What is Mike Tyson's favorite type of math?
Mathturbating.
Why did Mike Tyson cross the road?
To get to the other thide
Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...
His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."
Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"
Why could no one believe in Mike Tyson's new boat?
Because it was unthinkable
Two couples are getting bored with their s**... lives, so they decide to swap partners
After a night of wild passionate s**..., Mike wakes up, rolls over, kisses his new lover, and says, "Last night was absolutely mind-blowing! Come on. Let's go see how the ladies made out."
*mikedrop
Where do DJ's go for information?
They go to Wiki-wiki-wikipedia.
Y'all hear that Reese whatever her name is stabbed herself?
Dave: Witherspoon?
Mike: Nah, with a knife.
Former champion Mike Tyson is opening a m**... farm...
Now everyone can say they took a hit from Tyson!
Mike joins a new school.
After school is over he returns home to his mother.
Mom: So Mike, how was your day today?
Mike: It was great! We learned about explosive materials in our lab today.
Mom: That sounds interesting, so what will you learn in school tomorrow?
Mike: What school?
Mike Tyson recently recovered from a m**... overdose and was interviewed upon his exit from the hospital.
When asked about the full story, he responded with,
"I was really methed up at the time"
Those people who are against gay marriage and say...
''In Genesis it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'', are so narrow minded..
Everyone knows that in Genesis it was Phil Collins, Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford..
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
Its unfortunate that Avicii died but
At least Mike Posner can pop pills in ibiza and not have to worry about impressing anyone.
A man walks up to the information desk at a mall and says, I seem to have lost my kids. Can I make an announcement on the PA system?
Mall guy: Oh sure.
Man, grabbing the mike: I'm vegan.
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
How does Mike Tyson like his bath?
Grilled.
What do you call Mike Tyson on amphetamines?
Methed Up.
Mike Tyson: How do you think the unthinkable?
Mike Tyson: With an itheberg.
Everyone was excited
Everyone was excited at Autopsy Club.
Apparently, it was open Mike night.
Mike Pence walks into the doctor's office with a fly on his head
The doc asks: What the h**... happened to you?
The fly says: I think, I stepped into something.
How do you think the unthinkable ?
With an itheberg.
Btw.. every single person i've ever told this joke to said they didn't get it or that it wasn't funny.. why am I the w**... that finds it funny? And why am I picturing Mike Tyson?
Obv not my joke I heard it on Come Dine With Me
If your name is Mike please let me know below
*edit, this concludes the Mike check.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump: We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we'd have less cases.
Pence: Fewer.
Trump: Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.
Dr. Mike had s**... with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Mike."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
What's wrong with you Mike, you're a veterinarian.
