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Midwife Jokes

68 midwife jokes and hilarious midwife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about midwife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Midwife Short Jokes

Short midwife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The midwife humour may include short nurse jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend says she can't cope with delivering any more babies. I think it's just a midwife crisis.
  2. My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes... Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.
  3. Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth? That would be a midwife crisis
  4. My wife couldn't find anyone to help her with a natural child birth. She was having a midwife crisis.
  5. What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses? They have a mid-wife crisis.
  6. What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife? A midwife crisis.
  7. The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice. I think she was going through a midwife crisis.
    ...
  8. The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town I guess she was having a midwife crisis
  9. This is 40 Questioning her career choices, a 40-year old health care worker who treated pregnant women bough a bright red convertible and skipped town. She was having a midwife crisis.
  10. What do you call it when your giving birth but there is no one there to help. Mid-wife crisis

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Midwife One Liners

Which midwife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with midwife? I can suggest the ones about gynecologist and obstetrician.

  1. I'm not the best midwife I need to work on the delivery a bit
  2. Mid-wife for sale, can deliver.
  3. I can't find anyone to help me deliver my baby. I'm having a midwife crisis.
  4. What do you call complications during chidbirth A midwife crisis.
  5. Why did the birthing coach buy a red Corvette? She was having a midwife crisis.
  6. Mary had a little lamb... and the midwife passed out.
  7. What do you call it if a midwife doesn't show up? A midwife crisis!
    I'll leave now.
  8. Mary had a little lamb And the midwife fainted
  9. Midwife for sale. Can Deliver.
  10. Why do most obstetricians quit when they're 45? Because they have a midwife crisis.
  11. What do you call a really tall midwife? A Doula Oblongata!
  12. What do you call a friendly Mancunian midwife? Ultra sound
  13. Being a midwife must be a tough job... every day is a midwife crisis.
  14. I hate the beginning and I hate the end So that's why I became a midwife.
  15. Have a Midwife for sale Can deliver..

Midwife joke, Have a Midwife for sale

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about midwife can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of midwife puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly & Ridiculous Midwife Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about midwife you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean female doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make midwife prank.

A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother

" wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?"
The new mother replied " I don't know, he wore a hat"

What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

A midwife crisis.

What does a nurse who delivers babies call her problem.

A midwife crisis

What did the 40 year old pregnant lady say when her husband asked her "why are you so upset"

"I'm having a midwife crisis"

My favourite joke ever

So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian man were all in the maternity ward of a hospital ready to collect their babies.

When a midwife comes over to them and explains, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but there's been a mix-up with the babies and we no longer know whose is whose."
The Englishman immediately goes over to the brown baby and picks it up.
The midwife asks, "are you sure that's your baby, sir?"
"No" says the Englishman, "but there's no way I'm going home with a french one!"

my second of 3 wives just went bankrupt.

You could say she's in a midwife crisis

A woman asks a man what his job is

The man tells her that he empties dishwashers for a living
"So you're like a maid?" The woman asks
"No" says the man "I'm a midwife"

On the day I was born, my mom went into labor, but the assistant was nowhere to be found.

She had a midwife crisis.

What do you call it when a woman in her 40s suddenly decides to deliver babies for a living?

A Midwife Crisis

Right after the Baby was born, the Midwife asked me:

"Do you have a name yet?"
I said "Yes, it's Eli"
She said "Aww... That's a lovely name!"
"Thank you!" I said "-But what do you think we should call the baby?"

My wife hired this nice older woman to help deliver our baby at home, but she showed up to the house in a convertible and with dyed hair.

I think she's going through a midwife crisis.

What do you call it when your birthing coach won't come to help you deliver your baby?

A mid-wife crisis

Why is Hercules the most suitable midwife out of all the demigods?

Because he's already been through 12 labours!

What do you call a 40-year old unemployed nurse?

A midwife crisis.

What's it called when the person delivering your baby suddenly becomes squeamish and can no longer fulfill his/her duties?

A midwife crisis

The hospital were desperate they couldn't find anyone to help deliver a lady's baby!

...They we're having a midwife crisis.

I've been married three times. The second marrige was very turbulent and ended in total chaos.

It was a bad case of mid-wife crisis.

Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....

What do you call a sadistic midwife about to perform an episiotomy?

Entertaint

Did you hear about the amazon delivery guy who trained to be a midwife?

At his first home delivery he chucked the baby over the back gate.

I recently quit working as a midwife to become a comedian...

Turns out my skillset is pretty transferable.
It's all in the delivery.

Offensive warning

An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man are waiting at a hospital as their wives had just given birth. A midwife comes in and explains that the name tags have been messed up and they will have to work out which baby belongs to who. The English man, by right, goes first and chooses what is clearly the Pakistani child. When the baby's father points this out to him, he says I know, but there's a Welsh kid in there and I'm not taking any chances

I once spoke to a midwife about the miracle of birth

She said "Have you ever witnessed something as majestic as a human birth? It's wonderful!"
I said "I was at a birth once"
"Oh? How was it?" she quizzed me.
I said "first it was very very black, then all of a sudden very light"

A cannibal was halfway through eating a woman before he started freaking out.

He was having a mid-wife crisis.

I'm worried that our baby is going to be delivered breech...

...the midwife says we should get a heads up if that is happening.

I got lucky in a bar

I got lucky in a bar and ended up taking a nurse home last night for s**....
As I stripped off in front of her I said, you must have seen a few d**... where you work - how does mine rate?
It's slightly bigger than most I see she said.
Thanks I replied feeling quite pleased with myself, where do you work exactly?
I'm a midwife.

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

Midwife joke, This is 40

jokes about midwife

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these midwife jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.