We stopped at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The people looked like they hadn't slept in a year and had eaten meth for a week from their missing teeth and saggy cheeks.
**Me:** Jesus, these people look like zombies
**Gramps:** Yeah and they're probably starving from the lack of brains in this fucking town.
State officials in Ohio are trying to pass legislation to change the name of the town, Mechanicsburg, to Engagement. When asked why, one official commented that it made clear sense because the town is halfway between Dayton and Marion.
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
The store clerk replies: sorry Sir, I'm going to have to see some paperwork for that penicillin.
After several weeks of no women and being far from the nearest town, the guy was getting horny. He asked the rancher if there was anything he could recommend. The rancher said, "I have a horse in the barn." The guy responds, "Thanks, but no."
After a few more weeks, the guy is even worse, and asks the rancher if any women ever stop by. The rancher says, "No - but there's still that horse in the barn." The guy again declines and walks away.
Finally a few weeks later, the guy can't take it anymore. He asks the rancher if the horse is still available, and the rancher says, "Sure - go ahead."
The guy goes to the barn, finds a step stool to reach the horse's butthole, and screws the hell out of it. He's walking back to his bunk and runs into the rancher, who says, "Why are you back so early?"
The guy says, "What do you mean? I screwed that horse for a full 45 minutes!"
The rancher says, "You screwed the horse? Usually the ranch hands ride it to Miss Nelly's whorehouse in town."
This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.
Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work..
Someone's losing their trailer
A business man was flying back to Boston to attend a convention after having lived in the mid-west for a number of years. He was very much looking forward to having some fresh local seafood. On the way to his hotel in a taxi, he thought that since he had been away for so long that he'd have to ask the driver for a good restaurant recommendation.
"Hey buddy, where's a good place to get scrod around here?", he asked. The driver looked into the rear view mirror and replied, "I've heard it asked a lot of ways before, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."
Minnepop.
Twister
Minnesotas!
Because their diet is very corny and cheesy.
We are snowd en.
She became Mitch- again.
It's their work schedule. Four weeks in the spring and four weeks in the Fall.
Anywhere you find four Germans, you're sure to find a fifth!
Opes and dreams
They both want to make it rain.
...Day becomes night. White becomes Black. And the midwest becomes a travel destination
The bartender says, You better thank me for my service.
They have the highest Pb : jelly ratio in the midwest!
Dip it in ranch.
Pops
OOP
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Midwest? Well, here are the best Midwest dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Midwest pick up lines to share with friends.