Midlife Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?

They were having a mid-life crisis.


Why was the baby in Africa crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

Why did the antivaxxers 3 year old cry

He was having a midlife crisis

Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday?

They hit a midlife crisis

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 5 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

Why was Kurt Cobain depressed at 13?

Midlife Crisis.

Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum."

They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"

Why was 1 year old African baby crying?

It was having a midlife crisis

Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why was the 2 month old African baby crying?

It was having its mid-life crisis.

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

What did Kurt Kobain have such a terrible time in 7th grade?

He was having a mid-life crisis.

Why does an Ethiopian baby cry

It's having a midlife crisis

Why was Kurt Cobain so depressed at age 13?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why was the 3 year old African child crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis.

What's wrong with that 5 year old Ethiopian?

He's having a mid-life crisis

Excuse for speeding

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.

The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."

So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

Why was the 1 Year old african boy crying?

He was having a midlife crisis

Why are ethiopian children always crying?

Midlife crisis.

Why was the 1 year old Ethiopian boy crying?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why wouldn't the four month old African stop crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis

Philosophy 112, or the joke that I just told in a dream and have to write down for posterity

Take this guy, Bob. He's coming into his early 40s, and goes into a midlife crisis. He tells his wife he wants to go back to school and study all the stuff he never got to when he was working so hard as a kid. She's fully supportive, feeling there are worse things he could be doing in this phase of his life, and they get him enrolled at a local university.

Bob starts taking random bullshit classes. His first semester he takes Archaeology 101, Sociology 102, and his favorite, Philosophy 112: History of early modern philosophy. He starts learning about all the great thinkers who laid the groundwork for all of our thinking today, and he just falls in love with it. Doesn't care he's surrounded by 18 year olds for six hours a week, he just dives right in.

One day, his buddy Jim calls him up to talk. Jim's also going through a midlife crisis. He's doing a much more destructive path, however. He calls Bob up and tells him he knows of an excellent escort service. He says they should take a "business trip," have a little fun, the wife doesn't need to know.

Bob thinks about it, and says, "No, I've got a huge philosophy paper due in a couple days and I should work on that."

Jim looks at him like he's insane, calls him a prude, and storms away. But Bob is confident.

Bob knows that sometimes, it's good to put Descartes before the whores.

What do you call a 1-year-old Nigerian kid crying?

Mid-Life Crisis

Why are 8 year old African children always so depressed?

Mid-life crisis

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis and takes night classes to become a mechanic...

She's really nervous the night of the final, so she studies real hard and hopes for the best.

When the grades are posted, she freaks out because her grade says 150% and she assumes it was an error, so she goes to see the instructor.

He explains it's no error.

"You took apart the engine perfectly, every nut, every bolt. You pulled it all apart without breaking anything. That got you 50%
Then you put it all back together perfectly. It actually ran better than before you started, so I gave you 50% for that.
You got a bonus 50% for doing it all through the muffler."

Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

He had a midlife crisis.

Banker has mid-life crisis and decides to go hunting

After work one day he decides to go hunting to prove his manhood. He drives down the highway and sees a sign "Bear Hunting Season Now Open". Decides bear hunting is the manliest of hunting. Drives into a hunting store and buys a shotgun. Runs into the forest and starts looking for a bear. Spots a bear, aims his shotgun and shoots. Runs up to see his manly kill but nothing there. TAP TAP on shoulder and the bear is standing there and says: you got 2 options, 1 I kill you or 2 you let me fuck you bear style. Guy looks at the bear and says: fuck, shit, come on...ok #2. Bear unleashes a major ass fucking. Guy crawls back to hunting store and says I need a bigger gun. He buys a 10gauge elephant killer gun and runs in to the forest. Sees the bear, aims and shoots. Runs to check and TAP TAP. He turns and bear looks at him and says: you got 2 options, 1 I kill you or 2 you let me fuck you bear style. Guy looks at the bear and says: fuck, shit, not again...ok #2. Bear unleashes a major ass fucking. Guy crawls back to hunting store and says I need a bigger gun and buys the rocket launcher. Runs back to the forest, spots the bear, aims and shoots. Runs to see and TAP, TAP. Guy turns to see the bear and the bear says: Be honest, you didn't come for the hunting

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

Why was the anti vaxxers two year old crying?

Because he was having a mid-life crisis

What's the roughest part about being a 7-year-old in Liberia?

The mid-life crisis.

I feel really bad for kids in third world countries...

They have to go through puberty and their mid-life crisis at the same time.

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis.

Why was the one y.o. Ethiopian child crying?

Because he was having his mid-life crisis.

What do you call an anti-vaxer's child's terrible twos?

A midlife crisis

Why was the 10-year old Ethiopian upset?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why did the African child have a mental breakdown at age 8?

He was having his midlife crisis.

Why does the 2 year old child of the anti-vaccine parents cry?

Midlife crisis.

Parents: our baby won't stop crying!

Doctor: how old is he?

Parents:one

Doctor:is he vaccinated?

Parents:no, why?

Doctor:I'm afraid he's having a midlife crisis...

Why was the Ethiopian child crying?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Why do Nigerian babies cry?

Midlife crisis

Why did the 3 year old have a midlife crisis?

Because he wasn't vaccinated.

Why did the unvaccinated one year-old try to buy a Corvette?

Don't we all do that during a midlife crisis?

Why was the 1 year old African kid depressed?

He was facing a mid-life crisis

What's it called when a 12 year old African boy that's crying?

A mid-life crisis

What does an Ethiopian 5 year old have that you probably don't?

A midlife crisis.

Why was the un-vaccinated 3 year old crying?

He was having a midlife crisis!

Was at my neighbors house, and their 2 year old unvaccinated child would not stop crying.

Must have been a midlife crisis.

What do you call the "terrible twos" in unvaccinated children?

A midlife crisis.

My midlife crisis started today...

I met the greatest girl at work, and she was into me, too. When we got off of work I took her to the park, we got carryout and went back to my place, and we were having a blast watching Netflix together.

When it finally came time for her to go she just lay there on my bed, obviously wanting to stay the night. So we had the greatest sex if my life and then she spent the night.

I drove her to work the next morning and when I saw the police outside waiting for me I realized that my career choices had been poor up until now. Maybe being a mortician isn't really for me.

Why did the twenty year old anti-vaxxer freak out?

She was having a midlife crisis

A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.

I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"

She said "6"

I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"

She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."

"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."

Why was the anti-vaxers baby crying.

It was having a mid-life crisis.

You never know when half of your life will pass

So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday

Did y'all hear about the Anti-vax kid who bought a Ferrari at the age of 2?

Yeah, it was his midlife crisis.

Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa?

Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.

The anti-vaxx couple could not understand why their 2-year old was crying

Everyone cries when they go through a mid-life crisis, duh.

I thought of an idea for a new reality TV show...

It's about a group of Middle Easter Islamic terrorists that are entering their 40s. They stop buying an excessive amount of guns and explosives and instead start purchasing luxery cars and motorcycles. I call the show Midlife ISIS.

Why was the three year old African kid crying?

Because he was having a mid-life crisis.

Why do African newborn babies cry?

They have a midlife crisis.

Did you hear about the 9 year old African boy?

He was going through a midlife crisis.

Why is the unvaccinated 2 year old crying?

Midlife Crisis

Why was the 5 year old African boy crying?

he was having midlife crisis

Why was the anti-vaxxers four year old crying?

Midlife crisis.

Sorry it's a repost from a while ago but it needs to be out here more.

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old crying?

Mid-life crisis.

What do call it when a toddler with antivax parents throws a temper tantrum?

A midlife crisis

Why was the anti-vaxxer's four-year-old crying?

Midlife crisis.

Why was the African infant crying?

Mid-life crisis.

What extremist group do middle aged people join?

Mid-life ISIS

What do you call it when you have midlife crisis and excessively drink red wine?

UB40

I went to the doctor

I went to my doctor and told him I want to take over the west and kill all the infidels.

He told me I was just having a midlife isis

Why was the 3 year old African kid sad?

He was facing a mid-life crisis

What are the funniest midlife jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Midlife? Well, here are the best Midlife puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Midlife pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes