Midge Jokes
83 midge jokes and hilarious midge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about midge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When it comes to Scottish midge jokes, no one did it better than Midge Hedberg. Read this article to explore the legendary comic's take on mayflies, skinny cows, and the cost of a comedy career.
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Funniest Midge Short Jokes
Short midge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The midge humour may include short mice jokes also.
- I had a game of scrabble with Midge Ure. I had four letters that meant nothing to me... O,V,N,R
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What funny jokes about midge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mosquito jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make midge pranks.
A midget once smoked a lot of w**......
He got medium.
Why should a midget not attempt to s**... a cow?
The steaks are just too high.
Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?
They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.
A midget fortune teller escaped from prison...
We got a small medium at large here, folks.
How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?
Mini-mom wage.
midget in the library
midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf
How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?
A little stiff.
Why was the midget upset after o**... on his back?
Because, as always in these situations, he came up a little short.
*I'll see myself out*
Have you seen the midget outside Walmart, that hides from gay people?
Of course you haven't.
Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?
He kept getting in everyone's hair.
A midget goes to the doctor
and exclaims "doctor! doctor! can you treat me??"
Doctor says: "yes, you just have to be a little patient."
The midget vampire woke up from his 100-year slumber
His first words were: "Huh... I'm a little stiff".
A midget walks into a library.
A midget walks into a library and gets the woman working at the desk's attention.
"Excuse me," he says. "I was just wondering if you had any books on irony?"
"We do," the librarian responded. "It's on the top shelf."
I'll tell you what I know about midgets...
Very little
Why don't midgets like barbecues?
because the steaks are too high.
A midget was escaping prison...
A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending".
Midget wrestling...
...seems like it would be a pretty short career.
A midget wearing a turban is walking down the street
He starts coughing violently and so someone asks if he is ok. He gets back and then says "I'm fine, I'm just a little Sikh."
Why do midgets wear short dresses?
So they can show off a little leg.
I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day
He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending
Where does the midget pizza chef with epilepsy work?
Little seizures
2 midgets and a black guy walk into a room, how many people are in that room?
1 and 3/5ths
Why do midgets make bad parents?
Cause they struggle to put food on the table
Two midgets are sitting around, bored...
When one of them pulls out some w**... and asks:
"Wanna get medium?"
A midget went to visit the doctors
There was a long wait and the nurse said "you're going to have to be a little patient"
Why did the midget get slapped?
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
Two midgets got married
They found their other half
When midgets celebrate 4/20...
Do they get high, or just get medium?
Midget scammer
So there was a midget scammer who was in a prison break. I watched him climb up and down the wall - it was a little condescending.
Why doesn't the midget have a girlfriend?
He set his expectations too HIGH!
Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
A midget fortune teller killed his clients and fled...
He is a small medium at large.
Why do midgets laugh while running through the yard?
Because the grass tickles their nuts...
I saw a midget in a k**... outfit today
I think he is a little racist.
A midget walked into a bar
I guess it was set too low.
A midget walks into a bookstore...
...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'
I just saw a midget get pickpocketed...
I still can't believe someone could stoop so low.
When midgets smoke w**......
...do they get high, or do they just get medium?
A midget and a man are on a bus
The two of them sit next to each other.
When the next stop comes, the midget falls off of the chair, so the man picks him back up.
Another stop comes, and the midget falls again, and again the man picks him up.
On the third stop he of course falls again and this time, the man says:
"Hold on when we get to a stop, you freaking midget!"
The midget replies:
"Can I please leave the bus? I was supposed to get off two stops ago."
A midget psychic broke out of prison.
Now there's a small medium at large.
When Midgets take drugs, they don't get high.
They get 'Medium'
Where do midget terrorists live?
Halfghanistan.
Two midgets got into an altercation.
Don't worry, it was a short fight.
What did the midget say to the gorgeous woman on a crowded elevator?
Your hair smells nice.
Midget priest
The new bishop is visiting local churches to meet the priests and introduce himself.
He walks in to see a midget priest.
Surprised he exclaims "wow you must be the only midget catholic priest in the whole faith, what's that like?"
The midget says "actually we prefer little people"
Bishop replies "Who doesn't"
Midget Discrimination
A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .
If a midget smokes p**......
...does he get high or medium?
Why was a midget depressed after taking a picture in front of a geyser?
Low selfie-steam
A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward.
There's a small medium at large.
What does a midget pope and my oldest underwear have in common?
They're both a little holy.
What did the midget say to the asian man?
Enjoy the little things
The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.
They must be short staffed.
Why don't you see more midget waiters?
They have to be paid under the table.
A midget walks into a bar.
He loses the limbo competition.
If a midget tells you that your hair smells nice,
is that s**... harassment?
How does a midget chef say hi from a distance?
He microwaves.
I just saw a midget escaping from prison by climbing down the wall! Half way down, he turned his head and grimaced at me.
I thought: That's a little condescending.
Midget quarterback
Sorry- that's a little offensive.
Two midget asians sit atop each other and get makeup to look Caucasian for a movie, the director says no because
two wongs don't make a white
Midgets are the best kind of people out there.
They're just way more down-to-earth than the rest of us.
What do a midget albino and a tiny bucket have in common?
They are both a little pale.
So a midget is waiting in a doctor's office....
So after a hours of waiting, the doctor arrives.
Doctor: Sorry I'm late.
Midget: it's okay, I'm a little patient.
A midget walks into the library and asks, "Have you got a book on Irony?"
The librarian says, "Yeah, mate, it's on the top shelf."
A midget fortune teller who kills his customers
is a small medium at large
What are midgets favorite s**... position?
34.5
If you are a midget and convicted felon on the run disguised as a psychic...
...you are a small medium at large.
How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
At least 2 but I'm not sure how they'll fit in there
A midget walks into a sporting goods store.
He then walks to the cashier and says "hey I am a little short any chance you could float me"
What does a midget with several natural skills have?
Talln't.
What did one midget cowboy say to the other midget cowboy?
This town's big enough for the two of us.
I saw a midget climbing over a prison wall
It was a little condescending
What do midget skaters and couples with children have in common?
Mini-Vans
What happens when midgets do w**...?
They get medium, they're to short to get high
Why did the midget decide not to open his own butcher shop?
Because, the steaks were too high!
A midget, a fat man, and an Asian walk into a bar...
...it's Kim jong un
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers and runs...
Is a small medium at large!!
Why do midgets laugh when running across the lawn?
The grass tickles their b**....
Midgets have been having a hard time during this virus,
they are struggling to put food on the table
A midget who went to prison for scamming people with his so-called psychic readings escaped.
Small medium at large.
why didn't the midget get the top shelf T Bone?
Because the steaks were to high...
What do midgets use to cut their pizza coupons?
Little Caesars
^^I'm ^^sorry
Why aren't midgets allowed at nudist festivals?
They keep getting their noses in everyones' business.
