Midge Jokes
83 midge jokes and hilarious midge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about midge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When it comes to Scottish midge jokes, no one did it better than Midge Hedberg. Read this article to explore the legendary comic's take on mayflies, skinny cows, and the cost of a comedy career.
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Funniest Midge Short Jokes
Short midge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The midge humour may include short mice jokes also.
- I had a game of scrabble with Midge Ure. I had four letters that meant nothing to me... O,V,N,R
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What funny jokes about midge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mosquito jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make midge pranks.
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Why should a midget not attempt to s**... a cow?
The steaks are just too high.
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How did the midget feel when he found out he was r**...?
A little Down.
How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?
Mini-mom wage.
How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?
A little stiff.
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Why was the midget upset after o**... on his back?
Because, as always in these situations, he came up a little short.
*I'll see myself out*
Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?
He kept getting in everyone's hair.
A midget goes to the doctor
and exclaims "doctor! doctor! can you treat me??"
Doctor says: "yes, you just have to be a little patient."
The midget vampire woke up from his 100-year slumber
His first words were: "Huh... I'm a little stiff".
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A midget, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar.
The priest shouts "Ow! My god forsaken head!" The rabbi shouts "Oi, my head!" The midget says "I don't know what you're complaining about. I just hit my head and I ain't crying as much as you."
A midget dressed up as a circuit board on Halloween night died
you could say he short-circuited
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I'll tell you what I know about midgets...
Very little
Why don't midgets like barbecues?
because the steaks are too high.
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A midget was escaping prison...
A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me.
I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending".
Midget wrestling...
...seems like it would be a pretty short career.
If a midget with down syndrome is a late to class, is it okay to call him a little tardy?
A midget wearing a turban is walking down the street
He starts coughing violently and so someone asks if he is ok. He gets back and then says "I'm fine, I'm just a little Sikh."
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Why do midgets wear short dresses?
So they can show off a little leg.
My midget coworker keeps trying to befriend me and I don't know what to do.
I've never been good with small talk.
Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?
Because they keep stepping on the string.
I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day
He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending
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Two midgets go into a bar...
Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget, however, is unable to get an e**.... His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of Here I come again … ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second midget asks the first, How did it go?
The first mutters, It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a e**....
The second midget shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? …. I couldn't even get on the bed!
Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?
He was mini cooped up for to long.
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Two midgets are sitting around, bored...
When one of them pulls out some w**... and asks:
"Wanna get medium?"
Why did the midget get slapped?
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
Two midgets got married
They found their other half
When midgets celebrate 4/20...
Do they get high, or just get medium?
What did the midget give her boyfriend after his concert?
A Standing Blow-vation.
What did the midget say hugging the blonde's leg?
Your hair smells nice
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Like a midget at a u**......
always stay on your toes
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Why doesn't the midget have a girlfriend?
He set his expectations too HIGH!
Why was the midget doctor always angry?
He had little patients
My midget friend has become obsessed with chess
He's a little fanatic
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Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
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A midget walks into a bar..
he`s wearing a T-shirt that reads "I hate all p**...`s"
I thought to myself...."that`s a little racist"
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I saw a midget in a k**... outfit today
I think he is a little racist.
A midget walks into a bookstore...
...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'
I just saw a midget get pickpocketed...
I still can't believe someone could stoop so low.
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How to get midgets to drink your beer.
Try setting the bar low.
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A midget and a man are on a bus
The two of them sit next to each other.
When the next stop comes, the midget falls off of the chair, so the man picks him back up.
Another stop comes, and the midget falls again, and again the man picks him up.
On the third stop he of course falls again and this time, the man says:
"Hold on when we get to a stop, you freaking midget!"
The midget replies:
"Can I please leave the bus? I was supposed to get off two stops ago."
A midget psychic broke out of prison.
Now there's a small medium at large.
Are midgets and other little people more succinct, conversationally?
The short answer is: yes.
Two midgets got into an altercation.
Don't worry, it was a short fight.
What did the midget say to the gorgeous woman on a crowded elevator?
Your hair smells nice.
Midget priest
The new bishop is visiting local churches to meet the priests and introduce himself.
He walks in to see a midget priest.
Surprised he exclaims "wow you must be the only midget catholic priest in the whole faith, what's that like?"
The midget says "actually we prefer little people"
Bishop replies "Who doesn't"
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Midget Discrimination
A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .
Midget Fortuneteller
Did you hear about the midget fortuneteller who killed his client.
His a small medium at large.
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Being a midget s**...
There are a lot of shortcomings
Why was a midget depressed after taking a picture in front of a geyser?
Low selfie-steam
A midget who claims to see dead people just escaped from a psychiatric ward.
There's a small medium at large.
What does a midget pope and my oldest underwear have in common?
They're both a little holy.
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How many midgets does it take to lift something with a crane?
As many you can use to make a long chain.
What's the best way to get to know a midget?
Small talk
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A midget fortune teller
A midget fortune teller was spotted killing a man and is now fleeing the scene, currently we have a small medium at large
What did the midget say to the asian man?
Enjoy the little things
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The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.
They must be short staffed.
What can you say about a midget who rides stunt bikes?
He's Wheely Tiny
What does a midget that gets bullied say?
I just want to belong.
Why did the midget wear a beach top?
Because it was a shore tee.
What does a midgets bathroom and a crunk playlist have in common?
A Lil John.
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Why don't you see more midget waiters?
They have to be paid under the table.
I went to the midget comedy fest in Hawaii
They called it the "Aloha"
Why are there no midget accountants?
Because they always come up a little short.
A midget told their friend about a childhood story
It started with When I was little
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If a midget tells you that your hair smells nice,
is that s**... harassment?
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I just saw a midget escaping from prison by climbing down the wall! Half way down, he turned his head and grimaced at me.
I thought: That's a little condescending.
Midget quarterback
Sorry- that's a little offensive.
Midgets are the best kind of people out there.
They're just way more down-to-earth than the rest of us.
A midget got elected mayor yet no one recalled voting for him.
He had friends in high places
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A midget fortune teller who kills his customers
is a small medium at large
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What are midgets favorite s**... position?
34.5
A midget walks into a sporting goods store.
He then walks to the cashier and says "hey I am a little short any chance you could float me"
What does a midget with several natural skills have?
Talln't.
What do midgets wear under their trousers?
Smalls
What did one midget cowboy say to the other midget cowboy?
This town's big enough for the two of us.
Two midgets
walk into a mini-bar.
I saw a midget climbing over a prison wall
It was a little condescending
What do midget skaters and couples with children have in common?
Mini-Vans
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A midget, a fat man, and an Asian walk into a bar...
...it's Kim jong un
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers and runs...
Is a small medium at large!!
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Why do midgets laugh when running across the lawn?
The grass tickles their b**....
Midgets have been having a hard time during this virus,
they are struggling to put food on the table
why didn't the midget get the top shelf T Bone?
Because the steaks were to high...
