Middle Jokes
189 middle jokes and hilarious middle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about middle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some humor to share with friends and family? Look no further than this collection of jokes about middle-aged topics from spots to midlife! Enjoy some laughs with these funny jokes about being a middle child, middle school math, the middle finger, and more.
Quick Jump To
- Short Middle Jokes
- Middle One Liners
- Middle East Jokes
- Middle Ages Jokes
- Middle Aged Jokes
- Middle Eastern Jokes
- Middle School Jokes
- More Middle Jokes
Funniest Middle Short Jokes
Short middle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The middle humour may include short medium jokes also.
- "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo. All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
- Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle. Coconut.
- Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago? I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
- My wife is so much better looking than me... ...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
Cr - Microsoft is working on software for self-driving vehicles. I can't wait until my car suddenly stops in the middle of the highway and reboots to install updates.
- Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared? 10 was in the middle of 9 11.
- You the bomb. No, you the bomb.
A compliment in America.
An argument in the Middle East. - Nowadays, you don't run into many guys named Lance. But in the Middle Ages, people used to be named Lancelot.
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Middle One Liners
Which middle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with middle? I can suggest the ones about medium size and half.
- Why was 10 traumatized? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
- Why was 10 scared? He was in the middle of 9-11
- How did 10 die? because it was in the middle of 9 11.
- How did 10 die? He was caught in the middle of 9/11
- snow isn't a problem in the Middle East ...but ISIS
- Why does 10 have PTSD? Because it was in the middle of 9 11.
- An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives? The flambuoyants.
- My friend didn't believe me that Slash was in AC/DC C'mon he is right there in the middle
- What did they call puberty in the middle ages? A midlife crisis
- What do dora The Explorer and Jack The Ripper have incommon Same middle name
- I'm in the middle of hanging myself. The suspense is killing me.
- Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
- I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep
- What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.
- Why was 10 afraid? Because it was in the middle of 9/11
Middle East Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle east jokes and even better middle east puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do you never see a flock of seagulls in the middle east? Because Iran's so far away
- Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.
- What did I see while on vacation in the Middle-East? I Saudi Arabian Desert.
- Why is there no walmarts in the middle east? Because there are targets on every single corner.
- What's the most popular pub in the Middle East? The Allahu ak-Bar
- What do you call cheap apartments in the Middle East? Low rents of Arabia.
- What do they call spiders in the Middle East? Iraqnids
- I told a good drone joke in arabic It went over american's heads, but it killed in the middle east
- What do you call a spider from the Middle East? an Iraqnid
- Why don't they celebrate New Year's Eve in the Middle East? Cause there's no one left when the clock hits zero
Middle Ages Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle ages jokes and even better middle ages puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the middle aged computer sad? He had a floppy disc.
- I met up with my internet friend yesterday. We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls.
- As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking Are you my tinder date?
- How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women? In degrees Karenheit.
- Why couldn't the AntiVaxxer's middle aged son read? He was 2.
- Olympic Sailing results are in! Denmark have taken gold
Finland have taken silver
Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise - Sometime in the Middle Ages Queen: come to bed
King: not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen: k night
King: babe ur a genius
(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter) - Middle-aged man looking for companion. If you're looking for honest relationship please call this number. If my wife answers, just hang-up
- Why were the Middle Ages called the dark ages? Knights for dayz
(My nearly 11 kid brother made this up, he's well on his way to being a dad ...) - What do you call a wicked doctor from the Middle Ages? Med evil!
Middle Aged Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle aged jokes and even better middle aged puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- [Original] This is the only time of year... .... that it's acceptable for middle-aged men to cruise around town looking for Girl Scouts.
- What does a barista, a stripper and a middle aged office worker have in common? When they return to work, they all say "Well, back to the grind."
- I heard Dreamworks next picture will be about ale drinking in the Middle Ages... It's called "How to Drain Your Flagon".
- You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police
- Trump didn't finish the wall He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project
- romantic comedy about middle aged people playing tennis 40-love
- Why don't unvaccinated kids care about the Middle Ages? Cause they'll never experience them.
- I am starting a club for middle aged women to gather and find younger men to take home and make love to in front of their husbands. I'll call it, the Coug Cucks Clan.
- What extremist group do middle aged people join? Mid-life ISIS
- I told my daughter I'd only treat her like a princess ...and that is why I married her off to a middle aged man she'd never met in order to secure an alliance with the French.
Middle Eastern Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle eastern jokes and even better middle eastern puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.
- I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market It was bazaar
- I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday I just felafel afterwards.
- I hate it when.. I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,
My white friend in snow,
My Chinese friend in sand,
And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes. - Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'... ...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.
- Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning... I falafel.
- I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".
- My Middle Eastern dad has learned English from watching infomercials. So when I would get in trouble as a kid and get punished, he would finish by saying "But wait, there's more!"
- I had too much Middle Eastern food today. Now I falafel.
- For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders... It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.
Middle School Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle school jokes and even better middle school puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground? I dunno, I just fly the drone.
- What do Mexican kids read in middle school? Tequila Mockingbird.
- What happens if you skip school in Middle-Earth? You shall not pass!
- A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal's office.
- You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school. ...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.
- I got A's in elementary school. I got C's in middle school. In high school, I got D's and boy did my grades improve.
- What's the difference between a middle school flute player and a dress maker Dress makers tuck up frills
- I just watched the movie 1917, and it reminded me of the lunch line in middle school.
- I felt a little behind in Middle School It was a major bummer when the cops found out :(
- My middle school chemistry teacher once told us... "Alcohol is not a solution, it's a distillation" \*smirks\*
Heartwarming Middle Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about middle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medium sized jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make middle pranks.
So a guy wakes up in the middle of an operation
He screams and says to the doctor "What are you doing, don't do that." The doctor says "Fine, suture self."
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
Mutual Agreement
In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so s**... and so beautiful all at the same time!"
The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me s**... so I would be attracted to you!"
A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.
Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...
Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.
A Man With Sticks in the Middle of Town.
A man is hitting two sticks together in the middle of a small town in suburban America.
Another man walks up and asks, "why are you hitting those sticks together?"
The first man replies, "I'm keeping the elephants away."
Confused, the other man says, "but there are no elephants around here!"
The man with the sticks calmly replies, "You're welcome."
100 camels
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.
Three guys in a bed....
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a h**...!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Apparently Muslims invented the c**....
As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable c**.... It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.
Three homeless guys got drunk and passed out side by side in an alley
In the morning the first guy wakes up and says "I dreamt someone was jerking me off last night!". The second guys says, "that's funny, me too!" The guy in the middle said, "Not me, I dreamt I was skiing."
My blonde girlfriend froze
In the middle of love making so I gave her an interrogative f**... expression. " oh..I saw this on youporn" she said," they call it bufferring".
An old russian joke I heard a long time ago
In the middle his night patrol, a police officer notices a guy walking around a wooden barrel. He steps out of his vehicle, approaches, and asks, "hey, comrade, are you drunk?"
The man responds: "No, God forbid, I am perfectly sober, comrade officer! Besides I am almost home, my house is right after this fence!"
A burglar entered my house
In the middle of the night so I asked him what he was doing. He said he was looking for money so I got up and searched with him :(
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?
American girls get s**... BEFORE they commit adultery.
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
What's in the middle of girls' legs?
Their knee.
Nerd joke.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
Three guys go on a ski trip...
...they arrive at the hotel only to find out that there is only one room available, and it has only one bed. They have a great day skiing and then go to sleep. The next day, they wake up. The guy on the left says "I had a dream that this beautiful woman was giving me the best h**... of my life!" The guy on the right says "I had the same dream!" The guy in the middle says "I had a dream I was skiing!"
Last week was National Middle Child Week!
Nobody noticed...
There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?
They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now?
What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.
Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and s**... education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don't want to wear out the camel.
Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread?
The middle yeast
Someone dropped their Scrabble in the middle of the road...
...that's the word on the street anyway.
I failed my chemistry lab exam.
I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.
3 men go on a trip.....
They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.
After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a h**... last night."
The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a h**... too! What a coincidence! "
The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for s**...?
can't wait to get out of prison.
My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard...
It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
A middle school boy comes home crying...
His dad asks, "What's wrong, son?" "A boy at school called me gay!" the son replied. The dad then says, "Well, if he does it again, you can punch him in the face." The boy then stated, "But he's cute!"
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.
After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.
In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided s**... was the only option.
I just need to talk her into it now.
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night
"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."
I don't watch the news anymore
I just lie to my self and cut out the middle man.
Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl...
Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl and says:
Sherlock, what are you doing? This girl looks like she's in middle school.
Sherlock: Elementary, dear Watson.
"I know what you have been s**... on"
My nephew has a habit of s**... his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that s**... their thumbs become fat.
At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been s**... on" in the middle of the store.
My first name is Greatest, last name Ever
Middle name "Mistake"
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
I'm in the middle of a long and messy divorce and I've decided that s**... is the only way out…
Now all I need to do is talk her into it…
Slash has always been in AC/DC...
...he is in the middle
The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..
They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It's not because they're worried about spies cracking the codes. It's just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can't tweet them out.
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
Weight losers
The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.
"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a s**... striptease for you."
Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."
What do Winnie the Pooh and Vlad the Impaler have in common?
Their middle name.
3 friends are sharing one bed in a motel room
As they're waking up in the morning, the friend on the left says, "Man, I had the best dream last night that I was getting a h**...!" The friend on the right says, "That's crazy! I had the exact same dream!" Then the friend in the middle says, "Really?! I had a dream I was skiing".
If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...
..you get baked.
...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.
Why is Stephen such a neutral name?
Because its pH is in the middle.
Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel
You might be too weak to lift your middle finger
A thief entered a house one mid-afternoon to find...
a couple in the middle of l**.... He t**... the woman and at gun-point asked the man to handover all their money and jewellery. The man started sobbing and said, "Brother, take anything you want. But please, untie the rope and let her go." The thief replied, "You must really love your wife, having no regard for your own safety." The man said, "No, she's my neighbour's wife. Mine will be back shortly!"
