Middle Finger Jokes
47 middle finger jokes and hilarious middle finger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about middle finger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a laugh, check out our collection of middle finger jokes. These jokes are sure to get a rise out of you!
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Funniest Middle Finger Short Jokes
Short middle finger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The middle finger humour may include short missing finger jokes also.
- Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel You might be too weak to lift your middle finger
- I was in Idaho last week, and found out what their state bird is. A middle finger to liberals.
- So a Roman walks into a bar... He makes a 'two' sign with his index and middle finger and says :
I'd like five beers please. - A programmer walked into a bar. He raised his middle finger and his thumb to the bartender and said "5 beers please".
- I kinda wish Twix came with three fingers instead of two... ...that way, if someone asks me for one, I can give them the middle finger.
- You know you are a bad driver when............. you see more middle fingers than a manicurist.
- I just failed driving exam The instructor said I failed at signals. I don't get it. I keep giving middle finger to the drivers honking at me.
- Some consider giving the middle finger to be a religious gesture It's a sign of the crossed.
- I'm playing serious Sam vr with my dad. Me: Remember you have a shield use it!
Dad: Where's the button for it?
Me: Where your middle finger naturally rests.
Dad: so in your mom. - My brother asked me how much I liked him I said "I'd show you, but I wasn't born with enough middle fingers".
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Middle Finger One Liners
Which middle finger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with middle finger? I can suggest the ones about finger thumb and broken finger.
- You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
- You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
- Old but gold What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the frog's middle finger - Dear Middle Finger, Thanks for always sticking up for me.
- Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have five fingers.
The middle one is for you. - What is something you can get for free in New York? Matches and middle fingers
- I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
- Why did the middle finger get mad at the thumb? We don't know. It just snapped.
- I'd like to thank my middle finger... For always sticking up for me.
- What did the proctologist give his wife for Valentine's Day The middle finger
- What do you Get if you mix Calcium, Florine, and a middle finger CaFᵤ
- JPP is a "oser" (holds middle, ring and pinky fingers to forehead).
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Middle Finger Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about middle finger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pointing finger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make middle finger pranks.
A construction worker calls his wife in the middle of the day.
Honey, I'm in the hospital, I lost a finger.
Oh my goodness, she exclaims, The whole finger? No, no. He replies, The one next to it.
A famous armorer was called to court...
…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!
I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...
The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout
The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive
The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous
The ring is the human because they were given the most rings
And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest
Roman Bois
Two romans went to a bar, one roman raised his index finger and middle finger to the waiter. When the waiter arrived with two beers, the two romans were mad and went out the bar. o**... told the waiter, "Boi, you are dumb."
A guy with two d**... goes to the doctor with his middle finger held in his fist.
When the doctor asks he replies, "because a bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush!"
Me: Want to go bird watching?
Friend: Sure!
Me: *flips both middle fingers in his direction*
Why should you always use your middle finger on a woman?
Because a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
An medical forensics professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.
Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's a**..., withdrew it, then licked his finger. Now you must do the same, he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's a**..., but licked my index finger?
A teacher took all her kids on an overnight camping field trip...
In the middle of the night, little Johnny comes into her tent and asks teacher, can I sleep with you? I'm scared... and at home my mother lets me sleep in her bed every night
Thinking it wouldn't hurt, the teacher said sure
Teacher said little Johnny when I sleep with my mother in bed, she lets me put my finger in her belly button and that relaxes me a lot
Thinking it's strange, the teacher reluctantly says sure
Then the teacher says hey, that's no my belly button!
That's not my finger says little Johnny
Dads favorite medical school joke.
Medical students were attending their 1st biochemistry class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a u**... sample. The professor dip his finger in u**... & tasted it in his own mouth. Then he asked the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in u**... sample & tasted it.... When everyone finished, the professor looked at them & said: The most important quality is 'Observation'. I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just learn, how to pay attention.
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf...
Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf.
First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground to part the seas. He walks into the middle of the now waterless lake and hits it onto the green. He sinks the ball with a birdie.
Next goes Jesus. Jesus puts his hands in prayer and then sets up to hit the ball. He makes contact and hits it onto the green. He puts it in for an eagle.
The old man grumbles and growls. He approaches the tee with his club in his off-hand. He takes a mighty swing and smacks the ball. The ball flies and lands on a lily-pad. It is then picked up by a frog. The frog in turn finds itself in the clutches of a falcon. The frog drops the ball and it bounces in for a hole-in-one.
At this point Moses leans towards Jesus and whisper, "I really hate playing with your old man."
Peanut
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
The Rabbi and the Devil
So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.
Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and women in attendance run screaming for their lives out of the synagogue, trailing their children behind them.
As pleased as the devil is with his grand appearance, he can't help but twist his head to look at the rabbi, who's calmly putting his things away for the night with a tired sigh.
"You," the devil says, pointing his spindly finger at him, "rabbi. Do you not know who I am?"
The rabbi only sighs and continues to clear up the place.
The devil steps closer to the man, scalding the floor with each step. "And yet you do not seem to be afraid, why is that?" he hisses, s**... his beard.
The rabbi shrugs. "Why should I be? I've been married to your sister these past forty-three years."
.
.
Credit/Source: video I watched on youtube a while ago. I've probably added/cut-out from the original, but that's the charm of Chinese whispers, no?
