Microphone Jokes
49 microphone jokes and hilarious microphone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about microphone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs? Check out our compilation of hilarious broken microphone, applause, boombox, and trance jokes! Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Microphone Short Jokes
Short microphone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The microphone humour may include short microscope jokes also.
- It wasn't easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning. He got some really bad feedback.
- There's this new cryptocurrency called Decibel. You just yell in your microphone to get money... It's a sound investment.
- I went shopping the other day for cherries and a new microphone. Bought a BING, bought a BOOM
- A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention... And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."
- Why did Kevin McCarthy go as a microphone for Halloween? Because he couldn't be a speaker.
- Rudy Gobert jokes about Coronavirus Rudy Gobert tested positive for coronavirus. This brought NBA to a halt. On Monday, he had joked about the virus by touching microphones.
- I just realized the sub's logo is a microphone. There's no joke. Just wanted to let you know.
- The first rule of singing in the bathroom! The toilet brush must never be used as a microphone
- Next time you have to test a microphone: "Ice, ice, icicle. Bice, bice, bicycle. Test, test, testing 1, 2, 3."
- Went to the store yesterday to buy a cherry and a microphone stand. Bought a Bing, bought a boom.
Share These Microphone Jokes With Friends
Microphone One Liners
Which microphone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with microphone? I can suggest the ones about microwave and open mic.
- Went shopping for cherries and microphones... bought a bing, bought a boom.
- Why would I not be good at testing microphones? Because I don't 1, 2.
- Do you know why you can't water indoor plants in Russia? Because it's bad for microphones
- God I hate hidden microphones They bug me so much!
- What do you call a black guy with an Afro? A microphone
- It's 1.2.12 today.. Good day to test a microphone.
- What happens when if you eat a microphone? You end up with a stomach bug.
- I tried beat boxing once, the microphone ' s reaction was shocking. Love you Mitch.
- remeber, no yeling into the microphone only artistic screeching
- If mic is short for microphone... Is bike short for bicrophone?
- My microphone exploded boom!
- Why don't Ethiopians buy microphones? Because no matter what, they'll still be a buzzing.
- Why shouldn't you eat a microphone? You'll end up with a stomach bug.
- If h**... made a Microphone company... ...it'd be called "The Third Mic".
Comical Microphone Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about microphone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean headphones jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make microphone pranks.
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
At a corporate party…
The director of HR stood up and said If anyone has any comments or anything they'd like to say please come up to the microphone
An employee stood up and walked over. He picked up the microphone and pointed it directly at the speakers. A loud obnoxious noise screeched out and filled the room. Everyone covered their ears as he held it there. He then turned it away and handed it back to the HR director. To which the HR director said…
Thank you for your feedback.
I feel bad for the hypnotist I saw yesterday
He hypnotized 7 guys then dropped the microphone on his foot and screamed:
F*c**... me
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
Useful Metric Equivalents
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipede = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
Edit - formatting
Ooooh it's ever so sad
At a boat rental company, the radio operator said into the microphone: "boat 99, your hour is up, please head in."
An employee walks up to him and says: "We only have 75 boats, sir there is no boat 99."
The radio operator says: "Boat 66, are you in trouble?"
A boy is making sure a microphone works for an open bar stand up night.
Aa boy, not much older than 12 or 13, comes up to the mic and says
"Ice, ice, icicle".
"Pop, pop, popsicle".
"Test," and the crowd stares in horror as the inevitable is going to happen.
"Test, testing one two three"
I went to a High School pep rally....
The principal had announced earlier that day that he would make an inspirational speech for us. At the rally, he walked up to the microphone for his speech. But, all he did was look at the crowd, smiled, and stepped down.
We were left speechless.
So I was on a plane when the pilot makes his announcement..
"We will be arriving at our destination in 3 hours..." But he forgot to turn off the microphone and says to his co-pilot "Ahhh, I could really do with a BJ and a coffee right now!". So a flight attendant runs to the front of the plane and as she ran past I then said "HEY! Don't forget the coffee!"
A healing priest is in the process of a miracle
Priest: Stand up!
(The man slowly stands up)
Priest: Now walk my child walk!!!
(The man slowly started walking and the crowd was shocked)
The priest then gave the microphone to the man.
Priest: Now what can you say upon this miracle of God!!??
Man: I still can't see
A doctor found a cure for muteness
Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.
He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.
He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He brings the man that has been cured to the microphone.
The cured man clears his t**... for the first time in ages, and states:
"Thank you all. I don't know what to say."
Hypnotist
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night at the show in Paris. He hypnotized 7 guys then tripped over the microphone and yelled "Baise moi"......What happened next will haunt me forever...
The Pilot
The pilot gave his normal address to the passengers, this is your captain speaking, we will be ascending to 30000 feet and the flight time is two hours. Unfortunately he forgot to turn off his microphone and he joked to his co pilot that what he would really enjoy was a cup of coffee and a b**.... A hostess rushed to the cockpit to alert the captain about the microphone. A nearby passenger quipped, he also wants a coffee.
After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...
"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.
"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."
Q: Why do men f**... louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
My sound tech walked in to hook up my microphones
We got to talking and I let him know I have a few friends who are also sound techs.
Really. Fascinating with feigned excitement.
Yeah. One of them is German.
Ok....
I have a Czech one, too. A Czech one, too.
What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?
Microphones!
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gives an opening speech at the Tokyo Olympics.
He walks up to the microphone. "O!" he says, which is followed by applause.
"O!" he says again, as an ovation.
"O!" he says again, and the audience stands up and cheers. Suddenly, an aide runs up to the podium.
"Prime Minister Abe," the aide whispers, "those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
