Mick Jokes
103 mick jokes and hilarious mick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest Mick Jokes ever made! Read about the best of Paddy and Mick Miller, Mandy Murphy, and more. Let the laughter begin!
Share These Mick Jokes With Friends
Uproarious Mick Jokes to Share with Friends
What is a good mick joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what did m**... jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together?
hey, hugh, get off of mccloud.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did m**... Jones say when he offended the Arabs
sorry I'm a foreigner
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**...'s 18th birthday
p**... had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when p**...'s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal m**..., took a boat out to the middle of the lake, p**..., stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
m**... just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, p**... went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him "
Granny looked deeply into p**...'s, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little Irish humor
p**... and m**... were walking along a street in London.
p**... looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".
p**... said to his pal, "m**... look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are p**..., I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said m**....
They go in and p**... said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised p**.... "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked m**... Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants.
But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
Mickey Mantle knew 2 things.
Mickey Mantle knew 2 things.
Drinking, and how to play drunk baseball.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.
The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish lawnmower
p**... was waiting at the bus stop with m**... when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.
I gonna do that when I win the lottery, says p**....
What's dat? says m**....
Send me lawn away to be cut, says p**....
edit;typing
Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't
Because Donald Duck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two friends join the SAS.
Two friends, Pat and m**..., are trying to join the SAS. After doing all the training their commanding officer in charge tells them, "Now you two must realise that you have to do anything your commanding officer says no question asked, so m**... go into that room there", so m**... walks in. The officer then says to Pat, "Do you think you could kill a friend Pat?", to which Pat replies, "oh no I love all my friends"
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY PAT!"
"Yes sir!" Pat exclaims.
The officer then says, "Do you think you could kill m**..., Pat?"
"Oh never sir m**... is like a brother to me I have kno..."
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!"
"Oh right, yes sir"
"Well then take this gun, and walk into that room, where you shall kill m**...", so Pat goes in and 5 minutes later he goes back to his commanding officer and he says, "I've done it sir"
"Well you'll be glad to know that gun was fake Pat and just call m**... back in"
Pat then replies, "I can't sir"
"Why?"
"I strangled him"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald ducked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Has A Broken Leg
p**... has a broken leg and his buddy m**... comes over to see him.
m**... says, "How you doin'?"
p**... says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
m**... goes upstairs and sees p**...'s gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.
He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
m**... shouts downstairs, "p**..., both of 'em?"
p**... shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of f**...' one?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mickey mouse is getting a divorce
Mickey mouse goes to a lawyer and says he wants a divorce. Lawyer says "unfortunately you can't divorce your wife cause she is crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"
What do you here when Mickey and Minnie are doing it?
Squeak, Squeak, Squeak
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and m**... are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder
p**... goes first and is asked, "If you lost an eye, what would you be?"
He answers, "Half blind."
Then he was asked, "What would you be if you lost both eyes?"
He answers, "Blind."...
Builder says, "Great, you got the job - send m**... in."
m**... over heard the interview and thinks, "Great, I'll just give the same answers."
The builder asks, "If you lost an ear, what would you be?"
m**... says, "Half blind."
Then was asked, "What about if you lost both ears?"
m**... says, "Blind."
The builder, a bit puzzled, asked, "How would that be?"
m**... says, "My hat would slip down!!..
Mickey Mouse hangs himself...
He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Mickey Mouse leave Minnie Mouse?
She was f**...' Goofy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... and w**... walk into a sub shop
One orders the Italian, the other orders a filthy stinking drunk.
Share These Mick Jokes With Friends
Mick One Liners
Which mick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mick? I can suggest the ones about midge and rick.
- What do you call a squad of IRA commandos? Seal Team Micks
- Why won't Dracula bite m**... Jagger? Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.
- Why doesn't m**... Jagger date British supermodels? A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
- The man who invented unisex Tennis has died. RIP m**... Stubbles
- Bad Mother m**..., do you think I'm a bad mother?
My name is Paul. - What's a rolling rolling stone? m**... Jagger in a wheelchair
- If m**... Jagger was Irish would he go by McJagger?
- m**... Jagger had to give up his Japanese garden. The rolling stone couldn't grow moss.
- I've heard the rumours of m**... Jagger's lips... They're Exjaggerated.
- What does m**... Fleetwood always order from McDonald's? A Fleetwood Mac.
- What do you call an Indian DJ? DJ m**... Singh
- m**... hucknall has been arrested for having s**... with a rabbit.
- What alcohol does The Rolling Stones drink? m**... Jäggermeister
- What black thing did six men constantly enter in the late 60s? m**... Jagger's Door
- What did m**... Jones say when he offended the Arabs sorry I'm a foreigner
