Mick Jokes

118 mick jokes and hilarious mick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest Mick Jokes ever made! Read about the best of Paddy and Mick Miller, Mandy Murphy, and more. Let the laughter begin!

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Funniest Mick Short Jokes

Short mick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mick humour may include short mike jokes also.

  1. A Irishman, m**... goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain... Doctor: "Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"
    m**... : "Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"
  2. What's the difference between m**... Jagger and a Scottish Highlander? m**... Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"
  3. What's the difference between m**... Jagger, and a Scottish farmer? m**... Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud'
    The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'
  4. m**... and p**... are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. m**... says," Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
    p**... says, "What's his name?"
    m**... replies, "Miles, from London."
  5. Did you hear m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were attacked by a giant magpie? Witnesses say one bird was trying to kill two Stones
  6. I asked m**... Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants. But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
  7. What's the difference between m**... Jagger and a Scotsman? m**... Jagger screams "Hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"
    A Scotsman screams "Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"
  8. What did m**... Jagger do when he found his cupboard was infested with moths? Nothing. A rolling stone gathers no moths.
  9. 19 Irishmen go to a cinema. Ticket lady says, "Why are there so many of you here tonight?" m**... replies, "The fillm says 18 and over, miss."
  10. A m**... and w**... walk into a sub shop One orders the Italian, the other orders a filthy stinking drunk.

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Mick One Liners

Which mick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mick? I can suggest the ones about midge and rick.

  1. What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods? Trail micks.
  2. What do you call a squad of IRA commandos? Seal Team Micks
  3. Why won't Dracula bite m**... Jagger? Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.
  4. Why doesn't m**... Jagger date British supermodels? A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
  5. The man who invented unisex Tennis has died. RIP m**... Stubbles
  6. Bad Mother m**..., do you think I'm a bad mother?
    My name is Paul.
  7. What's a rolling rolling stone? m**... Jagger in a wheelchair
  8. If m**... Jagger was Irish would he go by McJagger?
  9. m**... Jagger had to give up his Japanese garden. The rolling stone couldn't grow moss.
  10. I've heard the rumours of m**... Jagger's lips... They're Exjaggerated.
  11. What does m**... Fleetwood always order from McDonald's? A Fleetwood Mac.
  12. What do you call an Indian DJ? DJ m**... Singh
  13. m**... hucknall has been arrested for having s**... with a rabbit.
  14. What alcohol does The Rolling Stones drink? m**... Jäggermeister
  15. What black thing did six men constantly enter in the late 60s? m**... Jagger's Door

Mick Jagger Jokes

Here is a list of funny mick jagger jokes and even better mick jagger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why didn't m**... Jagger pick r**... Moss up from the airport? Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
  • What do you call m**... Jagger and Keith Richards both found dead with their eyes taped open in front of the TV? Killing two Stones with one Birdbox.

    *I'll show myself out...*
  • I just got caught hacking into m**... Jagger's Windows account... He told me, "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"
  • m**... Jagger and Keith Richards have a huge falling out after m**... refuses to stop talking in broken Spanish When asked for comment, m**... replied "The Rolling Stones gather no mas."
  • In the last interview, m**... Jagger revealed the secret of his young appearance. He said, 'Just stand by Keith.'
  • what did m**... jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together? hey, hugh, get off of mccloud.
  • TIL m**... Jagger once studied to become a Bryologist After forming his band, he abandoned his dream. After all, a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
  • m**... Jagger's Big Announcement As m**... and his fellow musicians continue to age, they've decided on a new name for the group:
    "The Rolling Kidney Stones"
  • What did m**... Jagger say to the guy who hacked into his dropbox account?.. Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!
  • m**... Jagger is sitting on a cloud. He sees a piece of gold on the cloud with him and throws it off exclaiming
    Au get off of my cloud!

Paddy And Mick Jokes

Here is a list of funny paddy and mick jokes and even better paddy and mick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two Irish couples decide to swap partners to spice up their s**... lives. Afterwards p**... says to m**... "That was incredible, I wonder how the girls got on!"
  • p**... and m**... are on a rollercoaster Getting strapped in, p**... turns to m**....
    "When we go upside down, will we fall out?"
    "I hope not p**..., we've been pals for years."
  • p**... "Would you like to buy my dog?" m**... : "What kind is it?" p**...: "It's a Dalmatian." m**... : "Is it clean?" p**...: "Spotless."
  • There's two mates on a plane, p**... and m**...... p**... says to m**... "Here, if the plane turns upside down, would we fall out?"
    m**... says "Naw p**..., we'll always be best pals."
  • Farmer p**...: "My cow fell down a hole, and I had to shoot her!" Farmer m**...: "Bejeesuss! Did you shoot her in the hole?"
    Farmer p**...: "No. I shot her in the head."
Mick joke, Farmer p**...: "My cow fell down a hole, and I had to shoot her!"

Mick joke, Farmer p**...: "My cow fell down a hole, and I had to shoot her!"

Uproarious Mick Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about mick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean matt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mick pranks.

What's the difference between m**... Jagger and a Scottsman?

What's the difference between m**... Jagger and a Scottsman?
m**... Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"
and the Scottsman says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".

Mickey Mantle knew 2 things.

Mickey Mantle knew 2 things.
Drinking, and how to play drunk baseball.

A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.

The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"

Irish lawnmower

p**... was waiting at the bus stop with m**... when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.
I gonna do that when I win the lottery, says p**....
What's dat? says m**....

Send me lawn away to be cut, says p**....

Two Irish men renovating a house

p**... is pulling up the floorboards and placing the nails into two piles.
m**... says "p**..., why are ye puttin the nails in two piles?"
To which p**... replies, "these ones I'm goin tae use again but those other ones are upside down"
m**... then says, "p**... you eedjit, ye can use them for the ceiling!"

Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't

Because Donald Duck.

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

Because Donald ducked.

Mickey mouse is getting a divorce

Mickey mouse goes to a lawyer and says he wants a divorce. Lawyer says "unfortunately you can't divorce your wife cause she is crazy" Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"

Irish joke

p**... an m**... are sitting at the bus stop.
They see a truck drive by loaded with turf.
p**... says to m**...
'That's while I'll do when I'm rich m**...'
'Whats that m**...?'
'Send me grass away to get cut'

Mickey Mouse hangs himself...

He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.

Why is Mickeys dog named Pluto?

Because hes not a planet.

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

Why did Mickey Mouse leave Minnie Mouse?

She was f**...' Goofy.

The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick...

Moby d**...'s Adobe m**....

Mickey Mouse

Q: What kind of mouse walks on two legs?
A: Mickey Mouse
Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs?
A: They all do!

Why does Mickelson travel with two s**... dolls?

just in case he gets a hole in one

Mickey mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Doctor: Which knee?
Mickey: Disney

p**... and m**... see a sign

Walking down the road in Ireland, p**... and m**... see a sign see a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted".
p**... sighs and says, "It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!".

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

Does Mickey Mouse watch cat videos?

No. He tried once, but he couldn't put on the notebook's headphones.

Mickey called the police because someone had written "Mickey s**..." in u**... in the snow in front of Mickey's house.

The officer told Mickey,
"I've got some good news and I have some bad news."
"What's the good news?" Mickey asked.
"The good news is that we were able to identify whose u**... it was. It was Goofy's."
"How could the bad news be worse than that?"
"It was Minnie's handwriting."

Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to see a marriage counsellor.


Two Irish Men walking down the Road.
p**... says to m**..., what you got in the
bag? m**... says Sausage Rolls, p**... says
if I can guess how many are in the bag, can
I have one, m**... says if you can guess, you
can have all 4...

Mickey Donovan priest joke

What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne waits till you're 14 till it comes on your face.

A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.

The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."

Why is Mickey mad at Minnie

Cuz she's f**...' Goofy

Do you like Micky D's?

p**... and m**... are walking through the woods when they come across a sign that reads, "Tree fellers wanted." p**... says, "Ah what a shame!"

"If only Seamus was here with us, we all could have applied for that!"

m**... was going to see p**......

He went to his farm and p**...'s wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When m**... walked in to the barn he seen p**... dancing n**... in front of his tractor.
m**... said what are you doing p**...?
p**... replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something s**... to a tractor..

Mickey and Minnie walked into a bar

Donald ducked

Two Irishmen are nailing a floor

Patty picks up a nail, looks at it and throws it away. He picks up another, looks at it and throws it away as well. m**... sees him and asks what he's doing.
Patty - Them nails were no good, they were upside down.
m**... - You idiot, save those ones for the roof...

Mickey Mouse's wife and Christopher Robin's friend made a gameshow together where contestants do 60 second challenges.

They called it... Minnie to Winnie.


p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after

Mickey Mouse is at the lawyers office..

The lawyer says "you can't divorce Minnie just because she has big teeth"
Mickey say " I didn't say she had big teeth, I said she's f\*\*king Goofy"

m**... Jagger and a cough have one thing in common.

Once you start them up, they never stop.

Mickey Mouse discovered the hard way Minnie Mouse liked superheroes.

She was having an affair with Mighty Mouse.

m**... Jagger goes to the doctor...

m**... Jagger: "Doctor, I feel all bloated and gassy, but I just can't seem to f**...."
Doctor: "Are you saying that..."
m**... Jagger: "Yes, doctor... I can't get no flatus action."

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

Pat and m**... were walking down the street when Pat fell into a big hole filled with milk.

m**... runs over to the hole and asks:
Pat, is it pasteurised?
To which Pat replies:
Nah, it's only up to my knees!

Irish Doughnuts

p**... and m**... are walking down the road and p**...'s got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
p**... says to m**..., If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both.

Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.

p**... and m**..., have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.
The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and m**... takes his gun and shoots a man.
"What are you doing m**..." said p**..., "It's only a quarter to eight!"
"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."

p**... was at the airport and was stopped by customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?
p**...: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.
Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?
p**...: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate m**...,
He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could
I bring him back two Saxophones.

Three Irish men in a pub called says, "Are you all related?" m**... said, "Yeah we're triplets". Barman says, "Triplets, how Come you & Pat are six foot tall & Tat is only four foot tall?"

"Well", said m**..., "Me & Pat
were breast fed, so there was no t**... for tat".

m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

Two Irish men, m**... and Dara are walking in the woods..

m**... and Dara are walking in the woods when they come up on a sign saying "Job opportunity! Good pay. Tree fellers wanted."
"Ah, jaysus" says Dara, 'tis but a shame there's only two of us"!

A golfer is playing a par 4 hole.

His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of m**... Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.

Mrs Donnelly: m**...? You took me husband Donnie on da trip to Guinness brewery, and heres you are alone. Where's me Donnie?

m**...: Its terrible news, miss. Donnie were leanin over one of those great big vats of stout, fell in and drowned.
Mrs Donnelly (starting to tear up): Oh lord in heaven... m**...! At least tell me he died quick.
m**...: I can't miss. He got out to pee three times.
Happy Saint Paddies ta ya all!

Mick joke, Mrs Donnelly: m**...? You took me husband Donnie on da trip to Guinness brewery, and heres you are a

jokes about mick