Michelle Jokes
83 michelle jokes and hilarious michelle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about michelle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out this hilarious collection of Michelle jokes featuring namesakes Carly, Jenni, and Lauren. Whether you have a favorite Michelle or could use a chuckle, these jokes are sure to make you smile!
Funniest Michelle Short Jokes
Short michelle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The michelle humour may include short michelle obama jokes also.
- How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
- On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
- What did barack obama write inside his Valentines card? "I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"
- Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.
- Why do Magic: The Gathering players love Michelle Obama? She's a first edition Black Flotus
- What did Melania Trump have on her Black Friday shopping list? A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list
- Great 1st Ladies of the United States have there own cause. Michelle Obama's: Your Truth, Melania Trump's: Be Best... Jackie Kennedy's: Take your shot
- What does Barack say to Michelle when they're getting adventurous with their House of Cards roleplay? "Let me be Claire."
- What happens when Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams try to make a Destiny's Child song about herbs and spices? Bey Leaves.
- What did Barrack say when he was all alone? [1/2 OC] Here I am Obama self...
Like a crab in Michelle.
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Michelle One Liners
Which michelle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with michelle? I can suggest the ones about costume and snail.
- What did the pirate name his pet clam? Michelle
- What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable Barackoli
- What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach? Oh no Michelle !
- Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom? Because her pee is silent.
- Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.
- I look forward to hearing Michelle Obama's speech again. At the 2020 RNC.
- I listened to the wise words of Michelle Obama: When they go low, I get high.
- What did Barack say when Michelle left him I'm Obama self now
- I already figured out Michelle Obama's slogan. Hindsight is 2020.
- Why does Michelle Obama wear heels? So her knuckles don't drag.
- Obama divorces Michelle. He told her "I wanna Barrack up with you"
- It took Michelle Obama two presidencies to get kids outside... and Nintendo two days.
- Why did Barack and Michelle have a fight during foreplay? Because she said put-in.
- When Obama pulled out... Michelle still got pregnant
- Michelle takes Sasha and Malia on a trip to Paris for the week. Wanks Obama.
Michelle Obama Jokes
Here is a list of funny michelle obama jokes and even better michelle obama puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I heard Donald Trump announced Melania will be giving a speech... ... glad to hear Michelle Obama will have writing work after leaving the White House.
- Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama are running for president in 2020 Honestly...
It's black and white - Didn't have a chance to hear Michelle Obama's speech last night... Guess I'll catch it in 4 years at the next RNC.
- Michelle Obama was not the first person to think of the "Turnip for what" She was the First Lady
- Michelle Obama has been a great first lady... .. but Bill Clinton would make an excellent one.
- Do you know why Michelle Obama is no longer legally allowed in schools? Because she has fire-arms.
- Why does Michelle Obama love fried chicken? Because it goes great with steamed Barack-oli.
- Michelle Obama walks into a bar where the bartender is Vladimir Putin... complete the joke...
Unearthly Funniest Michelle Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about michelle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tortoise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make michelle pranks.
What's black, white, red, blue, green, yellow, purple, orange, and super easy for anyone to do? Michelle McGee, Jesse James' mistress.
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best Obama joke Ive heard in a while
so Obama, Michelle Obama, and Oprah are in airforce one, Obama turns around and says "I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window and make someone very happy". Michelle Obama turns and says "I could throw 10 $10,000 bills out the window and make 10 people really happy". Oprah said "Ill beat both of you, I can throw 100 $10,000 bills out the window and make 100 people really happy". Then the pilot turns to them and says "Yeah but i could c**... this plane and make 200 million people REALLY happy!"
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We all should boycott Subway for joining Michelle Obama's Let's Move initiative. In fact, we should march to the streets!
Oh wait...
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Obama goes to a Halloween party
Obama is invited to a Halloween costume party with other members of the government. He arrives completely n**... with a bare woman clinging to his back. He walks around and attracts the obvious attention and disgust of the other people in the party, until someone asks him what he's supposed to be dressed as.
"Why, I'm a snail!" he exclaimed with the woman still attached to his back.
"Oh yeah," one man responds "who's that woman on your back?"
"Her? She's not just any woman. She's Michelle!"
Two Guys, The Summer, And The Confessional
A young man goes to confession with his friend on the first day of summer. When he enters the confessional, he says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned... I have been with a woman of poor moral fiber."
Priest: "That's sad to hear young man... I must ask... was it Jenny Armstrong?"
Young Man: "I cannot say father."
Priest: "Was it Sarah Smith?"
Young Man: "I will not say, father."
Priest: "It must have been Michelle Geller."
Young Man: "Father, I will not say."
Priest: "I admire your conviction, but you must atone. Don't return to service for two weeks, or until you have said 4 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers."
The young man leaves and sees his friend on the way out. "What did you get?' his friend asks. He replies, "two weeks of summer vacation and three good leads."
Did you hear about the two Jamaican Turtles at the RNC?
They were just looking for Michelle Bachman.
Halloween Joke
This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?
The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!
You're a snail?
Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.
Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy
Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy
One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby but because she's one of my skinniest friends.
Walking didgeridoo
I heard what sounded like a didgeridoo coming down the street one very very windy day. Turns out it was just Michelle Duggar wearing a skirt.
Obvious media bias
Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs?
It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!
Obama and Putin have a discussion..
Putin: Let's just talk about this man to man..
Obama: Ok one moment, let me get Michelle.
My uncle told it much better but I can't remember how he said it. Feel free to repost it if you can format it better.
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Trump did a better job getting people to exercise in 1 month than Michelle Obama did in 8 years
Look at all those protesters on the streets!
A woman walks into a costume party, dressed as a turtle.
As part of the costume, another woman was painted green ND attached to her back.
At the party, someone asked the woman "Who's that on you're back?"
To which they responded "That's Michelle".
Obama walks into a bar, but he's invisible.
The bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"
Barack says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."
For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I think America will love her too." That wish was granted.
For my second wish, I said "Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic...and I want to be President...of the United States...so I can serve my country." That wish was granted too.
And then, for my third wish, I started by saying "Let me be clear..."
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Former figure skater Michelle Kwan was caught by paparazzi, who took an unfortunate down-blouse pic.
Nevertheless, it's a perfect example of both quality and Kwan t**....
I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...
All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."
A man and his wife went to a Halloween party
Somebody asked him what they were dressed as.
He replied "I am a turtle and my wife is Michelle"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama vs trump
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
Source : Quora
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump and Obama at the barber
Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn n**.... As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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An old rich Corsican is about to die
According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good boy. Good boy"
"Come here, Michelle", tycoon tells the second one to come
"Yes,father"
"Imagine that a n**... passionate woman want to embrace you. What will you do?
"I won't make a movement. I don't want to get exhausted if there's no need"
"Good boy, good boy"
Finally, dying corsican addresses the third son
"Come here, Fransisco"
"No, you come to me"
Sorry for grammar, English isn't my native language
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p**... offered sarah palin a million dollars to pose n**... ..
Michelle Obama got the same offer from nat geo
Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Squirtle
A man arrives at a fancy dress with a n**... g**... his back.
"I'm a turtle" he says.
Oh.. Who's on your back?
"That's Michelle" he replies.
I went to an Animal Costume Party with my wife on my back
I knocked on the door and was immediately told I wasn't in costume.
I said that I was and when asked which animal I was I said,
I'm a turtle and on my back, that's Michelle
A dad joke that took some time
I have a friend named Michelle, but everyone calls her Mitz. I was at a bar once with Mitz and another woman named Sue. Someone we didn't know walked up and began chatting. Eventually, we got to introduce ourselves. Mitz went first, then Sue, so I, of course, introduced myself as Bishi.
They all looked at me like I was an idiot, but I loved every second of it.
A happy couple was once celebrating their first anniversary...
And during the entire celebration, the husband carried his wife on his back. When a friend asked why he was doing this, the man replied, "I'm a turtle." The friend then asked about his wife, to which he replied, "Oh, her? She's Michelle."
