Following is our collection of Michael funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien
I hope it's Michael. Hes cute.
Billy's Jeans
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
Because he's rich and can afford the best ingredients
Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients.
My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.
It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.
Husband: "Who do you mean? John, Michael or the fat one?"
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Neil Armstrong walked ON the Moon and Michael Jackson had sex with kids.
My personal pronouns are he/hee
He could have called it Billie Jeans.
Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!
Kids pants would be half off there.
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.
Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*
Disney Movies still touch kids
Because he is dead.
He had his back to the fuchsia.
James Bond walks into a bar.
Michael J. Fox is the bartender.
James Bond says "I'll have a martini."
He does not need to specify.
Michael Phelps can actually finish off a race.
He was conceived anally
They both come on little white crackers.
One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...
And the other carries groceries.
Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.
"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.
"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.
"Shaken, not stirred."
"Oh, thank God."
(George Michael)
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
.. I'm like "Man, it's got 4 wheel drive... We can go anywhere you want!"
-Michael Palascak
C4
There's 20 of them
and asked his mom: "Mom, is god man or a woman".
Mom didn't want to spoil his mind so she said: "Both."
Little jonny went to his room and thought for sometime.
He came back and asked her: "Mom, is god black or white".
Again, the mom didn't want any controversy so she said: "Both."
Jonny again went back to his room and thought for sometime.
Then he came back and asked: "Mom, is god a straight or gay?"
Again, mom didn't want to create any controversy, so again she said: "Both."
This time jonny went to his room and thought really hard.
He came back and said: "Mom I finally figured it out. michael jackson is god"
"Son, some people see God as a man, while others see God as a woman."
"Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Son, some people see God as black, while others see God as white."
"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"
Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
He was big in the minors.
Michael Dublé! :D
Harambe got punished for touching little kids.
... so on his last Christmas he gave someone his heart
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 😶
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
because he is rich and can afford high quality ingredients!..
Note 7
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"
...names were Michael Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Fitzmichael.
Do you want to be black, or white?
She asked what I was doing
I told her to beat it.
So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas.
They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
I'm not sure which race yet.
Shaking Bad.
Only in America could a poor, black boy become a rich, white woman
it's Bad
Patient: My name isn't Michael.
Surgeon: I know, my name is Michael.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.