Mice Jokes
111 mice jokes and hilarious mice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest jokes about mice ever in this article! From three blind mice and church mice to jokes about phobias and purrgatory, you'll laugh out loud. Plus, find out why mice outrank cockroaches for comedy.
Funniest Mice Short Jokes
Short mice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mice humour may include short rodent jokes also.
- Hickory Dickory Dock Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.
- How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, obviously. How they got inside the lightbulb is the part I don't understand...
- I read somewhere that WD40 is great from keeping mice out of your garden. I tried it... It doesn't work!!
However they have stopped squeaking. - Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house He is an ex Terminator
- How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? It only takes two mice to screw in a light bulb.
The hard part is getting them in there. - I see your lightbulb joke... How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but the trick is getting them inside the lightbulb. - WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs … as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.
- Hickory, Dickory, Dock ... Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the rest escaped with minor injuries - I ran over my neighbor's cat the ither day.. And I felt really bad about it so I told her that I will replace her cat. She said "that's all well and good but how are you at catching mice?"
- When it comes to catching mice what's the difference between a live trap and a death trap? About a week
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Mice One Liners
Which mice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mice? I can suggest the ones about cat and mouse and computer mouse.
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- Who do MICE pray to? CHEESUS
- Why was mars overrun with mice? Curiosity killed the cat.
- What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake!
C'mon, you know the rules!! - What's Invisible and Smells Like Mice? Cat Farts...
- What has six eyes but can't see? Three blind mice.
- What do mice eat on their birthdays? Cheesecake.
- What do cats cook for dinner when they're in a hurry? Minute Mice
- What is a cat's favorite breakfast? Mice crispies.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- What do cats put in their drinks? Mice cubes.
- What do you get when you put mice in the oven? Mice crispies.
- Q: What does a cat like to eat with birthday cake? A: Mice cream!
- Where do mice and rats go to get drinks? At a Squeakeasy!
Three Mice Jokes
Here is a list of funny three mice jokes and even better three mice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Three blind ______ In Asia, its not 3 blind mice. It's 3 blind rice.
Blind Mice Jokes
Here is a list of funny blind mice jokes and even better blind mice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a cats favorite song? 3 blind mice
Delightful Fun Mice Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about mice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean minnie mouse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mice pranks.
Did you hear Schwarzenegger got a job killing mice?
No he's an ex-terminator
Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
It hasn't been tested on mice.
So three mice get into Heaven...
And they are greeted by St. Peter. Peter says to them "Because you lived good lives, each of you gets one wish." They say to Peter "We spent our entire lives running from predators, and our legs got very tired. Can you give us skateboards to get around?" Peter obliges, and they get three skateboards.
About a week later, Peter is checking in on everybody in Heaven. He runs into the cat that died about a month earlier, and he asks how he is doing. The cat says "Heaven is fabulous! I especially love the meals on wheels you sent me a few days ago!"
Man runs over a cat
Yesterday the lady next door received a buzz from the front door. When she opened the door there was a man there.
With a saddened look the man says "Lady, I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat."
Without hesitation the man tells the lady that he would like to replace the cat.
The lady looks up at the man and replies "Thats all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?"
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they'll fit.
A study was just conducted to see what the #1 fear in humans is
The results came back, and it's cats. But something seems a little off. They've only done testing on mice so far
Mice
We've had a few mice in the house recently so I set a few traps.
The next day I went down to check and was very surprised with what I found.
I jumped back into bed and said to the wife, "There are some clever mice in this area."
"Why?" she asked, "Did they get the cheese without springing the traps?"
"They didn't go near them," I replied. "They're sitting in the living room playing Scrabble."
cat problems
A girl cat asked her boyfriend cat where her mouse stuffed animal was. He says "that was a stuffed animal? I thought it was real so I ate it!"
She responds: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE MICE THINGS"
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb.
Just 2 but makes you wonder how they got inside the bulb
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?
Heavy petting.
A cat entered a barn
A cat entered a barn:
Meooow!
All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:
Woof, woof!
All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.
Where do mice park their boats?
At the Hickory Dickory Dock!
Ice Bank Mice Elf
(repeat this 10 times fast)
These researchers are discussing an idea to replace mice in science labs with something that'll lead to better results.
The lady next door ran over my cat.
She said she'd replace it, so I asked her how good she was at catching mice.
Courtesy of Mary Poppins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why were George and Lennie sad? (Of mice and men joke)
Because they ran out of w**... :D
My English is terrible, but at least I know the plural for mouse
which is mice.
Elephant in sneakers
Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
So that he can sneak up on mice!
What do cats eat in the summer?
Mice cream.. ba dum dum tsst!
Two scientists are about the open the results of a recent experiment.
The first scientist eagerly asks the other: "So, what does it say? Is it looking like we're pretty close to a cure?"
"Well, it appears that out of all the mice that received the new treatment, we were only able to successfully cure every-other one. So, the odds aren't looking very good..."
second language
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the definition of innocence?
A nun working in a c**... factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
If a cat catches all the mice on your property...
does that make it squeaky clean?
What do mice eat during the summer?
Micecream
So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...
and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked
"So, what do you do?"
He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"
Ah, I replied.....
Mice to Nietszche.
What do you say to a guy who is covered in rodents?
Mice outfit!
What's Curley from *Of Mice and Men's* least favorite rap song?
*No Vaseline* - Ice Cube
Three Mice Are Bragging to eachother
The first mouse says: I will eat tons of mouse-poison, but it does nothing to me. The second mouse says, well for me a mouse trap is peanuts! I just pull the lever and take the cheese!
The Third says: Oh you two, stop bragging already! Wait... what time is it? Oh, I have to go home, i have to feed the cat!
How do say farewell to a cat?
You ask him to have a mice day.
They say an elephant never forgets...
so I suggest we switch from mice to elephants to study alzheimer's disease.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If mice had a military, who would be their leader?
**General Mau**se
How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Two, but it's overcrowded
How do you deal with mice in the Kremlin?
Put up a sign that says "collective farm." Then half the mice will starve, and the rest will run away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.
I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
Some teenage computer mice were forced to talk to each other...
It took them a while, but they cliqued.
Where do mice launch their jetskis?
From the Hickory Dickory dock
Why doesn't Edward Scissorhands like mice?
Because he prefers keyboard shortcuts!
Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.
The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:
"What happened to the cheese?"
They replied:
"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."
Why did two mice fall in love?
They just clicked.
Is it nice when mice chew your cereal boxes?
Gnaw.
ICE
Ice
Bank
Mice
Elf
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An immigrant moves to New York City from another country...
He can bearly speak broken English. He notices mice in his apartment and immediately calls the landlord to report the problem. Hello!
-Hello, what's the problem?
-You know Tom and j**...?
-Yes, Tom and j**...?
-Well, j**... problem.
- I bought a cat
- Why did you buy a cat?
- My wife is afraid of mice
- You have mice at your house?
- Yes, I brought them a week ago
- Why did you bring mice into your house?
- I always wanted a cat.
The natural fear cycle.
Cockroach afraid of mice
Mice afraid of cats
Cats afraid of dogs
Dogs afraid of men
Men afraid from wives
Wives afraid of cockraoches.
I accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat the other day.
So, immediately, I went and knocked on her door, and I said, "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am; I think I've killed your cat. To make amends for this tragic mistake, I'll replace him if you'd like."
She said, "That's very noble of you, but how are you at catching mice?"
A scientist has been working with mice for many years and has discovered a potential cure for cancer.
"It was an elaborate experiment".
Three mice walk into a bar...
After a few drinks, they get into a heated argument about how tough they are.
The first mouse says, When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back and set it off with my foot. Then, I catch the bar with my teeth and bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite. Only then do I make off with the cheese!
The second mouse says, Oh yeah? Well, whenever I see rat poison, I take it all and grind it into powder. Then when morning comes, I use it to flavor my coffee! It helps me get a nice buzz going for the rest of the day!
The third mouse, checking his watch, sighs, stands up and says I've gotta go. I have a date with a cat.
Where do Arab mice sleep?
In clickbait.
A woman ran over my cat with her car.
The cat was killed and the woman knocked on my door. "I'm so sorry. I've accidentally killed your cat and I'd like to replace it." I said "I'm sure we can work something out, but first I need to know if you can catch mice."
If the plural of Mouse is Mice...
Nice is the plural of Nouse xDdddddddds
We met that summers day, all those years ago. Just two computer mice ...
... we found the same OK button, and somehow, we just clicked.
What did the mouse say to its friend
It's mice to meet you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Hey Mom, could you tell us the nursery rhyme about the 3 mice?"
Mom: "The one's that m**...?"
If the plural of "mouse" is "mice" and the plural of "louse" is "lice"...
Then why isn't the plural of "house" "hice"?
What do you call a rodent looking elf that lives on an ice bank?
Ice Bank Mice Elf
If the plural for mouse is mice
Why isn't the plural for rat rice?
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
A weird order at the pet shop
A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."
Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse
Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.
"What did you find?" he asks.
"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".
"And how is it?"
"Nothing much. The book was better."
My cat just ate a bunch of cheese. Now he's heading to the basement to look for mice
with baited breath.
With this new app, you'll be able to keep track of the speed at which your pet mice move and share it online in just a matter of seconds.
Introducing: Mice Pace
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend, who studies mice, wanted a specific rodent to complete his collection.
He asked me to find one for him. I searched far and wide for a homosexual rodent of the Ming subspecies (that was his request).
After a few months, I found a rodent that matched his request. But when I gave it to him, he slapped me.
I was shocked. "Why did you slap me?", I asked out of frustration.
"You idiot! I asked you for a gaming mouse!!"
What do you do if you accidentally get your pet snake wet?
Put it in a bowl of mice overnight.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Two, but I still don't know how they got in there!
It's my cake day and I remembered to make a post! (Wait, one thing say today and one thing says tomorrow - it's today gosh darn it!)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two mice are walking down a New York sidewalk.
A beautiful woman passes them. The first mouse says Wow! Did you see the a**... on her?! The other mouse responds It was nice, but I'm a titmouse myself.
