Following is our collection of mexican humor and border one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Mexico puns for adults, dirty immigrate jokes or clean jose gags for kids.
There is an abundance of deport jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 75 funniest jokes on mexico. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any peso witze you can hear about mexico.
Probably because Mexico has more aliens
Mexico & Canada
They are willing to pay for the wall now.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
cause we dont speak english.
Since no one can get over her...
I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
It didn't peso well.
The barman looks up and asks "We don't serve wine here"
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.
They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.
34 people died.
It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.
The Juan percent.
The child calls him his "PaDre"
Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.
There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.
A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive
Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
I chose Carlos and escaped to Mexico
They want $100 million and a charter plane to Mexico or else they will release him.
...94 people died.
and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
Tequila mocking bird
A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*
Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning.
It's known, of course, as... Sinko De Mayo.
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy! A special Mexican Cuisine Treat!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...
86 confirmed dead.
A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied.
"Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the devout man.
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they reached the customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed for a woman's use, but which is, to date, unused." The official said, "Go ahead, Father."
The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"
The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews...apple jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."
A woman was standing in line talking on her cell phone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up he turns to her:
Man: "I didn't want to say anything while you were on the phone but you are in America now. You need to speak English."
Woman: "Excuse me?"
Man: *talks slow-* If you want to speak Spanish, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English."
Woman: "Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England."
Cross-country.
All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.
...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.
And order some mexican food. While they're waiting they begin to talk about how judaism is the biggest religion in the world & that even jesus was a jew.
Then one of them thinks "since we're in mexico I wouldn't doubt it if there's mexican jews around here somewhere" they wave down their waitress & ask her if she can ask around and see if there's any mexican jews... The waitress giving them an odd look agrees.
About 5 minutes pass and the waitress comes back and says she asked everybody at her tables & no mexican jews. Still convinced he asks her waitress to ask the manager & the head chef if there's any mexican jews. Again... Odd look but agrees.
After another 5 minutes the waitress comes back & says "sorry sir, I asked my manager & all the cooks in the back and there's no mexican jews... But we have apple jews, orange jews, carrot jews.....
And of course all the construction and publicity has garnered a crowd. Well the entrepreneur, seeing an opportunity to wow the crowd, volunteers to be the first person to jump. So he is strapped in and over the edge he goes, and the crowd goes wild. But when his crew goes to retrieve him after his jump, he is all beaten and bloodied. They ask if he hit the ground or something. He says "Well... we should probably shorten the rope a little more... also, what does 'piñata' mean?
...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans.
Because any Mexican who can run, jump, or swim is in America already
Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.
3 brewery presidents walk into a bar. One from Corona, Coors and Guinness.
The president from Corona says to the bartender, "Give me a Corona, the best Mexico has to offer" and the bartender hands him one.
Next, the Coors president orders a Coors saying "Hand me the only beer in the world made with water fresh from the Colorado Rockies."
Then the Guinness president walks up to the bar and orders a Coca Cola. The bartender, a bit taken aback, hands him what he orders.
The other brewery presidents turn to him and say, "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" He replies, "Well, i figured if you guys weren't ordering beers, why should I?"
200 people died.
A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"
The Indian answered, "Eggs."
The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "
Thirteen years later, the traveller's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to him and said jovially, "How!"
The Indian answered, "Scrambled."
it's too hard on the donkey
So when Mexicans try to cross they will read "welcome to Mexico" and turn around.
There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died.
What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool?
Coco puffs.
They say he had a loco motive.
All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.
Naturally, one of the first places we went was a cheese shop. He was being all tentative, only considering purchasing a small block of cheddar. He's never going to fit like that.
I said to him, Jesus, take the wheel.
At church you get touched by god, in Mexico you get touched by jesus
Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.
they meet a genie who decides to grant them each one wish. He first turns to the African man."What do you wish for?"
The African man says, "I wish for all of my people to be free and happy in Africa," and so it was done.
The genie turns to the Mexican man and asks, "What do you wish for?"
The Mexican man says, "I wish for all my people to be free and happy in Mexico," and so it was done.
Finally the genei turns to the American and asks, "What do you wish for?"
The American man says, "So let me get this straight. All the black people are in Africa?"
The genie says yes.
"And all the Mexicans are in Mexico?"
The genie again says yes.
The American man smiles and says, "I'll have a coke."
Because everyone who can run, jump and swim are already in America.
>A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Mexico.
>While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.
>It looked good.
>It smelled good.
>He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
>The waiter replied, "Ah señor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
>The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"
>The waiter replied, "I am so sorry señor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
>The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
>After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
>The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, señor. Sometimes the bull wins."
So they rubbed it and a genie pops out, tells them they get 1 wish each.
The mexican guy goes 1st and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Mexico." and poof! The wish is granted.
The black guy goes next and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Africa." and poof! The wish is granted.
Last up is the white guy, he asks the genie: "with their wishes, all the Mexicans and blacks are back to their home lands?" The genie replies: "yes, they all are."
The white guy then says: "I'll have a coke please."
To the Supreme Court.
Because they need to give the donkey a break.
Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.
Because they have a lot of esé's
Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.
Yeah. He had a loco motive.
Always trying to take captain america's job.
So far I haven't had any Hispanic attacks.
I know DOZENS of Racist Jokes. But only a couple (not very good) Racist White Jokes.
For example:
Did you hear about the 2 house fire in Mexico?
Thousands died.
Why do Mexican's drive low-riders?
So they can pick strawberries from their car.
A man walks into a Bar with a Parrot on his shoulder.
The Bartender says: "Wow, that's awesome! Where can I get one?"
The Parrot Replies: "Africa! There's millions of them!"
Seriously though: I love Black People.
I think everyone should own one.
How do Asians name their children?
They throw their pots and pans in their air and record the sounds:
Ping Bang Pow.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
The only "White Joke" I know is:
White people are born purple.
Then turn pink.
When they're mad, they're red.
When they're sick they're green.
When they're scared they're yellow.
When they're cold they're blue.
And have the nerve to call everyone else colored.
So: Does anyone have any "White Jokes" for me?
Everyone that can run, jump, and swim are already out of the country.
Ciudad
Mexico
Mexic
Mexi
Mex
Me
17 people were injured.
Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.