Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Mexican Jokes
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
You know, Mexican and b**... jokes are really starting to bore me.
Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?
Because it says "No Trespassing".
Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer?
He had loco motives
Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers?
they only had one pickup
Did you hear about the Mexican racist?
Hey tried to join the que que que.
Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?
They only had 2 vans
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)
Alien vs. Predator
The Mexican Magician
A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *p**...* The magician vanished without a tres.
A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant...
He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."
A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says "uno... dos..." *p**...*! and disappears without a tres.
You can explore mexican enchiladas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mexican guacamole dad jokes. There are also mexican puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...*
He disappeared without a tres.
Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber?
He had locomotives.
A mexican kid tells D. Trump:
I want to be President!
Trump says: are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you r**...?
Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.
What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.
They told him, "No whey, José."
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says No Tres passing
How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?
Dos
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
A Mexican man was visiting America.
He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?
E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.
Two r**... are admiring their firearms.
One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...
The i**... protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.
Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.
Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign?
It was just the two of them.
What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?
No Whey José.
"Jesus loves you."
A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
A Mexican attempts to pass the border
A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"d**...! Well, you're free to go!"
A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar
Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."
The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."
I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."
It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.
Why did the Mexican take a Xanax?
For hispanic attacks
I was about to smoke w**... with a couple cute Mexican girls...
I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph because he's too short to be an essay
What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign?
"It's ok because there is only two of us."
What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car?
Carlos...
Jesus loves you.
A beautiful sentiment to hear at church.
The stuff of nightmares in a Mexican prison.
What are Mexican proteins made of?
Amigo-acids
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the m**... of Juan Gonzalez.
How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.
A golf gun? What's a golf gun?
I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan
Touched by Jesus
Saying that you were touched by Jesus is a completely different story in a Mexican prison.
How does a Mexican cut a pizza?
With *little* *caesars*
I was gonna smoke w**... with this Mexican girl
Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time?
Because the sign says no trespassing.
I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.
He said, Eh. I'll get over it.
Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...
Racism
Sometimes if I wanna get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with "I'm not racist,
"I'm not racist, but you look great today."
And they say, "that wasn't racist at all."
And I say, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks
Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had locomotives
What do you call a Mexican space chicken?
Apollo.
A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.
Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.
An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".
The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".
The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".
I've started saying mucho to all of my Mexican coworkers.
It means a lot to them.
How many Mexicans?
How many Mexicans does it take to...
Holy sh\*\* they're already done.
There was a Mexican magician who was about to disappear on the count of three. He said "uno... dos-" and vanished.
He disappeared without a tres
How does every Mexican joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Who runs Mexican Amazon?
Jeff Pesos
It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it here I realised it hasn't been told this way on this subreddit yet either. So I'm claiming it as an original joke.
I informed my Mexican friend that I had eaten their leftover cheese.
They replied, "K, so?"
How many Mexicans does it take to fix a car?
Only Juan.
Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train robber?
He had loco motives
A Mexican is applying for citizenship
and for the final portion, the proctor says "okay, I need you to come up with an English sentence that contains the words 'green, pink and yellow'."
The man smiled and said "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'yellow'!"
Why did the Mexican husband push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila!
What do you call a Mexican guy who's car broke down?
Joaquin
What do you call the Mexican secret service?
FB ay ayay ay
What do you call a Mexican who loves Uno?
Juan.
