Mexican Jokes

Following is our collection of tijuana puns and maxican one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Mexican jokes for adults, dirty ese jokes and clean locomotives dad gags for kids.

The Best Mexican Puns

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.

Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein?

No Whey José.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Mexican joke, "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

Why did the Mexican take a Xanax?

For hispanic attacks

Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives


Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time?

Because the sign says no trespassing.

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...

Mexican joke, Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *POOF*

He disappeared without a tres.

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says No Tres passing

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...


A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."

The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

How does a Mexican cut a pizza?

With *little* *caesars*

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph because he's too short to be an essay

Mexican joke, What do you call a Mexican midget?

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."

It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.



"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.



The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

How was he killed asked one detective. With a golf gun. Replied the second detective.

A golf gun? What's a golf gun?

I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan


I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls...

I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber?

He had locomotives.

Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign?

It was just the two of them.

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?

Because it says "No Trespassing".

Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?

They only had 2 vans

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3...

He says "uno... dos..." *poof*! and disappears without a tres.

How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?

Dos

The Mexican Magician

A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *POOF* The magician vanished without a tres.

What are Mexican proteins made of?

Amigo-acids

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)

Alien vs. Predator

What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

"Jesus loves you."

A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car?

Carlos...

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.

She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"

A mexican kid tells D. Trump:

I want to be President!
Trump says: are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you retarded?
Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.

Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer?

He had loco motives

Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers?

they only had one pickup

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

Did you hear about the Mexican racist?

Hey tried to join the que que que.

I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl

Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.

Racism

Sometimes if I wanna get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with "I'm not racist,
"I'm not racist, but you look great today."

And they say, "that wasn't racist at all."

And I say, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.

They told him, "No whey, José."

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant...

He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, "yes, you are."

A Mexican man was visiting America.

He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.

"What happened?" asked his family.

"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

Touched by Jesus

Saying that you were touched by Jesus is a completely different story in a Mexican prison.

Jesus loves you.

A beautiful sentiment to hear at church.

The stuff of nightmares in a Mexican prison.

What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign?

"It's ok because there is only two of us."

You know, Mexican and Blacks jokes are really starting to bore me.

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"

"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."

"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

Trump: "Let's get that Muslim band going"

"Band? We thought you said ban"

Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?

Carlos

There is an abundance of juans jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes and mexican puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mexican girl witze you can hear about mexican.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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