The Best 52 Metric Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Metric jokes. There are some metric centimeter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these metric kilometres puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Metric Jokes and Puns

Why Americans don't use metric?

Foot fetish

The Wizard of Oz was imperial.

Bit the Wizard of CC was metric.

My metric converter brings all the boys to the..


Metric joke, My metric converter brings all the boys to the..

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipede = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

Edit - formatting

I love the metric system.

It's the best by an absolute 1.6km

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

Down with the metric system

No more foreign rulers!

Metric joke, Down with the metric system

How do we know that Darth Vader is American?

Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March

Who does the Metric Cult worship?


You give Americans an inch...

And they'll invent their own metric system.

School in US would be 10 times easier if we use metric system, 12 times harder if we don't.

You can explore metric gauge reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean metric measure dad jokes. There are also metric puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

The USA is changing to the metric system...

Inch by inch

Why don't Europeans have foot fetishes?

they use the metric system

There are two types of countries on this planet

ones that use the metric system and the one that got to the moon

Why don't anarchists accept the metric system?

They refuse to have liters.

America is converting to the metric system

Inch by inch

Metric joke, America is converting to the metric system

America is converting to metric units...

inch by inch.

What do the metric system and Oscar Pistorius have in common?

No feet.

Why won't the US change over to the Metric system?

Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

How did Europe feel after switching to the metric system?


Are you a metric unit of velocity?

Because you make me want to km/s

I heard the United States is slowly moving towards the metric system...

They're getting closer inch by inch

America is approaching metric system...

...inch by inch.

There are two types of countries,

Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

I wish I was the Metric System....

Because I really wanna km/s.

Americans do use the metric system...

Because they use 9mms at school.

Whats the single most important metric in brothel reviews?

Most bang for your buck

Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system?

There would be mass confusion

There are two types of countries in the world....

Those who use the Metric System....

And those who have been to the Moon.

I lost 80 pounds last week

I simply switched from imperial to metric

There are two kinds of countries

Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.

Why does North Korea use the metric system?

How else will they have a Supreme Liter?

Metric system isn't popular in the United States?

Nonsense, just look how popular are two-liter bottles and nine-millimeter bullets

Americans got tired of using metric tons so they made up a new unit of weight.

New ton

What's the metric version of 69


How are the British taking to the Metric System?

Inch by inch

If the US switched from the standard measurement system to metric overnight,

there would be mass confusion.

I know of someone who uses the metric system

I really want to metre

Why doesn't the US use the metric system?

Because they can't stand foreign rulers.

21 Savage will have to change his name to comply with the metric system

53.34 Savage sounds fitting.

Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system...

You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

Nearly every country in the world uses metric, except for America...

because America has a foot fetish.

What would it take to get America to switch to the metric system?

The right liter ship

Imagine the US switched to the metric system.

Everyone would be kilogramming your mom.

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn't think they liked the metric system.

There are two types of countries in this world.....

Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

An American lost a lot of weight

When he switched to metric system

All of my European friends tell me I have a foot fetish.

I tell them, I'll never understand the metric system.

Why don't podiatrist use the metric system?

Because they get paid by the foot.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the metric wonton jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working metric japaneese piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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