Metric Jokes
83 metric jokes and hilarious metric puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about metric that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud at jokes all about the metric system and learn more about the meter, the kilogram, and the gauge. Featuring all the puns, quips, and witty jokes that measure up to the metric system.
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Funniest Metric Short Jokes
Short metric jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The metric humour may include short meter jokes also.
- Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
- I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
- Why won't the US change over to the Metric system? Because we'd rather die on our feet than live on your 30.48 centimeters.
- There are two types of countries, Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.
- There are two type of countries. Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.
- My friend wanted me to meet someone so I could learn about the metric system. I said I didn't want to meter.
- Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm
- It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America. Didn't think they liked the metric system.
- There are two types of countries in this world..... Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.
- There are two types of countries in the world.... Those who use the Metric System....
And those who have been to the Moon.
Share These Metric Jokes With Friends
Metric One Liners
Which metric one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with metric? I can suggest the ones about metro and measure.
- Americans do use the metric system... Because they use 9mms at school.
- Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!
- America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
- Why won't the U.S. switch to the metric system? There would be mass confusion
- America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch
- Why doesn't the US use the metric system? Because they can't stand foreign rulers.
- You give Americans an inch... And they'll invent their own metric system.
- I lost 80 pounds last week I simply switched from imperial to metric
- An American lost a lot of weight When he switched to metric system
- America is approaching metric system... ...inch by inch.
- Why don't podiatrist use the metric system? Because they get paid by the foot.
- Why don't Europeans have foot fetishes? they use the metric system
- Imagine the US switched to the metric system. Everyone would be kilogramming your mom.
- Why don't anarchists accept the metric system? They refuse to have liters.
- The USA is changing to the metric system... Inch by inch
Metric System Jokes
Here is a list of funny metric system jokes and even better metric system puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are two kinds of countries Those who use the metric system, and those who have their flag on the moon.
- To all of you who say I'm "obsessed with the metric system" Don't judge me until you've walked 1609 metres in my shoes.
- Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system... You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.
- Americans will never switch to the metric system It keeps getting struck down by the Supreme Quart.
- My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date… I can't wait to metre
- Metric system isn't popular in the United States? Nonsense, just look how popular are two-liter bottles and nine-millimeter bullets
- There are two types of countries on this planet ones that use the metric system and the one that got to the moon
- British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system. But I've never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…
- People really need to start calling out US imperialism. I can't believe they haven't switched to the metric system yet.
- School in US would be 10 times easier if we use metric system, 12 times harder if we don't.
Playful Metric Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about metric you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mitt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make metric pranks.
Why Americans don't use metric?
f**...
The wizard of oz was imperial.
Bit the Wizard of CC was metric.
My metric converter brings all the boys to the..
91.44cm
Useful Metric Equivalents
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipede = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
Edit - formatting
I love the metric system.
It's the best by an absolute 1.6km
How do we know that Darth Vader is American?
Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March
How did Europe feel after switching to the metric system?
Defeeted
Are you a metric unit of velocity?
Because you make me want to km/s
I wish I was the Metric System....
Because I really wanna km/s.
Why does North Korea use the metric system?
How else will they have a Supreme Liter?
What's the metric version of 69
181
How are the British taking to the Metric System?
Inch by inch
I know of someone who uses the metric system
I really want to metre
Nearly every country in the world uses metric, except for America...
because America has a f**....
We Americans know how to embrace the metric system
I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."
All of my European friends tell me I have a f**....
I tell them, I'll never understand the metric system.
Why hasn't America converted to metric?
Because the changeover would have been to in-tens.
When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.
But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.
I was in London last summer
I was in London last summer, and I got food poisoning. I lost 6 kilograms. See a lot of Americans don't understand that because it's metric. But I did the math, and 6 kilograms is over $720,000 in c**....
You know what they call a f**... in Paris?
They got the metric system, they wouldn't know what the h**... a foot is.
What's a military?
The only Mili Americans will use before metric.
I told the architect that the pool should be 6 feet deep
But he was working in metric and just couldn't fathom it
"Hey, aren't you a poetic metric characterized by a short syllable followed by a long, stressed syllable?"
"iamb"
