The Best 18 Metre Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Metre jokes. There are some metre kilometre jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these metre kilometer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Metre Jokes and Puns

I just got a new personal best in the 100 metre sprint!

73 metres.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen.

Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.

Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!

Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

Metre joke, Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

Girl: "My first time having sex was a lot like the 100 metre dash..."

Boy: "What, over in ten seconds?"

Girl: "No, eight black men and a gun."

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong


Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek...

Einstein volunteers to be it so he closes his eyes and counts to 30. As he is counting, Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton draws a square (1x1 metre) and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around and sees Newton. He says, "Newton, you're it. I found you." But then Newton says, "No, you found one Newton over a square metre; therefore, you've found Pascal!"

My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date…

I can't wait to metre

Metre joke, My online gf is teaching me the metric system on our first real date…

I saw a man 3 foot 3 outside my house looking for my utilities readings

Turns out he was the metre man

An couple of Swedish jokes

What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?

- No smoking allowed.

Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?

- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.

Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?

- so he could roll the window down in case it gets too hot.

What does a Norwegian calculator say you if you enter 1 + 1?

- please wait...

ME: Dial 999. Police, please

POLICE: Police

ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.

POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.

ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.

POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.

Have you heard they have slashed production of many office supply items.

Especially metre rulers, they won't be making them any longer.

You can explore metre timbuktu reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean metre centimetres dad jokes. There are also metre puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Ukraine is opening a theme park in Chernobyl.

It's like Disneyland, except the 2 metre mouse is real.

Flat earthers are not very fond of the 2 metre distanceing

They claim its pushing some of their members over the edge.

I know of someone who uses the metric system

I really want to metre

The Chuckle Brothers hold the record for the World's biggest sheep

They've got a 2 metre ewe.

Where do you take a girl who's 100cm tall on a date?

You metre in the park

Metre joke, Where do you take a girl who's 100cm tall on a date?

What is white and in the Olympic 100 metre track final?

The lines.

Newton and Pascal play Hide and Seek

So Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek with some other kids. When they go off to hide Newton draws a metre square around him. Another person spots him and says, "I found you Newton!" and Newton says "I'm a Newton over a metre squared so I'm a Pascal!".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the metre infinite jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working metre mile piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes