The Best 57 Method Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Method jokes. There are some method administrators jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these method manner puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Method Jokes and Puns

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

Berry good

Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberries. So one farmer says Mrs. Thompson, do you put cow manure on your strawberries. She replied, No, I either eat them plain or add sugar and cream.

What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!

They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

jokes about method

A clinic was trialling a new, cheap way to numb a patient for surgery.

The new method involved blunt force trauma to the patient's head.

The strategy was such a success that people would line up around the block to receive the new anaesthetic.

A man asked the doctor what the line was for.

The doctor replied "that's the punchline."

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

What is the bass players preferred method of contraception?

His personality.

Method joke, What is the bass players preferred method of contraception?

What is a Statistician's preferred method of killing people ?

Poisson Distribution

Three foreign actors applying for the part of an angry man are asked to call out their numbers. First one goes "Me first actor", second one goes "Me second actor". The third one smashes all furniture and goes...

"method actor"

Potty Training

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

You can explore method organisms reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean method analysts dad jokes. There are also method puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If your method of birth control is abstinence...

...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble.

"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."

The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."

The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.

He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"

What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune?

Start out with a large fortune.

Han and Leia never planned on having a baby. They decided their form of birth control would be the pull-out method.

But Han shot first.

Aren't some of the methods used to kill people on death row...

...absolutely shocking

Method joke, Aren't some of the methods used to kill people on death row...

What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

At school we were always taught the pull-out method doesn't work...

...but like many teenagers, it hasn't stopped the UK trying anyway.

In my free time I help blind children

I usually find throwing pencils is the most efficient method

Only 1% of population uses the labels on clothes to check washing method

The remaining 99% believes that the label is to see where the back side is.

Today I got fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator...

Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...

I've developed a FOOL-PROOF, GUARANTEED method to lose 5 pounds or more in only MINUTES, and to keep it off PERMANENTLY!!!

Find out more in my new book, "The Idiot's Guide to Self-Amputation."

I just found out about this method that fastens two things together.

It's riveting stuff.

Good choice.

Me: To make a woman laugh is the second best method to get her to sleep with you.

Her: And what is the best method?

Me: Chloroform.

Her: You are funny!

Me: Good choice.

What's the best method of bookkeeping?

Never lend them.

What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill?

Walking....

Jk, rolling

Method joke, What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill?

My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....

we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.

What is the Pope's preferred method of payment?

Papal

Many people think you can't get pregnant when using the pull-out method...

But that's a missed conception

Laughter is the 2nd best

Boy:- Laughter is the 2nd best method to convince a girl to have sex..
Girl:- What's the 1st one??
Boy:- A Knife.
Girl:- HaHaHa, you're funny..
Boy:- Good choice

What is the preferred method of birth control in Wakanda?

Wakandams.

Did you see the new method invented to dry berries?

I thought I'd keep everyone updated on currant events.

What do you call people whose birth control method is pulling out?

Parents

My friend accidentally discovered a foolproof method of getting instant long lashes.

He smoked a joint in Saudi Arabia.

I'm trying the cry it out method to get my kids sleeping, but it's not working...

I've been crying for three hours straight and they're still awake.

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.

What is an assasin's favourite cryptocurrency payment method?

Hitcoin

I hope my girlfriend likes this new, quirky method that I've devised to pleasure her.

Fingers crossed.

What do you call a couple using the pull out method?

Parents!!

Has anyone tried the Stop and Go method when it comes to masturbation?

I tried it once and got arrested at a red light

100% effective method on quitting smoking

1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting

My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes.

He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

Have you guys heard about this new birth control method?

It's a rock. You put it in your shoe, it makes you limp.

Distribution of collection money

A pastor, a priest and a rabbi discuss how they split up the collection between themselves and god.

Said the pastor "I draw a circle on the ground, then I throw the money in the air. What falls in the circle is mine, what's outside is god's".

Said the priest "I have a similar method, I draw a circle and throw the money, but what falls outside is mine, what's in the circle is god's".

Said the rabbi "My system works along the same lines, but I omit the circle. I just throw the money in the air, and what god needs, he's gonna keep, what falls back down is mine".

A math student invented a new method of making liquor, using electromagnetics to distill alcohol.

Proof by induction.

What method is used to give birth to baby pirate?

Sea-section.... Arrrrrgh

My neighbour always seems to hang up his laundry on sunny days, but never on rainy days.

One day I decided to ask him how he always knew which days to hang his laundry.

"Well," he explained, "if I wake up and my wife is lying on her side, I know it's going to rain and I shouldn't hang my laundry. If I wake up and she's lying on her front, I know it's not going to rain and I should hang my laundry."

"That's a very interesting method," I replied, "but what if she's lying on her back?"

"Ah, those days," he said, "I have better things to do than laundry!"

What's a sure-fire method to figure out precisely how many grams a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

What do you call couples who use the rhythm method for birth control?

Parents.

As a scientist, I received a lot of praise for figuring out a new method of getting drugs to enter cells more effectively and efficiently.

As a prisoner, I received another 2 years on my sentence.

The best method of passive aggressiveness is simply to include the person's name at the end of your sentence,

Kathy.

What do you call couples that use the rhythm method as their preferred form of birth control?

Parents

What did Method Man say when he got a glass of orangeade?

Woo! Tang!

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.

The Christian says "a firing squad would be painless. I choose that." In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.

The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad." *Bang*. He, too, is killed.

The warden says to the Jew, "and how do you want to die?"

And he responds "old age".

Two dairy farmers are in a bar talking shop.

Dairy farmer 1: I've discovered a method of making cheese that results in 100% curds.

Dairy farmer 2: no whey!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the method equations puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working method actively piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes