Meter Jokes
110 meter jokes and hilarious meter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about meter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Meter jokes are the perfect way to make light of the most common measurement tools. Read a selection of witticisms related to topics such as smart meters, parking meters, water meters, blush meters, meter maids, meter readings and more. Have a laugh as you learn more about metric units of measurement such as height, kilo and more.
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Funniest Meter Short Jokes
Short meter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The meter humour may include short metro jokes also.
- Is it OK to hate certain races? Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.
- I met a girl at a club the other night who said she'd show me a good time and incredibly, when we got outside... She ran a 40-meter dash in just 4.5 seconds.
- Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters? Because then it would be .3048 Meters.
Some jokes just don't translate well. - If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose? I'd pick the 400 meters, it's too long for a sprint and it's too short to be a true endurance race.
- I am sick of this pandemic and the 2 meter distancing. I can't wait until its over so I can go back to my usual 15 meter distancing.
- My friend wanted me to meet someone so I could learn about the metric system. I said I didn't want to meter.
- Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.
- A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?
A: Because deep down they are really nice. - I am totally not a racist but... Compared to all the others types of races, I think the 400 meter hurdles present the most barriers for track athletes.
- What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long? A π thon
Happy pi day. #dadjokes
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Meter One Liners
Which meter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with meter? I can suggest the ones about measure and mile.
- What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long? A πthon
- Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter
- How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
- What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh
- Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from 100 meters away.
- My new record in a 100 m sprint Is 52 meters.
- My son asked if there is anything he shouldn't buy at a yard sale. I said Meters.
- What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake? Aπthon
- Is it bad that I hate certain races...? Because the hundred meter dash really irks me.
- How do the French Train for War? The 100 Meter Sprint
- Only America's dogs have 4 feet. Dogs all over the rest of the world have 1.22 meters.
- What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long? A Pi-thon
- What happened to the frog who didn't pay the parking meter? He got toad.
- If the US would switch from inches to meters We'd have a lengthy discussion
- What do they use to track Olympic swimmers' speed? A speedo meter.
Parking Meter Jokes
Here is a list of funny parking meter jokes and even better parking meter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jewish house on Christmas You know if a house is Jewish on Christmas if there's a parking meter on the roof.
- Today, Ronald McDonald put a quarter in my expired parking meter ... what a kind jester!
- What does a Jew do to make them love Christmas? Install a parking meter on the roof.
- How do jews celebrate Christmas? By installing a parking meter on the roof.
- How do Jews celebrate Christmas? They put parking meters on their roof.
- Two dogs were walking by a parking meter The first dog said,
"Would you look at that, a pay toilet." - One time, I took acid and saw all these lollipops coming out of the ground. Then I chipped a tooth on a parking meter.
- I was almost given a parking ticket... But I refilled the meter just in the nickel of dime.
- Why doesn't santa come to Jews on Christmas? They put parking meters on the roof
- Yo mamma so s**..., she put a quarter in the parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.
Meter Dash Jokes
Here is a list of funny meter dash jokes and even better meter dash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call several blonde hair blue-eyed men doing the 100 meter dash? The superior race
- Even though we're progressing, we really need to get rid of certain races. Such as the 800 meter dash.
- I lost my virginity like I lost the 100 meter dash. Slowly.
- A good time I met a girl at the bar and she said she'd show me a good time. So we went outside, and she ran the 100 meter dash in 10.53 seconds.
- I don't see why people dislike racial diversity I'm getting bored of watching the 100 meter dash.
- What do you call a pornstar that comes in last place in the 100 meter dash? Slow poke.
- 100m Dash A girl says to her friend "The last time I had s**... was like the 100 meter dash"
Her friend says "What, over in 6 seconds?"
"No, with 8 black men and a gun."
Water Meter Jokes
Here is a list of funny water meter jokes and even better water meter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dear TAG heuer .. I'm pretty sure that if I end up 500 meters under water, I won't need a f**...' watch anymore.
Hilarious Fun Meter Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about meter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make meter pranks.
A physics Joke
So Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn't move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt.
After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, "Found you Newton! That was easy"
Newton says; "No you didn't. You found Pascal"
He points down to the square in the dirt. "One Newton per meter squared"
There once was a gasman named Peter...
Who, one day while reading the meter
Used a match for a light
He blew out of sight
And as anyone who knows anything about poetry will tell you, he also ruined the meter.
My s**... Life
My s**... life is like the Olympiad 100 meter run
-Why, over in 10 seconds?
Nope, 8 black men and a gun.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...
Einstein is seeking, so Pascal runs to go hide. Newton stays where he is and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square in the dirt and stands in the middle of it. Einstein turns around and immediately spots Newton. "Newton!" he exclaims "I found you!"
Newton smiles and replies "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
scientific joke
Scientists were playing hide and seek. Einstein was seeker.
Amongst the other scientists, Newton did not hide and stood in a 1 meter square.
Einstein: I found you Newton, I-spy
Newton: I am not Newton, as I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am newton per meter square: I am Pascal
!@#$%^&*()
Einstein, Sir Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seem
Pascal, Sir Issac Newton and Einstein are playing hide and seek and its Einstein's turn to seek so he turns around and starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Newton only takes a few steps, stops and draws a one meter by one meter box around him. Einstein finishes counting and turns around and says "Newton I found you!" Newton responds by saying "No Einstein you found a Newton over one square meter, you found Pascal!"
Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."
Nerd joke.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...
Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
In Europe it's called fruit by the 1/3rd of a meter.
My local gadget store has a great deal on devices that measure electric charge, but it's too far to walk.
It's a coulomb meter.
Limericks by Jenny
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!
What's a dinosaur's favourite poetic meter?
Ptero-Dactyls
I heard about a woman who doesn't use her feet...
I really want to meter.
Three econometricians went out hunting and came across a large deer.
The first econometrician fired, but missed by one meter to the left. The second econometrician fire, but missed by one meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
I've got a hot auntie that works for the electric board.
Do you wanna meter?
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
4/3/4/3 iambic meter isn't unusual
It's actually common.
Written on the Bathroom Wall...
*Here I sit
Broken-hearted
Tried to rhyme
Couldn't even get the meter right.*
A 3.14 meter long snake !
What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake ?
- a "Py"thon
What do you call a 43 kilometre long snake ?
- a marathon !
My parents are mixed race...
Dad prefers the 100 meter, but Mom is a real fan of the marathon.
This is a Science Joke: Boyle, Pascal and Newton wanted to play Hide and Seek
So Boyle closed his eyes and started counting, Pascal went to hide, and Newton just stood there and drew a square with a side of 1 meter.
When Boyle opened his eyes, he found Newton, and said "Newton I found you".
To which Newton Replied: "No I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal, Because Pa=N/m^2 "
What's the distance between South Korea and North Korea?
One Supreme meter
When are there 5 feet in a meter?
In Iambic pentameter!
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.
Einstein, the seeker, turns around and begins his count to 50. Pascal immediately runs off. Newton, however, takes a marker and draws a meter-by-meter square on the ground. When Einstein finishes his count, he turns around and sees Newton standing in his square. When Einstein exclaims that he found Newton, Newton responds with, "No, one Newton over a square meter is a pascal!"
Three statisticians go out hunting...
and come across a large deer.
The first statistician fires, but misses by a meter to the left.
The second statistician fires, but also misses, this time by a meter to the right.
The third statistician doesn't fire, but starts shouting in triumph "We got it! We got it!"
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
What did the Indian woman say to the three meter drape?
You'll be sari.
A doctor, a lawyer and a statistician go hunting.
After a while they spot a deer. The doctor shoots first missing the shot by a meter to the left. The lawyer proceeds to shoot and misses the shot by a meter to the right.
That's when the statistician throws his gun to the ground, start jumping and cheers "Yaaaayy, we hit it!!!!"
Three statisticians
go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, We got it!
I took my old computer to a computer repair shop
I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"
Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"
Me: How much acceleration would it need ?
Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.
How do you tell how angry your girlfriend is at you?
Check the humadatme meter.
I went to the gym the other day to check out their new 10 meter barbells
When I got there, the queue was going all the way out the door.
I decided to go home instead, it wasn't worth the long weight.
I named my glucose meter Santa
because it knows if I've been bad or good.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek, with Einstein seeking. As he counts down, Pascal goes and hides in the bushes but Newton stands in front of him, takes out a piece of chalk, and draws a square around himself on the ground. When Einstein reaches 0, he looks up and sees Newton and declares, "I've found Newton!"
Newton replies, "No you haven't. You've found one Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
My girlfriend is happy the metric system was invented
Otherwise I'd have never meter
I have a friend who's really into measurements.
You guys really should meter.
What do you use to tell how fast an Olympic swimmer is going?
A speedo meter
My first time having s**... was like the olympic 100 meter sprint.
Not because it was over in 10 seconds, but because it included 8 black men and a gun.
Did you know that they don't make meter sticks any longer?
Because if the made them any longer, it wouldn't be a meter.
The Gryffindor trio went for a roadtrip.
Halfway there, Harry realised him being the driver forgot to check the meter.
"What were you thinking?", Ron & Hermione exclaimed.
*"Expecto Petroleum?"*
The cab
A Jewish guy in New York City is in a cab. The cab is going down the street when the cabbie sees a guy on the sidewalk mugging a woman. The guy is hitting her and trying to grab her purse. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.
The Jewish guy rolls down the window and yells, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!"
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek.
Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand.
He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"
Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter.
You've found Pascal!"
Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.
Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.
Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"
The safety distance of 2 meters has been hard for the people in Finland.
Luckily, when it's over, we can return to the usual 10 meter distancing.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn to be it.
Pascal is nowhere to be found, but Newton draws a 1m X 1m square right in front of Einstein and stands in its centre.
Einstein says, Newton, you're terrible! I found you right away!
Newton replies, No, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
Most blocks in Minecraft are one square meter. Where in Minecraft can you find a block that has only two square feet?
Whichever one the player's standing on.
Newton, Einstein and Pascal meet in Heaven.
They're bored, so Einstein suggests they play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting to 10. Pascal runs to find a good hiding spot, Newton on the other hand stays in place. He draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square with chalk on the ground and stands in it. Einstein finished counting, turns around, notices Newton and says: Ha, gotcha Newton! , but Newton just replies: Nah man, you got Pascal.
Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein is it, and he covers his eyes and begins to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't move. He leans down, scratches out a square one meter on a side, and just stands there, right in front of Einstein.
Einstein finishes counting, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton replies "No. You found a Newton in a square meter. You found Pascal!"
What do non-Americans call someone with a f**...?
A meter maniac..
Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters?
Because then it would be .3048 Meter!
Some jokes just don't translate well.
Newton, Pascal and Einstein are playing hide and seek
Einstein starts to count.
Pascal runs off and hides in a bush, while Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it.
Einstein finishes counting, turns around and sees Newton, "Ha, I have found you Newton!"
Newton however replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."
I use a voltmeter to check if the circuit is live before I start fixing it. However, today, my meter didn't work.
Needless to say, I was shocked.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together
Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.
It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.
Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einstein counted, and goes to the middle of it and starts to wait.
When Einstein reaches 10, he opens his eyes and immediately says, "Newton, I found you!!" he shouts.
Newton smiles and says calmly: "You didn't find me, you found Newton per square meter. So you found Pascal."