metaphor Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious metaphor puns

What do you call a really long metaphor?

It's like, a metafive

PS I made this up myself and I'm really proud of it


Whenever I tell someone I sleep like a baby they always seem pleased

I should probably find a different metaphor for waking up at 3am screaming, covered in my own urine.


What is a simile?

It's like a metaphor.


People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.


I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire".

"i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked

I said, "no, it's a metaphor".


I've got a horrible memory.

I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.


A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.

The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.

The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"


I finally saved up enough money that I could afford to listen to my heart.

It turns out that's just a metaphor.

Anyway, I have a stethoscope for sale.


Don't use metaphors when talking to kleptomaniacs.

They take things literally.


I met a girl called simile.

I don't know what I metaphor.


People say Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think its a fitting metaphor for his company's attitude to battery life.


I went on a date with a girl called simile...

But I don't know what I metaphor.


"Man, my sinuses are on fire!"

"An allergy?"

"No, a metaphor".


Some people say Steve Jobs died to early...

but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life


Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.

It really sets off my analogies.


Figurative digits

When is a 2 literally a 6? When it has metaphor.


A bad metaphor

is like a cucumber with a parachute.


Making an analogy that references itself is like good word play.

You don't do it anytime you want. You have to have a good reason to go metaphor.


Don't be afraid of a little metaphor.

It won't bite you.


When life throws you a curveball.. just dont know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor.


I once went out with this girl called simile.. was a waste of time, I don't know why I metaphor.


People say that Steve Jobs died too soon

But I think it was a fitting metaphor for his company's attitude to battery life.

-- Frankie Boyle


What's metaphor?

Describing data


Pretty sure Betsy DeVos said the grizzly metaphor because the 2nd amendment says,

The right to bear arms.


Jesus. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting some loudmouth who objects to an old metaphor. Luckily ...

I don't have a dog in this fight.


Using a smartphone is the prefect metaphor for getting laid.

It feels so much better without protection, but it's way riskier, and you probably can't afford the consequences.


People say Steve jobs died too earlier...

... I think it's a fitting metaphor for the iPhone's battery life


A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.


What's the difference between a simile and a metaphor?

A Simile is like a metaphor while a metaphor *is a Simile.


Fruit Joke Request

I'm writing a speech and I need help with a joke, was hoping someone here might have some good ideas.

Part of my speech is where I compare myself to a piece of fruit (currently a peach), using metaphor. I wanted to start out saying something along the lines of "Then I had the epiphany... I was just like this peach... no... I'm not (insert joke)"

The first thought that popped into my head is to say I'm not fruity, but I don't want to be offensive.

Any ideas? I prefer peach related, but any fruit would work.



My English teacher marked me down for using jerking off as a metaphor for self-indulgence

but I really think the court order was uncalled for.


I saw a girl called simile

I don't know what I metaphor


I metaphor...

...and she was ugly.


What's a metaphor?

Winning the game tournament!


I own a very wobbly vase that is a good metaphor for black people.

I just can't fucking stand it.


What are the most funny Metaphor jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Metaphor? Well, here are the best Metaphor dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Metaphor pick up lines to share with friends.

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