Metal Jokes
165 metal jokes and hilarious metal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about metal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out our selection of metal jokes about a variety of metals, from scrap metal to death metal, alkali metal and precious metal. Whether you’re a fan of Metallica or simply enjoy jokes about utensils and implants, these metal jokes are sure to leave you smiling.
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Funniest Metal Short Jokes
Short metal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The metal humour may include short steel jokes also.
- All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together. At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
- Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport? Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.
- Two wind turbines are talking to each other... One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other turbine replies, "Well...I'm a big metal fan." - Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
- In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal ruler.
Tough measures. - I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money
- Two electric windmills are standing in a field. One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?" The second one replies "I'm a huge metal fan".
- I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.
- I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network... ...and call it LinkedIn Park.
I'll show myself out now. - SPOILER ALERT: I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
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Metal One Liners
Which metal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with metal? I can suggest the ones about iron and rock.
- The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
- What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems? Megadebt
- What kind of music do wind turbines like? They're huge metal fans
- What are windmills' favorite genre of music? They're big metal fans
- What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band? Sleigher
- I was just at a lecture about how to fasten metal together. Riveting stuff.
- I once knew a blacksmith who didnt like metal... it was ironic.
- What do snakes use to build clocks? Metal Gears
- What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street? Slip not.
- Did you see the show about metal fasteners? It was riveting.
- Ever heard of that Hebrew metal band? Guns N' Moses
- What sound does a red metal rod make when it hits a white metal rod? *PINK!*
- What do you call someone who writes death metal instrumentals? A decomposer
- I don't always listen to heavy metal, but when I do... ...so do the neighbors.
- I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today It was a lovely discovery
Metal Music Jokes
Here is a list of funny metal music jokes and even better metal music puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two windmills are in a field. One turns to the other and asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
"I'm a big metal fan" the other one replies. - After a night of drinking, John walks into a metal bar The music was great and he hooks up with a beautiful blonde.
He awakes at the hospital with a mild concussion. - 2 windmills next to each other in a field, one goes "what kind of music do you like?" ... The other goes "I'm a big metal fan"
- The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival... Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.
- The plane turbine says to the candy... "What kind of music do you listen to?"
The candy says "Oh, I'm into rap. What about you?"
The turbine says "I'm a big heavy metal fan." - Why can't you improve the efficiency of wind farms by playing country music around them? Because they're really just big heavy metal fans.
- I am friends with a farmer and his windmill. One likes country music while the other is a big metal fan.
- I went to a wind farm and asked a windmill what it's favorite style of music is It said "I'm a big metal fan"
- What kind of music do mercury, arsenic and lead listen to? Heavy metal.
- What is a chemists favourite type of music? Heavy Metals.
Heavy Metal Jokes
Here is a list of funny heavy metal jokes and even better heavy metal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I started a new band. We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.
We're called Debt Metal. - Did you hear about that new heavy metal themed sandwich shop? It's called Pantera Bread
- did you hear about the guy stuck in a heavy metal box? don't worry, he's safe now.
- I just listened to a heavy metal band singing about norse gods Now that's what I call Ragna-rock!
- Why didn't the green onion enjoy the heavy metal concert? He was more of a rap scallion.
- My Best Friend Decided To Play The Tuba in Highschool He was just really into heavy metal
- A new heavy metal Christian Rock band has started up. They're called Nuns 'n' Moses
- They weren't pleased that I played I heavy metal song in the church but I resolved it on Gsus
- Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day They were definitely Down With The Sikhness
- I introduced a miner to some heavy metal. The Miner really digs the music.
Metal Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny metal band jokes and even better metal band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band
- So an IT guy is really bad at his job and decides to quit and start a Nu Metal band. It was named: System Always Down
- The special ed students made a metal band. It's called Syndrome of a Down.
- We're doing kids jokes? From my 10 year old this morning What's a bird's favourite band?
Metalli-CAH! (screech) - OJ Simpson has a new death metal band called: Black Stabbeth
- What was the Vegan Metal Bands name? Plantera
- What do you call a baby metal band? Ultrasound
- What is a 100-year-old's favorite metal band? Age Against the Machine.
- What's the one note a black metal band will never play? Gsus.
- My hearing impaired son has finally come up with a name for his own thrash metal band. Megadeaf.
Death Metal Jokes
Here is a list of funny death metal jokes and even better death metal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like my death metal like I like my coffee. Dark and with lots of Meshuggah.
- A metal band comprised of Chernobyl survivors 6 Finger Death Punch
- A baker was killed by a falling metal pan... you could say his death was filled with irony.
Ba-Dum-Tsss - A paperclip walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the pointy face?" The paperclip, incapable of human speech, forms a long, thin sliver of metal and stabs the bartender to death.
- What does an old rocker listen to? Near-death metal.
- What do you call Islamic death metal? Allahu Rockbar.
- Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary? He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.
- I've started planning for 2017 already: I'm going to record a Death Metal Christmas Album. I'm going to call it *Sleigher*.
- I'm thinking of starting a Death-Metal themed take-away joint that caters to Pirates. I'm gonna call it "Pizzas of Hate".
- We accidentally showed up to a death metal costume party instead of a cultural costume party. We came as Romans.
Scrap Metal Jokes
Here is a list of funny scrap metal jokes and even better scrap metal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Jewish kamikaze pilot? He crashed his plane onto his brothers scrap metal yard.
- Tom used to pick up scrap metal. Then the police started an investigation to find out why. It turned out that he was a forger. Makes cents.
- Why was a piece of scrap metal liked by everyone? Because it was ex-scythe-thing.
- I've found a new genre of music. It's a combination of heavy rock n' roll, hip hop, and folk music. I call it Scrap Metal.
Ridiculous Metal Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about metal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make metal pranks.
How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?
They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock?
He was cleared of all charges.
I hate going through airport security...
For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
Du Hast
German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"
The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."
I just couldn't stop watching the video about mechanically joining metal...
It was riveting.
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
An immigrant man was walking on the road
when he looked down, and was amazed by the shininess of a quarter he just found. He asked the guy next to him what the beautiful piece of metal was.
"Well sir, it's just common cents."
Toughen Up
I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so last night I went to the gym.
After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm s**... attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.
But don't worry. It's safe s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fine Bros can't sue metal beams,
Because they don't react to jet fuel.
I really enjoy fastening bits of metal together
It's riveting
Oh so you like metal? Name three blacksmiths
Will, Jaden and Willow
Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?
Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.
What is metallic and if enters through your eye can kill you?
A train
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
On Christmas morning, a man says to his seamstress wife "take this small metal bucket"
"as a thimble of my love"
What kind of metal was the Titanic made out of?
Zinc
Titanium is a most amorous metal...
When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.
Lot's of people know about Will Smith and rap, but did you know he's good with metal too?
Because he's a black Smith.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...
Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.
The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.
The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"
The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"
Why did the robot see a psychiatrist?
Because he had metal health problems...
A man walks into a bar with a little sliver of metal on his tie...
The barman says "sorry, we don't want your tie-pin here"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two different t**...
Doctor: You got two different t**.... One is made of wood and the other one is metal.
Man: * **surprised** *
Doctor: Do you have children?
Man: Yes, two - Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator will be 7 soon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
Why do nails bang their heads?
Because they're metal.
Metallica and Nonmetallica should come together...
To form a ionic band
What do you call a Metallica song after being transcribed?
Sheet metal.
I paid $3 for a block of metal yesterday
It was really quite the steel
I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.
But i didn't think it wood work........
so i decided to add some metal work instead,
but i realised it steel wooden work.....
I tired to impress a girl by putting the pedal to the metal
But she'd seen transhcans open like that before
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
What does a metal frog say?
Rivot rivot
A stranger gave me a really old metal box...
He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.
So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.
I went out in a thunderstorm carrying a metal pipe
What happened next shocked me
Have you heard the joke about the steel rod?
No? Let metal you.
What happens when you eat aluminium foil?
You sheet metal
I was supposed to pay $500 for a single chunk of metal
what a steel....
A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.
'What kind of music are you into?' asks the dam.
'I'm into trance', replies the solar panel.
'Ooh, too intense for me', dam says, 'I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.'
'What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?'
'Me?' He replies, 'I'm a huge metal fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Redditor accidentally trips and sets off an e**... in a precious metal mine. What's the first thing they say?
Holy c**... this blew up!
Uhhh thanks for the gold stranger!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My American Clock
A Russian immigrant comes to America, works hard and is able to buy for his very first home, a condominium apartment. So he throws an all night party with his friends to celebrate. One of his guests notices a hammer and a large metal p**... next to one of the walls.
What is that for? he asks.
His host says That is my talking American clock.
Really?...How does it work?
I will show you.
The host takes the metal p**..., places it next to the wall and bangs on it with the hammer till the next door neighbor yells: It's three o'clock in the morning you idiot!
What do you call a metal basketball player?
LeBronze
Ever seen a blacksmith join two metal sheets?
It's riveting
This time of year reminds me of that time I spent Christmas on the road ...
I stopped into a little diner for breakfast, and ordered the Christmas Eggs Benedict. The waitress came and delivered it on a shiny metal plate. I said, "This is fancy." She replied, "Well hon', you know there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
emos and goths should wear more gold
its pretty metal
