Messy Divorce Jokes
7 messy divorce jokes and hilarious messy divorce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about messy divorce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Rib-Tickling Messy Divorce Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What is a good messy divorce joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm in the middle of a long and messy divorce and I've decided that s**... is the only way out…
Now all I need to do is talk her into it…
Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
As I sat on the toilet this morning I was reminded of my first divorce.
At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork.
Sitting on the toilet this morning, I was reminded of my recent divorce.
At first I thought I thought I was in for a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork.
Two men discussing
Man 1: I'm getting married. I'm sick and tired of my messy apartment, dirty dishes and the lack of clean things to wear.
Man 2: Hey, I'm getting divorced for the exact same reasons!
A messy divorce ends with deciding who gets custody of Billy
The judge asks Billy Who do you want to stay with?
Billy replies Neither of my parents because they both beat me every day
The courthouse is in shock and both parents are clearly embarrassed, so the judge proclaims Well you can stay with your aunt then.
Billy says again No she beats me too, and my older cousin and my grandparents, they all beat me!
The judge thinks over with his advisors and they decide that he should be taken care of by the Cleveland Browns, because they can't beat anyone.
What doctors really thinking?
- This should be taken care of right away.
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
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