Messing Jokes
44 messing jokes and hilarious messing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about messing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tired of the same old jokes? Try something new with these mind-messing jokes that involve typewriters, Cisco, and trouble. Laugh out loud as you let these jokes take your mind on an adventure.
Funniest Messing Short Jokes
Short messing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The messing humour may include short messed jokes also.
- I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed
- George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity Just like one of his characters.
(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying) - My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine… So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she's sangria then ever…
- To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs. It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
- Mess with someone's mind Make your day more fun by going up
to a stranger and asking "Hey, how
have you been since the amnesia?" - People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.
- Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales 'Sure' replied the butcher 'once upon a time an ox…'
Sorry messed up title should read 'ox tails' whoops - I warn you not to mess with me! I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words.
- It's 'P' as in "Pterodactyl" I always say this to English learners just to mess with them XD
- If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants, I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.
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Messing One Liners
Which messing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with messing? I can suggest the ones about messed up and ruining.
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- If I had a dollar for every time I messed up the punchline To get to the other side
- I have three kids named Ctrl, Alt, and Del. When they mess up, I hit them all at once.
- I ran into my ex the other day. Cleaning the mess off my car was totally worth it.
- Judging by the mess in the living room. Babies don't bounce.
- You don't wanna mess with Kelvin. He's an absolute unit.
- The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order. We call her Miss Steak.
- How do they clean up messes at the Vatican? Papal towels.
- What did the baker say when he messed up his recipe? Dough!
- I was told to describe myself in three words... I replied with "always messes things up".
- I asked Siri, " Why do I always mess up with women?" She replied, "This is Alexa !!"
- I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor.. But I messed up the delivery.
- My mom keeps asking me who made a mess at the dinner table I spilled the beans
- My joke about negligence in the postal service isn't bad but the delivery is messed up
- Struggling to write a new joke about the Jonestown Massacre. I always mess up the punch.
Mind Messing Jokes
Here is a list of funny mind messing jokes and even better mind messing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I remember my boss once pointed to my desk which was a mess… He said that a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind. He wasn't too happy when I pointed out that his desk was empty.
- Eyelash surgery Mess up an eyelash surgery and no one bats an eye.
Mess up a brain surgery and everybody loses their minds - I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa! I'm way too high!"
-Bruce Baum - The Elves in Lord of The Rings look down upon anyone who is different from them. It's pretty messed up, they're so arrow minded.
- I was so angry the doctor messed up my lobotomy. I gave him a piece of my mind.
- ...therapist subliminally messes with clients mind ...on his door was this sign The**r**...**
Cheeky Messing Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about messing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fuss jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make messing pranks.
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
An inmate went messing, and his cellmate, a cannibal, claimed he had eaten him
The warden didn't believe him, so the cannibal finally threw up his hands out of frustration.
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
I keep slightly messing up my attempts at wordplay, I hope my eleventh attempt hits the mark......
....no pun in ten has.
I've been getting some odd pop up ads recently:
Hot older men in your area want to know if you've been messing with the thermostat
Locked keys in car…
On finishing up their round of golf O'Reily and O'Connor returned back to their car only to discover the doors were locked and the keys were in the ignition.
After quite a few minutes of messing with the door handles and thinking up the best way to gain entry to the vehicle, it all of a sudden began to cloud over.
p**... says O'Connor' look at those black clouds coming in over there. You'd better put the roof up or the seats are going to get soaked .
For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the f**... I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...
... I guess you could say I've taken up his mantel.
I've been messing about with my ouija board and i asked it if i was gonna get laid tonight.
The pointer keeps gliding between the H and the A. It's been half an hour now....
My buddy said I need to "get out more, stop messing around with computers and find a woman", but little does he know, I'm about to date a really hot ~20 year old server.
It's a Generation 6 Dell PowerEdge 1650 that I had to turn off because it burnt my rug and my best estimate is that it was made circa 2002.
What do you tell a Hockey player messing up with you...
... Stop pucking around
My m**... addiction and lycanthropy are really messing up my sleep.
I'm up all night tossing and turning.
A young man is out for his first date with an older lady...
It goes very well, and they wind up in the back seat of his car, messing around.
"Put a finger in me..." she whispers.
"Okay.."
"Now put two fingers in..."
"Okay..."
"Put *four* in, baby..."
"Alright..."
"Now put your whole hand in!"
"Urgggh...! Okay..."
"Oh, yes! Now put your other hand in!"
"Uhhhhhrrrrg! Whew! Done!"
"Now clap!"
"Rrrrggghhh!!! I... I can't!"
"Tight, eh!?"
My neighbor yelled at me for messing with his driveway
But it was his dumb asphalt
My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said dad, I think this egg is out of date.
I said stop messing about, just eat it.
He said but Dad it's really really out of date.
I said I don't care, just eat the d**... thing!
He said Okay dad, but do I have to eat the beak and feet too?
I have been secretly messing with people's spice racks...
You might not know it, but your thyme is cumin.
TIL you can get fired from a large American sandwich chain for messing up a single customer's order
Whoops, wrong sub
Why does the Easter bunny hide his eggs?
He doesn't want anyone to know he's been messing around with a chicken.
(It's the only Easter joke that I know)
Sleeping is the body's best safety mechanism
It keeps you from messing things up for 8 hours
TIFU by messing up my wife's Subway order.
Whoops, wrong sub.
I happened to be in court when I noticed a wrinkled old lady with grey hair sat up high...
I asked her, "You mind if I ask how old you are?"
She shouted back, "Thirty, love!"
I thought she was just messing with me so I replied, "No, really, how old are you?"
She yelled at me, "Forty, love!"
I realised then I should get back to my tennis match.
A woman wanted to hire a hitman to kill one particular cat that had been messing with her pet squirrel
She asks her friend Rob: "Do you know anyone I could hire to put this cat down?"
Rob: "Yes, I think one of my gaming buddies is in this business, but I would have to confirm"
Woman: "Oh, so what's his name?"
Rob: "I don't know his real name, but his gaming name is xX__PussyDestroyer__Xx"
IRS Scammer number, still works
They called me asking for money or I'll go to jail, here's their number, 1 (646) 233-3616. Have fun messing with them.
