Messed Up Baby Jokes

15 messed up baby jokes and hilarious messed up baby puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about messed up baby that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Messed Up Baby Short Jokes

Short messed up baby jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The messed up baby humour may include short bad baby jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend just asked me if I could wind the baby because he was messing about during a feed. I thought it was a bit harsh, so I just gave him a dead leg instead.
  2. What's the difference between a baby and a bag of popcorn? Popcorn doesn't leave a mess in the microwave.

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Messed Up Baby One Liners

Which messed up baby one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with messed up baby? I can suggest the ones about sick baby and ugly baby.

  1. Judging by the mess in the living room. Babies don't bounce.
  2. Let's not mess with nature.
    We are here to make babies.
    So, let's get to it.

Hilarious Messed Up Baby Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about messed up baby you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crying baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make messed up baby pranks.

A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...

It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"
"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."

My sister has this new guy

Totally bald, sleeps all day, if he's not sleeping he screams at her, she gotta cook his food, he doesn't work, doesn't clean (actually, he mostly just causes a huge mess), doesn't do anything, but she really loves him.
I have no idea what makes people love babies.

A young man is out for his first date with an older lady...

It goes very well, and they wind up in the back seat of his car, messing around.
"Put a finger in me..." she whispers.
"Now put two fingers in..."
"Put *four* in, baby..."
"Now put your whole hand in!"
"Urgggh...! Okay..."
"Oh, yes! Now put your other hand in!"
"Uhhhhhrrrrg! Whew! Done!"
"Now clap!"
"Rrrrggghhh!!! I... I can't!"
"Tight, eh!?"

Offensive warning

An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man are waiting at a hospital as their wives had just given birth. A midwife comes in and explains that the name tags have been messed up and they will have to work out which baby belongs to who. The English man, by right, goes first and chooses what is clearly the Pakistani child. When the baby's father points this out to him, he says I know, but there's a Welsh kid in there and I'm not taking any chances

Two babies are discussing their births at a nursery

One turned to the other and said "Mine was a total mess. How was yours?" "Ah," the other baby said, "At first it was really difficult but I managed to pull through."

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar. The first says "I'm I-10, baby! Atlantic to Pacific! Long and Strong. All day, traffic, truckers and they're flying along at ninty miles per hour. Cuz I'm the Best!" The other piece of highway snorts. "You got nothin! I'm I-95. Always busy! Always full and Always bringing the business! Semis! Tandems! All of it! Bartender! More whiskey!"
As the bartender is refilling their glasses, a small piece of gravel and dirt trail walks in and sits at the end of the bar. "Excuse me, Bartender? Could I get a cranberry juice?"
The first piece of interstate starts to pick on the little fellow. "Hah! Cranberry juice!?" But the other piece of highway stops him. "Hey, don't mess with that one man." "Why not?" Asks the other.
"Cuz he's a cyclepath."

A father-to-be was waiting anxiously outside the labour ward where his wife was delivering a baby.

A nurse came up to the man and said, 'You have a girl, but there's another one on the way, so come back soon.'
'Twins,' he thought, a little shakily. He went away and came back an hour later to be told that the second baby had been born, but there was still another on the way.
'Good grief,' he thought.
He went to the pub down the street, and after a beer he phoned in and was told a fourth one was on the way. He started to drown his sorrows. A few stiff whiskies later he called the hospital again, but was so drunk he dialled the wrong number - and got the recorded cricket score. Crying in agony, he collapsed on the floor, a poor, devastated, shuddering and weeping mess.
As the barman struggled to pick him up, he heard the voice from the phone say, 'The score is 88 all out. And the last one was a duck.'

A woman goes into labor with twins.

She all alone, no husband, but excited to meet her son and daughter. Unfortunately, she has a massive s**... during delivery and falls into a coma*.
She wakes up, miraculously, five years later! She has a million questions: are her babies ok? Who has them? How long has it been?! When she learns her brother took guardianship of her children, she's instantly worried. Her brother is an IDIOT! What kind of mess has he made with them?! God, what did he even name them?!
They bring in her kids. She tentatively asks the little girl, "What's your name?"
"Denise." The little girl offers. The woman is relieved. That's not so bad. It's actually kind of lovely. "And you?" she asks the boy.

The Most Gruesome Dead Baby Joke

What's worse than an abortion?
One dead baby.
What's worse than one dead baby?
Two dead babies.
What's worse than two dead babies?
A garbage truck full of 'em.
What's worse than that?
One alive at the bottom.
What's worse than that?
Having to eat it's way out to survive.
What's worse than that!?
Falling back in for seconds.
What could possibly be worse than that?
Turning on the trash compactor.
How do you clean up the mess?
With nacho chips.