Message Jokes
134 message jokes and hilarious message puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about message that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this article to find out some hilarious message jokes that you and your friends can send to each other! Whether you use message boards, mail inboxes, or even text messaging, these fun, lighthearted jokes will have you laughing out loud. Learn how to craft the perfect April Fools message, or discover how to cleverly convey a message fail. Enjoy endless laughs with these clever message jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Message Jokes
- Message One Liners
- Sends Message Jokes
- Text Message Jokes
- Message Board Jokes
- Hidden Message Jokes
- More Message Jokes
Funniest Message Short Jokes
Short message jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The message humour may include short communication jokes also.
- When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
- I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found. Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
- Girlfriend messaged me: "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative" What does 'ternative' mean?
- Just been challenged to a water fight by next door brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages..... even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj.
- My girlfriend just sent me a message saying, "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative". What does ternative mean?
- Tried to change my password to Twilight... ...but got an error message saying please re-enter as this contains too many useless characters :(
- What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Share These Message Jokes With Friends
Message One Liners
Which message one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with message? I can suggest the ones about inbox and chat.
- I messaged my ex on the day before my exam. I asked if she had any good cheating tips
- How do you get a secret message out of a cemetery? You decrypt it.
- What do you guys think of message boards? ....I'm all forum.
- What do you get when you receive a sexting message? A naughtification.
- A message from my late father... "Caught in traffic. Running behind."
- A message from a Canadian to all Americans out there.. I'm sorry
- My friend asked me what I thought about internet message boards. I said, I'm all forum.
- What do you call a Christian Mingle date who never returned your message? The Holy Ghost.
- Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex My ex
- How do cats send message across the internet? They e-meow each other
- How does a Ham Radio buff send a break-up message? Remorse Code
- Turn your phone upside down to read the following message. sapnu puas
- If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ... It's Spam.
- Nasa techs put some humorous messages on the Space Shuttle Transporter attach points
- What message did the farmer send up the grapevine? "Be raisinable."
Sends Message Jokes
Here is a list of funny sends message jokes and even better sends message puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey, why do you still work as a mailman despite having such a low salary? It's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
- I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl. I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.
- Why do mailmans work for so little money? It's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
- Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes... ... they are calling them "parallelograms".
- I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household. And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
- One of my friend recently started working as a postman I asked him why are you working for such underpaying job?
He said, "it's not about money it's about sending message" - My wife didn't finish her morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.
- I asked the mailman why he worked at such a low-paying job. He replied: It's not about the money. It's about sending a message.
- pH number. So a random person I don't know sends me a message on Facebook which goes like, "cn i hve ur pH no? :)"
To which I reply, "7." - A man walks up to a mailman.. He went beside him and asked him..
"Hey Carl, why do you still work as a mailman?"
The mailman turned to him.
"It's not about the money, it's about sending a message"
Text Message Jokes
Here is a list of funny text message jokes and even better text message puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Irishman text his Wife? "Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."
- My girlfriend told me I was one in a million My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.
- I text my wife tonight, "Honey, I'm going to stay in the bar another hour with my friends for another pint..." "...if I'm not back in an hour then read this message again."
- A woman texted me with the message, "Your adorable." I texted back, "No. YOU'RE adorable."
Now she's falling for me. I was only correcting her grammar. - Last night I was thinking to myself "I wonder how much Google really knows about me?" But then my Android phone texted me the message "not much". So I feel better now.
- A woman is calling her cell provider... Woman: I don't get my text messages
Tech support: Have you tried reading them again? - My heart sank when i received a text from my gf " I can't take this anymore,let's break up " You can imagine the tears of joy I had when i received a follow up message
"Sorry ,wrong number" - Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.
- Texting messages on the cell phone at 12 midnight ... - How are you baby?
- I am in bed and thinking about you … And you my dear?
- I am at a club … And sitting right behind you!! - I told my dad I was going for an eye test today He texted me afterwards asking "How did it go?"
Two hours later I replied, "Sorry, I didn't see your message."
Message Board Jokes
Here is a list of funny message board jokes and even better message board puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires "reddit?"
no i said i HEARD it - I recently joined an online message board for college students. Only because I heard girls like men in uni-forums.
Hidden Message Jokes
Here is a list of funny hidden message jokes and even better hidden message puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hidden Message help decode please!
- iPhone 7 hidden message to all buyers "j**..."
Humorous Message Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about message you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean conversation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make message pranks.
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
Why is everyone criticising EA?
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting)
So I'm on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his "now free to move about the cabin" message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says "Man I could really use a coffee and a b**...." The flight attendant runs to the cockpit to tell the pilot the mic was on, so I yell out "Hey honey, don't forget the coffee!"
British ship
So a British boat is sunk by a U-boat during world war 2
the British in distress send out the message- Help! Help! we are sinking!
the German U-boat picks up the message and says- What are you sinking about?
I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...
It s**..., because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
I got an email telling me that it was vegan month...
I felt bad putting the message in spam.
she can't open windows.
On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:
Windows frozen, it won't open
Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside
Five minutes later, wife texts back.
Computer's really s**... up now...
Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic..
Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it.
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
A dog walks into a telegraph office
He goes up to the counter and asks to send a message. It reads "woof, woof, woof." The lady says you know, for the same price, you could add another woof.
The dog gives her a confused look and says "but that would make no sense!"
How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
**One.**
**Germans are very efficient and not very funny.**
*Source: My co-worker.*
*I'm German and I approve this message.*
blond joke
A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"
This s**... Prevention message was brought to you in part by:
**Nike**
*"Just Do It"*
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Clerk says, "What's your message?"
Dog says, "Woof woof, woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "You know, for the same price, you can fit one more 'woof' in."
Dog replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense."
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
So, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend recently.
I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.
I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.
As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.
I Am Using Your Wife.
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Have you got a m**... addiction?
Message me, and we can beat it together
Boss sent me a message the other day
Boss sent me a message the other day: *Send me some funny messages*
I replied: *I'm working right now, I will send you later*
Boss: *hahaha..send me another one*
I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.
I couldn't get the message across.
You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?
If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?
You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
Wife and husband are in the living room.
She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone.
At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message.
Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen.
At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and see's a text message from her husband.
"Well, since you're in the kitchen, might as well make me a sandwich."
After s**... time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting?"
He replies "My wife. She says she's at the movies with you."
A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...
...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"
Trump receives a message
Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the FBI.
The Director of the FBI suggested Trump should turn the message upside down.
English navy ship is sinking...
They are sending message on the radio: "MAY DAY, MAY DAY!! WE ARE SINKING!"
A German ship hears their message and responds: " Zis is German Navy Ship. What are you sinking about?"
Were those peace times or war times, I cannot tell... either way it's funny :)
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative
Does anybody know what 'ternative' means?
Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey...
Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."
In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
A husband was sitting next to his wife while she was eating.
He heard his phone's message tone coming from the kitchen. He went to the kitchen and read a message from his wife saying "Please bring the salt on your way back."
*finds old Ouija board*
"I don't know guys, that stuff is dark--"
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"Spirits of the dead give us your message!"
W-E-H-A
"Guys--"
"Shut up"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U
"Guys--"
"Keep going"
W-E-H-A-V-E-U-P-D-A-T-E-D-O-U-R-P-R-I-V-A-C-Y-P-O-L-I-C-Y
Your wife is our hostage. You have 12 hours to send us one million dollars or we'll kill her!
Upon reading this text message, the husband responds...
My wife is actually sleeping right next to me, safe and sound but please tell me more about this deal, I may be interested.
The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?
Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.
My daughter's original joke: What did one phone say to the other?
Nothing, it left a message.
I tried to make my password "Beef stew"...
... but got the error message "your password is not stroganoff"
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.
When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .
When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.
Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**....
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
What message does a quantum computer have when you view an image?
"Do you want to save changes?"
A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.
Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.
My best friend was a chef. He called last week to say that he found a hidden message in his herb and spice rack. He was quite paranoid and later that day he was found dead.
I should have believed him when he said his Thyme was running out.
My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.
Unfortunately, my phone died right after man.
Urgent message to all older men...
There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have already lost four wallets this week. But you can buy cheap wallets at the dollar store.
When my parents were growing up it was pound not hashtag
Good thing it changed too because otherwise pound metoo would have sent a wrong message
R.I.P. dad
My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________
A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?"
"It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Says he wants to send a message.
"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"
"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".
Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense.."
My 6 year old daughter just said to me..
"Dad, don't you find it inherently dishonest when people fabricate a false narrative using children to make the underlying message more humorous?"
I dunno what she talking about. Kids, eh?
A man receives a message from a neighbor...
"Sorry, sir I am using your wife day and night. Usually, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital.
The next day he receives another message
"Sorry sir for spelling mistake, it's not a wife but wifi".
A Message to my Father: "You were never there for me growing up, but without you, I guess I wouldn't even exist. So...
Thanks for nuttin', Dad."
They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part
...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.
Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."
Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."
"Wow! How come ? remarked Dolly.
"Very simple solution... I don't sign the check!"
