Merry Jokes
118 merry jokes and hilarious merry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about merry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to spread some cheer! This article has a collection of jokes that are sure to bring joy and laughter to you and your loved ones this holiday season. From merry Christmas jokes to jolly and twerky puns, take a break and enjoy some light-hearted fun!
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Funniest Merry Short Jokes
Short merry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The merry humour may include short jolly jokes also.
- Is it "Happy Impeachment" or "Merry Impeachment"? I don't want to offend anyone.
Treason's Greetings and Impeach Navidad! - Knock Knock Knock knock
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna happy new year!
Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :) - What do you call an old snowman? Water...
\---
*Courtesy of my 8-year-old this morning. Merry Christmas!* - You're riding a giraffe and a tiger is chasing you.. What do you do? You get off the merry-go-round
- I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads: This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom
(Merry Christmas David Bowie!) - The Wi-Fi at my parents' house is really slow, so I hope this sends... but I just wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas for tomorrow!
- My first dad joke as a new father Fiance: "What's the difference between a carousel and a merry go round?"
Me: "I don't know but they have their ups and downs"
...it begins - How did the winter solstice defeat the darkness? With a little help from its merry friends and plenty of holiday cheer!
- Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India? We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas.
- Steve Rogers gets into Santa Claus's automobile... ...and is immediately shot dead.
RIP Steve Rogers.
He was capped in a merry car.
Share These Merry Jokes With Friends
Merry One Liners
Which merry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with merry? I can suggest the ones about happy holidays and happy christmas.
- Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you too, Team snapchat
- What do you call short people on a merry-go-round? A midget spinner
- Merry Christmas.. Or Happy Heineken, as the case may be ;)
- How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece navidad
- I'm not sure from which country is that happy soda... ... but it seems to be a merry can.
- What did Pippen do when he got drunk? He began to feel Merry
- What did the genetic engineer say on December 25th? Merry CRISPRmas!
- I was sat on a merry-go-round thinking... I need to start a revolution
- How do you call a bunch of dwarfs on a merry-go-round? A midget spinner.
- When asian people go on a merry go round... do they become disoriented?
- Merry christmas and happy new year! - Internet explorer
- I wanted to marry a melon but I cantaloupe.
2nd attempt because marry not merry - Do you love Christmas? Then why don't you merry it?
- What do you call a merry-go-round with a little person on it? A midget spinner
- How do you defeat Polish cavalry? Turn off the merry-go-round
Merry Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny merry christmas jokes and even better merry christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the anorexic cow take great offense when the farmer wished him Merry Christmas? ...because he was a moo-slim.
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia.
Merry Christmas. - The twelve days of Jokemas, day twelve What is Santa's favorite part of celebrating Christmas every year?
It's in the present
Merry Christmas everyone! - As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift... My dad remarked that this wasn't the kind of puppy that needed batteries.
Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas to all the paranoia sufferers out there.... Just remember, you are not alone.....
- What do you call an Elf that sings? A wrapper!
Merry Christmas.
I hope you got what you wished for. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - What did the Italian barista say when he received a new car for his christmas bonus? It's a merry car, no?
- What do you call a grasshopper that forgot the words to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?" A "hum" bug.
- I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with... He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone! - If you like Christmas so much why don't you merry it?
Merry Go Round Jokes
Here is a list of funny merry go round jokes and even better merry go round puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a person afflicted with cerebral palsy that likes riding on merry-go-rounds? A Fidget Spinner.
- The inventor of the ferris wheel never met the inventor of the merry-go-round They moved in different circles.
- What do you call an epileptic on a merry-go-round? A fidget spinner.
- What do you call Michael J. Fox on a merry-go-round? A fidget spinner.
- Why can't horses fix merry go rounds? They'd be terrified
- How do you stop the Polish army on horseback? Unplug the merry-go-round.
- First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round. - I want to get back on the merry go round… …but I'll need a moment of inertia.
Merry Xmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny merry xmas jokes and even better merry xmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo mama So fat I can stand on her belly and high five Jesus
-Merry Xmas - Why is it important to disinfect your console when you have the flu? Because then you have a clean xbox.
Apologies, merry Xmas all! - What do you call someone who would do *anything* for a chocolate snack cake? A h**... h**... h**....
(merry xmas!)
Great Merry Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about merry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cheerful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make merry pranks.
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
An Israeli Joke
An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."
Lost Shakespearean Soliloquy
Scholars have found an heretofore unknown piece of Shakespeare's "Merry Wives of Windsor" thought to be an homage to Aristophanes' "Lysistrata." It is a short speech by a s**... frustrated squire named Fullstaff.
It was Christmas day.....
and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
Question about a song:
Who is Phyllis Navi Daad and why are wishing her a Merry Christmas?
It was Christmastime, and everybody was feeling Merry.
So she went home.
Merry Christmas:2002
How do you know every Tickle-Me-Elmo is male?
Before each one leaves the factory they get two test-tickles!
Do you know how we know that Santa Claus is married?
Because he only comes once a year!
Merry Christmas.
P.S. I'm sure this joke has been told somewhere but just in case someone hasn't heard it.
Merry Christmas and Happy h**... idays to friends and oved ones c ose and far. B essings to you and yours this Yu e season.
This is my no-L greeting!
What's Quentin Tarantino's favorite Christmas Carol?
Django Bells.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!
What did Pippin Took do when he was drunk?
He began to feel Merry.
Q: What would Lewis Carroll call an abortion?
A: A very merry unbirthday.
My co-workers must be atheists because they hate when I greet them "Merry Christmas!"
It doesn't seem to matter whether I greet them from over or under the bathroom stall.
What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?
h**... h**... h**..., Merry Christmas!
What do you call a dog on the beach?
Sandy Claws
Merry Christmas
An honest lawyer, a happy santa and a merry elf find 100 $ how do they split it?
50 dollars to santa, 50 dollars to the elf, because there is no such thing as an honest lawyer!
How do you become a hobbit?
Eat, shrink and be Merry!
h**..., h**..., h**..., Merry Christmas!
This is what Santa Clause says when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room.
Merry Christmas!
If that's politically correct.
Drink, dance, and feel merry
Until Mary leaves
What do you call a bunch of angry europeans on a piece of land?
Ire-land
Merry Christmas and HNY
When Mary found out she was pregnant was it a miracle?
Or a Christ-is?
Merry Christmas!
What did Santa say in his Stat class?
Null hypothesis Null hypothesis Null hypothesis Merry Christmas!
A man goes to the doctors to find a cure for his lack of hearing
The doctor prescribed a hearing apparatus, and scheduled him in for surgery in December.
After the surgery was complete, the man asked the doctor if everything went well. The doctor responded, "everything is fine sir. We've run our tests and you're ready to be discharged. Merry Christmas, and a happy new ear.
My mate wished me a Merry Christmas earlier.
A bit early, yes, but he suffers from p**... congratulation.
Merry 4th of July! The difference between Uncle Sam and Santa Claus is...
Santa Claus gives notes with his presents... Uncle Sam takes note of your presence.
What do you call a traditional Indian monk who partakes in the devil's lettuce?
A Merry Jain.
Merry Christmas Month!
I found out Mike Tyson is Scientologist today...
I wished him a Merry Christmas ...and he replied "Thetans Greetings"
Ye old merry jokes
There are 3 milk bottles outside of a castle. 2 are full, 1 is half full. What's the name of the king?
Phillip the 3rd.
A couple went on a date in December...
He pulls out a ring and says, Merry Christmas!
So she took the ring and married Christmas.
Roses are red, violets are blue(ish)
Have a merry Christmas, unless you are Jewish.
Merry Christmas to you...and you...and you!!
If you came here for gold, shame on you!
I'm stoked to have my final college test of the semester tomorrow!
Wish me merry Xams!
Donald Trump on Twitter: "Merry Christm--"
[Status Update™ will be available after Government Shutdown. For more information, visit your Twitter® account settings.]
"I wish you a Merry Christmas!" said the lamb to the goose.
"Have a blessed Easter!" replied the goose.
Yuletide greetings to everybody in Panama ...
... Merry Isthmus!
Merry christma
NOT, ahahahhahahaha
Why do we say Merry Christmas?
We should say Happy 2018th Birthday Jesus!
Did you know Superman has a brother who doesn't celebrate Christmas?
His name is No-El.
Merry Christmas!
What did Santa Claus say the three prostitutes?
Merry Christmas.
How do you say Merry Christmas to a sheep?
Mehhh-ry Christmas!!!
What did the artificial Pokemon say after being greeted, "Merry Christmas"?
Mewtwo.
Merry Christmas for the whole world .
**Merry Christmas** for the whole world .
The merry widow dies and goes to heaven
When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was buried in Woodbank Cemetery and his last words to me were that if I ever slept with another man, he'd turn in his grave."
St Peter: "Oh right, whirling Ted Smith."
What did Santa say to the three prostitutes standing on the corner.
h**...! h**...! h**...! Merry Christmas!
I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...
Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my a**....
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Sorry, I suffer from p**... congratulation.
A Gentleman happening to turn up against a House to make Water,
did not see two young Ladies looking out of a Window close by him, 'till he heard them giggling, then looking towards them, he asked, what made them so merry? O! Lord, Sir, said one of them, a very little Thing will make us laugh.
I came up with a joke on Tinder. It was wasted on her.
Frodo, Sam, Pippen and Merry went to Kay's Jewellers. Frodo said to the jeweler: "We are all getting married this weekend, and we shall need 4 wedding bands!". The jeweler responded, "I'm sorry, we are almost completely sold out. The best I can offer is one ring to woo them all."
What does a drug dealer says at the end of the year?
Merry cryst m**...!
