Mercury Jokes
103 mercury jokes and hilarious mercury puns to laugh out loud. Read space jokes about mercury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We all know about the dreaded Mercury Retrograde, but did you know that elements, planets, and even gatorade can be named after the planet? Crack a smile with these playful Mercury jokes to bring some lightness to your day. Learn the lighter side of this element, planet, and retrograde as you read through these witty jokes about mercury, nobelium, sulphur, and other substances.
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Funniest Mercury Short Jokes
Short mercury jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mercury humour may include short planet venus jokes also.
- Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno mars all walked into the same bar. They didn't planet.
- The most toxic substances known to mankind. 1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community - Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.
- The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.
- If your Mercury is in retrograde, I have a perfect solution for your problem. Stop believing in astrology.
- In 1982 elton john attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards. Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.
- Mercurian day So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...
In other words - one Earth Monday. - Someone's written an album about thermometers... I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.
- I hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God I mean He's good but He's no Freddie Mercury.
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Mercury One Liners
Which mercury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mercury? I can suggest the ones about planet jupiter and meteor.
- What do you call the mercury mine? Hg wells
- Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury? HG Wells.
- What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth? Hg Wells
- Why do you die if you listen to too much Queen It has a very high mercury content.
- What kind of music do mercury, arsenic and lead listen to? Heavy metal.
- What does Freddy Mercury pack when boarding a flight? Carry on, carry on
- Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system? Because he found mercury in it.
- What do you call it when Freddie Mercury floats? Flam-buoyant
- What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common? Raw men took 'em both out.
- What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever? Mercury Rising.
- What's the most popular song at the new Freddie Mercury night club? Dancing Queen.
- Why does Mercury go up in a sphygmomanometer? Because it's under pressure.
- One day on Mercury lasts aproximately 1408 hours The same as one Monday on earth
- What planet would have the highest Indian population? Mer-cury
- How do Royal Thermometers Work? They use Freddie Mercury
Freddie Mercury Jokes
Here is a list of funny freddie mercury jokes and even better freddie mercury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.
- Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes he'd be making. He said I want to bake three.
- Did you guys hear about Freddie Mercury's bedroom furniture store? Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size.
- What did the priest say when Freddie Mercury was lowered into his grave? "This is the cleanest hole he's ever been in"
- Freddie Mercury actually had a son, but was more distant to him as time went on. His son started calling him Freddie Venus.
- I'm confused by the tributes to Aretha Franklin I thought Freddie Mercury was the queen of our souls..
- David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were on a road trip When one of their tyres blew out.
Turns out it was under pressured. - Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen? He could perform "Under Pressure".
- What does Freddie Mercury say when he plays hide & go seek? Can anybody find me?
- What would Freddie Mercury say, if he is dreaming about drowning in Orange juice? Is this surreal life? Or is it FANTA-SEA?
Mercury Poisoning Jokes
Here is a list of funny mercury poisoning jokes and even better mercury poisoning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You hear about the guy who died while listening to Queen for 24 hours? He died from Mercury poisoning.
- Eating sushi is a win win You get a nice, tasty snack AND there's a chance you'll die of mercury poisoning.
- What did the man with mercury poisoning say? It's 83 degrees Fahrenheit and 28 degrees Celsius.
- If you listen to too much Queen Do you get Freddie Mercury poisoning?
Mercury Jokes: Whisking Up Laughter on the Solar System's Smallest Stage
What funny jokes about mercury you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean curium jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mercury pranks.
Freddie Mercury was once out with a couple of friends.
They were having a good time, when he got up to leave. They asked him what was the matter.
He said he had some business to attend to at the local Bee Farm.
So they said
Bee's Mill, huh? We will not let you go!
Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.
"Why?" asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Freddie Mercury Joke
If you had s**... with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?
Freddie Mercury wasn't really a homosexual...
He just ran out of girls.
Daughter asked me, "Dad, who is your favorite Queen?"
I said, "Friddie Mercury"
And another one bites the dust.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats another term for h**...?
Mercury poisoning.
What do you call an equally dangerous and fabulous element of the periodic table?
Freddie Mercury!
What did Freddy Mercury have for breakfast?
Bacon and AIDS (I'm so sorry Freddy)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mercury curiously approaches the Sun with a question: "What kind of planet are you?"
I'm not not a planet," the Sun replies.
Amazed and confused Mercury inquires, "Then what are you? An asteroid? A *comet*?"
Already tired of the conversation, the Sun replies curtly, "I'm a m**...' star, boi."
I ate so much sushi today
My mercury levels were so high I knew the waiter's temperature when he brought the check.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when the thermometer breaks during your r**... examination?
Mercury is in Uranus
Why is Venus Toxic?
Because Mercury kisses the sun, Earth is courting Mars, and the other 4 already have a ring on it!
Why was the lead singer of Queen called Freddy Mercury?
Freddy Uranus would have been much better.
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
Did you hear about the guy who ate Mercury for lunch?
and Uranus for breakfast?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are hanging out at a bar, when one asks the other...
Mate, if somebody gave you ten million dollars to have s**... with Freddie Mercury, would you do it?
The other man, who is gay, says I see no downside.
The first man said: Dude, Freddie Mercury died in 1991.
The other one replied, Exactly.
I'm not impressed by Brian May's degree in astrophysics.
I heard he worked for years to make Mercury a star.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the original members of Queen are leaving for the airport, who's ready to go first?
Freddie Mercury, because his s**...'s already packed.
We love this organic, non-GMO salt so much my friend tried organic Mercury
It's so good he turned into an organic vegetable.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mum gave me a compliment today.
She said I will have s**... with the same amount of women Freddy Mercury had.
Brian May tried to get Freddie Mercury interested in space
But he was only interested in Uranus
What do Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna have in common?
They both died with skid marks on their helmet.
What did Freddy Mercury say when he was playing hide and seek?
Can anybody find meeeeeeee...?
Why did Freddy Mercury stay home from school?
He had a temp of 200 degrees Farenheit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Freddie Mercury transmitted h**... to someone...
...Was it considered Mercury poisoning?
A new movie about. Mozart's influence on Freddie Mercury is being made
It's called "The Magic Fruit"
TIL: Listening to Queen albums is one of the factors that might cause autism.
Possibly because of the high Mercury content.
My doctor banned me from listening to my Queen albums...
...due to their high Mercury content.
What do you call an Indian Freddy Mercury?
Freddy Makecurry
What is the coolest element?
Mercury.
(original by my 10 year old, when we were watching a Queen video)
What Stevie Wonder and Freddie Mercury have in common (except that both are musicians)?
They both didn't see it coming.
Isn't Freddie Mercury American?
That's why they call him Mr Fahrenheit.
I'm travelling at the speed of light
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy who got eaten by his own retrievers?
I guess Freddie Mercury was right; too much lab will kill you.
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
Must be the high Mercury content.
A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.
They have a high Mercury content!
Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.
"Why?" Asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
The Alternative Healer
A man has been sick for quite some time, and the many doctors he's seen can't seem to figure out what's wrong with him.
So the man decides to go see an alternative healer. While going through the initial exam, the man asks the healer,
"So doc, do you think I'll be okay?"
The healer replies,
"I don't think so, Mercury is in Uranus."
The man replies,
"Oh I don't believe in that astrology stuff".
The healer replies,
"Me neither, I just broke my thermometer".
