Mercury Jokes
109 mercury jokes and hilarious mercury puns to laugh out loud. Read space jokes about mercury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We all know about the dreaded Mercury Retrograde, but did you know that elements, planets, and even gatorade can be named after the planet? Crack a smile with these playful Mercury jokes to bring some lightness to your day. Learn the lighter side of this element, planet, and retrograde as you read through these witty jokes about mercury, nobelium, sulphur, and other substances.
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Funniest Mercury Short Jokes
Short mercury jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mercury humour may include short planet venus jokes also.
- Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno mars all walked into the same bar. They didn't planet.
- If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus Doesn't that make every country a third world country?
- My doctor said "I've got bad news: Mercury is in Uranus."
I said, "I didn't know you were into that astrology stuff."
He said, "I'm not. My thermometer just broke." - Freddy Mercury, venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar. But they didn't planet that way.
- The most toxic substances known to mankind. 1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community - Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.
- A man goes to the doctor... "Doctor, will I be ok?"
"I don't know, Mercury is in uranus right now"
"I don't do astronomy doc"
"Me neither, my thermometer just broke" - The Planets 71% water + 29% land = Earth
100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars
100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus
100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury
100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto
100% gas = Uranus - 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.
- If your Mercury is in retrograde, I have a perfect solution for your problem. Stop believing in astrology.
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Mercury One Liners
Which mercury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mercury? I can suggest the ones about planet jupiter and meteor.
- What do you call the mercury mine? Hg wells
- Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury? HG Wells.
- What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth? Hg Wells
- Why do you die if you listen to too much Queen It has a very high mercury content.
- What kind of music do mercury, arsenic and lead listen to? Heavy metal.
- What does Freddy Mercury pack when boarding a flight? Carry on, carry on
- Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system? Because he found mercury in it.
- Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen? Because of its high Mercury content.
- What do you call it when Freddie Mercury floats? Flam-buoyant
- What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common? Raw men took 'em both out.
- What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever? Mercury Rising.
- What's the most popular song at the new Freddie Mercury night club? Dancing Queen.
- Why does Mercury go up in a sphygmomanometer? Because it's under pressure.
- One day on Mercury lasts aproximately 1408 hours The same as one Monday on earth
- What planet would have the highest Indian population? Mer-cury
Freddy Mercury Jokes
Here is a list of funny freddy mercury jokes and even better freddy mercury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bruno Mars, Venus Williams and Freddie Mercury walk into a bar But they didn't planet that way
- I hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God I mean He's good but He's no Freddie Mercury.
- I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.
- I don't like it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God... I mean, he's great and good and all that, but he's no Freddie Mercury.
- Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes he'd be making. He said I want to bake three.
- Did you guys hear about Freddie Mercury's bedroom furniture store? Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size.
- Just heard about Kanye West covering Bohemian Rhapsody at Glastonbury. Let's hope he continues to follow in Freddy Mercury's footsteps. And dies of AIDs.
- What did the priest say when Freddie Mercury was lowered into his grave? "This is the cleanest hole he's ever been in"
- How do Royal Thermometers Work? They use Freddie Mercury
- Freddie Mercury actually had a son, but was more distant to him as time went on. His son started calling him Freddie Venus.
Freddie Mercury Jokes
Here is a list of funny freddie mercury jokes and even better freddie mercury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm confused by the tributes to Aretha Franklin I thought Freddie Mercury was the queen of our souls..
- David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were on a road trip When one of their tyres blew out.
Turns out it was under pressured. - Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen? He could perform "Under Pressure".
- What does Freddie Mercury say when he plays hide & go seek? Can anybody find me?
- What would Freddie Mercury say, if he is dreaming about drowning in Orange juice? Is this surreal life? Or is it FANTA-SEA?
- Did you hear about the guy who got eaten by his own retrievers? I guess Freddie Mercury was right; too much lab will kill you.
- Isn't Freddie Mercury American? That's why they call him Mr Fahrenheit.
I'm travelling at the speed of light - Isn't Freddie Mercury American? That's why they call him Mr Fahrenheit.
- What Stevie Wonder and Freddie Mercury have in common (except that both are musicians)? They both didn't see it coming.
- What do you call an Indian Freddy Mercury? Freddy Makecurry
Mercury Jokes: Whisking Up Laughter on the Solar System's Smallest Stage
What funny jokes about mercury you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean curium jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mercury pranks.
Freddie Mercury was once out with a couple of friends.
They were having a good time, when he got up to leave. They asked him what was the matter.
He said he had some business to attend to at the local Bee Farm.
So they said
Bee's Mill, huh? We will not let you go!
Mercurian day
So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...
In other words - one Earth Monday.
Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.
"Why?" asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)
A Freddie Mercury Joke
If you had s**... with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?
Freddie Mercury wasn't really a homosexual...
He just ran out of girls.
Daughter asked me, "Dad, who is your favorite Queen?"
I said, "Friddie Mercury"
And another one bites the dust.
It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism...
It's because of the high Mercury content.
Why did elton john have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?
They found traces of Mercury in him.
Someone's written an album about thermometers...
I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.
A recent study has shown that listening to too much Queen might be dangerous to your health.
It contains a lot of mercury.
You know, I heard listening to Queen has been scientifically proven to give people autism.
Apparently because of the unusually high Mercury content.
What did the man with mercury poisoning say?
It's 83 degrees Fahrenheit and 28 degrees Celsius.
TIL that vaccines contain a small amount of mercury, a chemical component that leads to autism.
-Idiotic Soccer Mom, 2k16
Mercury curiously approaches the Sun with a question: "What kind of planet are you?"
I'm not not a planet," the Sun replies.
Amazed and confused Mercury inquires, "Then what are you? An asteroid? A *comet*?"
Already tired of the conversation, the Sun replies curtly, "I'm a m**...' star, boi."
I ate so much sushi today
My mercury levels were so high I knew the waiter's temperature when he brought the check.
In 1982 Elton John attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards.
Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.
What happens when the thermometer breaks during your r**... examination?
Mercury is in Uranus
Why is Venus Toxic?
Because Mercury kisses the sun, Earth is courting Mars, and the other 4 already have a ring on it!
Eating sushi is a win win
You get a nice, tasty snack AND there's a chance you'll die of mercury poisoning.
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
Two men are hanging out at a bar, when one asks the other...
Mate, if somebody gave you ten million dollars to have s**... with Freddie Mercury, would you do it?
The other man, who is gay, says I see no downside.
The first man said: Dude, Freddie Mercury died in 1991.
The other one replied, Exactly.
You hear about the guy who died while listening to Queen for 24 hours?
He died from Mercury poisoning.
Listening to the Queen's album can be bad for your health due to high mercury content
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke
Did you hear about the new anti-vaxxer relationship counseling book?
Men are from Mars, autism is from Mercury.
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
Must be the high Mercury content.
Will I be ok doc?
I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now
I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff
Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke
A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who's gonna be who
RDJ said I'll be Beethoven and Hugh Jackman said I'll be Freddie Mercury and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said I'll be Bach
Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?
During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."
The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your a**...."
A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology c**..., doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
A man goes to the doctor
After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"
A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.
They have a high Mercury content!
An astrologist goes to a doctor
After a few tests he says "Doctor, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says "Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all."
The astrologist exclaims, "What?! You're actually right. I'm shocked that a doctor believes in astrology"
"Oh, not that." replies the doctor. "My thermometer broke"
Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.
"Why?" Asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."
Will I be OK, doc?
I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus.
I don't do that astrology stuff, doc.
Me neither, my thermometer just broke!
(Not my joke but I think it's worth sharing!)
"Will I be ok doc?"
"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
"I don't believe in that astrology rubbish."
"Nor do I !! My thermometer just broke."
The Alternative Healer
A man has been sick for quite some time, and the many doctors he's seen can't seem to figure out what's wrong with him.
So the man decides to go see an alternative healer. While going through the initial exam, the man asks the healer,
"So doc, do you think I'll be okay?"
The healer replies,
"I don't think so, Mercury is in Uranus."
The man replies,
"Oh I don't believe in that astrology stuff".
The healer replies,
"Me neither, I just broke my thermometer".
