The Best 50 Mercury Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mercury jokes. There are some mercury astronomer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mercury freddie mercury puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mercury Jokes and Puns

Freddie Mercury was once out with a couple of friends.

They were having a good time, when he got up to leave. They asked him what was the matter.

He said he had some business to attend to at the local Bee Farm.

So they said

Bee's Mill, huh? We will not let you go!

Mercurian day

So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...

In other words - one Earth Monday.

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie.

"Why?" asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

(Don't think it's been posted before,recieved it in an email and thought it was worth sharing.)

Mercury joke, Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a co

A Freddie Mercury Joke

If you had sex with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?

Daughter asked me, "Dad, who is your favorite Queen?"

I said, "Friddie Mercury"
And another one bites the dust.


What do you call the mercury mine?

Hg wells

It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism...

It's because of the high Mercury content.

Mercury joke, It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism...

Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism?

Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.

Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system?

Because he found mercury in it.

The Planets

71% water + 29% land = Earth

100% land + 0% Chocolate = Mars

100% land + 0% Fertility = Venus

100% land and lava + 0% Freddy = Mercury

100% land + 0% Dog = Pluto

100% gas = Uranus

The most toxic substances known to mankind.

1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community

You can explore mercury substances reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mercury astrophysics dad jokes. There are also mercury puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

If Earth is the third planet from Sun after Mercury and Venus

Doesn't that make every country a third world country?

You know, I heard listening to Queen has been scientifically proven to give people autism.

Apparently because of the unusually high Mercury content.

I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him.

His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.

Mercury joke, I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him.

Mercury curiously approaches the Sun with a question: "What kind of planet are you?"

I'm not not a planet," the Sun replies.

Amazed and confused Mercury inquires, "Then what are you? An asteroid? A *comet*?"

Already tired of the conversation, the Sun replies curtly, "I'm a motherfuckin' star, boi."

Bruno Mars, Venus Williams and Freddie Mercury walk into a bar

But they didn't planet that way

What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common?

Raw men took 'em both out.


What kind of music do mercury, arsenic and lead listen to?

Heavy metal.

I ate so much sushi today

My mercury levels were so high I knew the waiter's temperature when he brought the check.

In 1982 Elton John attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards.

Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.

What happens when the thermometer breaks during your rectal examination?

Mercury is in Uranus

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Two men are hanging out at a bar, when one asks the other...

Mate, if somebody gave you ten million dollars to have sex with Freddie Mercury, would you do it?

The other man, who is gay, says I see no downside.

The first man said: Dude, Freddie Mercury died in 1991.

The other one replied, Exactly.

You hear about the guy who died while listening to Queen for 24 hours?

He died from Mercury poisoning.

I don't like it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God...

I mean, he's great and good and all that, but he's no Freddie Mercury.

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health

The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all

The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff

Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke

What do you call it when Freddie Mercury floats?

Flam-buoyant

Did you hear about the new anti-vaxxer relationship counseling book?

Men are from Mars, Autism is from Mercury.

Freddie Mercury offered to cater my wedding, so I asked him how many cakes he'd be making.

He said I want to bake three.

Why do you die if you listen to too much Queen

It has a very high mercury content.

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen?

Because of its high Mercury content.

I hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God

I mean He's good but He's no Freddie Mercury.

Will I be ok doc?

I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now

I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff

Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke

Freddy Mercury, Venus Williams Williams Bruno Mars all happened to walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who's gonna be who

RDJ said I'll be Beethoven and Hugh Jackman said I'll be Freddie Mercury and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said I'll be Bach

Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?

During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury?

HG Wells.

A man goes to the doctor...

"Doctor, will I be ok?"

"I don't know, Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't do astronomy doc"

"Me neither, my thermometer just broke"

What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth?

Hg Wells

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury

No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says

"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"

The doctor says

"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"

The man scoffs,

"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"

"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

What does Freddy Mercury pack when boarding a flight?

Carry on, carry on

An astrologist goes to a doctor

After a few tests he says "Doctor, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"

The doctor says "Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all."

The astrologist exclaims, "What?! You're actually right. I'm shocked that a doctor believes in astrology"

"Oh, not that." replies the doctor. "My thermometer broke"

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Will I be OK, doc?

I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus.

I don't do that astrology stuff, doc.

Me neither, my thermometer just broke!

(Not my joke but I think it's worth sharing!)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mercury jupiter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mercury toxic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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