Merciful Jokes
8 merciful jokes and hilarious merciful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about merciful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Merciful Jokes With Friends
Rib-Tickling Merciful Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What is a good merciful joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
I once thanked a French guy to death
It was a merci killing
A guy murders his parents.
He is presented in front of a judge and he begs the judge to show mercy while delivering his punishment.
The judge says to him, "You killed your own parents. Why would I show mercy to you?"
The guy looks at the judge and says, "Well, because I am an orphan."
Who's your daddy?
A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee
It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit
"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked
"I have no job" he replied
"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"
"God will provide, I'm sure" was the answer from the intended
"And how exactly will he do that then?"
"God is merciful and will ensure we do not want" he said with all sincerity
"And how about if you have kids? Who looks after you then?"
"God will ensure he provides bounty for the whole family"
"OK, so you say, but exactly how will God provide this?"
"I don't know yet. God will move in his own mysterious ways"
At this point, the father gives up and leaves the house fuming, heading straight for the bar. there he meets his friend Dave who asks,
"What's up friend? You seem troubled"
"Well, I've just met my girl's new fiancé"
"Oh man, bad news?"
"Well, on the plus side, he does at least seem to think I'm God..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Prescription
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle
He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…
At the court: Please, have mercy! I have a wife and 3 kids!
I am sorry Mr. Brown, but you have served the sentence and paid your debt, you are free now.
The definition of chutzpah:
Is the man who killed his parents who asks for mercy from the court.
The judge asks On what grounds should we grant you mercy?
Man On the account of I'm an orphan!
This is a very old one.
#yiddish is fun
Share These Merciful Jokes With Friends