Mercedes Jokes
119 mercedes jokes and hilarious mercedes puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about mercedes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best mercedes benz jokes, mercedes f1 jokes, mercedes name jokes.
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Funniest Mercedes Short Jokes
Short mercedes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mercedes humour may include short luxury jokes also.
- My Dad got a Mercedes for my Mom this Mother's Day. He says it's the best trade he ever made.
- A man takes his wife out to dinner A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, "I want you to treat me like a princess." The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall.
- What does Africa hunger and a mercedes have in common? Princess Diana couldn't stop either.
- My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess. So I put her into the back of my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
- A man crashed his car A man crashed his expensive car into a tree... He finally found out how the Mercedes bends
- Like a princess A man takes his girlfriend out on a date, and as they are leaving he says "I'm going to treat you like a princess".
So they jump in his Mercedes and he drives into a wall. - Someone told me they wanted to be treated like a princess So I put them in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall.
- What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus? Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...
- Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner. She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.
- BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle... Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.
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Mercedes One Liners
Which mercedes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mercedes? I can suggest the ones about cars and mercedes name.
- Did you know that 80% of Korean businessmen have caddaracts? The other 20% drive Mercedes
- Can a toyota stretch? No, but a Mercedes-Benz
- 9/10 Asians have cataracts The 10th one has a Mercedes
- My friend ran into a tree with his brand new car... He found out his Mercedes bends
- A man drove his car into a tree. He found out how a Mercedes bends.
- Why did the woman drive her car into a tree? To see how her Mercedes Benz!
- Which kind of car is most flexible? Mercedes bends.
- I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.
- What's the last thing you want to find in your cat's hairball? Your Mercedes
- What's the common thing between Mercedes and iphone 6? Mercedes Benz...
- I crashed my care into a pole. I just wanted to see how the Mercedes Benz.
- What do you call a luxury car that sinks in the ocean? A Mercedes-Bends
- I crashed my family's car I've always wanted to see how a Mercedes-Benz.
- Doesn't matter how many CDs you have... Benz has Mercedes.
- What happens when you twist a car? You get a Mercedes-Bends.
Mercedes Benz Jokes
Here is a list of funny mercedes benz jokes and even better mercedes benz puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree, He said "Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"
- BMW and Mercedes used to make scuba gear... ...but eventually BMW was forced to shut down. People kept getting the Benz.
- Did you hear about the guy who crashed his car into a tree? He wanted to see how much his Mercedes Benz
- An expensive car got into an accident, so I turned to my buddy and said, "That's the way the mercedes-benz."
- Man to very beautiful airhostess:- "What's your name?"
Air hostess:- "Eva Benz.."
Man :- "Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
Air hostess:- (smiling) "maintenance cost is same" :D - They say that money can't buy happiness. But it sure is easier to cry in a Mercedes-Benz than on a bicycle.
- Crashed My Car Into A Tree... And I learned how the Mercedes Benz.
- What type of car does a washed up celebrity drive? A Mercedes Has-Benz
- Why did Thom York buy a newborn a Mercedes? Because baby's got the Benz.
- What did Thom Yorke name his 1995 Mercedes? The Benz
New Mercedes Jokes
Here is a list of funny new mercedes jokes and even better new mercedes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman? The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.
- A Prince buys his son a golden Mercedes for college in New York city. "But dad, I'm embarassed 'cause everyone here uses the subway."
"Well why don't you buy one for yourself son?" - I said to my boss "nice new mercedes" . He said.. .. "Well if you hit your targets, work hard, stay focused next year I'll be able to buy an even better one"
- What did Mike Meyers say to Eddie Murphy after Eddie bought him a brand new Mercedes? "DANKE!"
- Buddy of mine got a brand new Mercedes Benz for his Wife d**... good trade if you ask me.
Mercedes Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny mercedes name jokes and even better mercedes name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Black people usually name their kids after stuff they can't afford. Like Mercedes, Diamond, Hope, or Insurance.
- It's weird how people from the ghetto name their kids things they don't have or can't afford. Mercedes, Crystal, Lexus, Diamond, Ruby, Love, Harmony, Hope...
- Black people name their kids after things they will never have. Mercedes
Bentley
Diamond
Hope - Black people always name their kids things they can't afford La'Diamond, La'Mercedes, La'Phonebill
Fun-Filled Mercedes Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about mercedes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean technology jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mercedes pranks.
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s i**... to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!
If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.
A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.
The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."
Princess Diana Jokes
What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
What a dumb blonde... wait...
*Blonde goes into a bank
Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.
Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.
Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)
*Blonde leaves
Bank-teller(laughing): She's so s**...! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,000 loan.
*Bank-teller parks car in secret underground parking garage. Then he does research on the blonde and finds out she's a multimillionaire.
Bank-teller: She's an idiot! Why would she borrow $5,000 if she's a multimillionaire?
*Two weeks later
*Blonde comes back and pays bank-teller $5,000 with $15.41 interest
Bank-teller: Why would you borrow $5,000 and leave an expensive car here if you're a multimillionaire?
Blonde: Where else in New York City can you park a $100,000 car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it not to get stolen?
*
Two prostitutes were talking about clients...
When one of them points to the Mercedes across the street.
"You see that car, the owner afforded it because of me" she said with a smile on her face
"You know, that's not how it works, we don't give them money, they give it to us" the second said confused.
"Yeah, I know, before he met me, he had the money to buy a Ferrari"
A black guy was pulled over in his Mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs
The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."
h**... and the Jew
My grandfather gave me this book when I was younger, It is called The Book of Jewish Humor (or something similar). Here is one of my favorite jokes:
--------------------------------------------------------
During WW2, in Germany, a Jewish man was walking down the street. As ordered by the n**...'s, he was forced to wear a star on his lapel, to signify that he was a Jew.
Meanwhile, h**... had recently bought a new Mercedes, and was cruising around in his sleek new car. As he went down the street he decided to put his new car through its paces, and pushed the pedal to the floor. He was going faster than any other car on the road, and his protection detail had given up trying to follow him. All of a sudden, his car hit a puddle, and h**... lost control. As he careened off the road, he narrowly missed hitting the Jewish man, and instead ran into a building.
The Jewish man, seeing the car c**... ran to the scene, and quickly freed h**..., who had been trapped under his car. The instant he saw who it was, he gasped, and took a step back.
h**..., seeing the man who rescued him quickly went over and said
"Thank you so much for saving my life! I don't care if you are a Jew, you have rescued me and can have anything that you want, just name it!"
The man thought for a little while, and after a long pause said "Please, don't tell anyone..."
What happens when you drive an expensive German luxury car into a tree
Your Mercedes Bends
I bought a used Mercedes last week...
... and I'm really happy with everything about it, except that the windshield wipers always seem to leave streaks on the driver's side while the passenger side is spotless. I tried replacing the blades, but that didn't work. So I called the guy I bought it from to see if he had any advice, and all he said was "I noticed that too. I guess the glass is always cleaner on the other side of the Benz."
How can you tell a rich Swiss from a poor Swiss?
The poor swiss washes his Mercedes by himself
Why did the rich guy c**... his car?
He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends
A woman gets hit by a car...
looks like she got to see how the Mercedes Benz
My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess
The only thing is, I don't know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes.
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
Holy moly, Swear to god, Just met a girl called Mercedes Bacon. I had to come share this here.
How often do you meet your three favorite things in one....
P.S. the name is a true story, a girl that I just met.
A guy drove his expensive car into a tree...
That's when he learned how the Mercedes bends
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana?
The Mercedes can easily reach 40.
Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas
It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."
What's the difference between a pregnant nanny and a light bulb?
$138,457.26 and my Mercedes, for starters.
Did you hear about that rich kid who got a car for his birthday?
He drove it into a tree to see how his Mercedes bends.
Why don't Asians drive Mercedes?
Because they hate the thought of a C-class.
LPT: If you want to treat a girl like a princess, take her out for dinner or play with her hair (simple things can make anyone's day).
Alternatively you could pick her up in a Mercedes and c**... into a wall.
The man crashed his car into a tree...
That's when he realised how Mercedes bends
My girlfriend asked me to treat her like a princess...
so I got in a Mercedes and drove her into a wall.
What did the Queen buy Camilla for her wedding anniversary?
A weekend in Paris and a chauffeur-driven Mercedes
Man in Restaurant Sees Extremely Attractive Woman Sitting Alone...
so he decides to send her a nice bottle of wine. The waiter brings it and the lady looks at the bottle for a moment and sends a message back to the man.
It reads: 'For me to accept this bottle of wine you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a few million dollars in your bank, and seven inches in your pants.'
He reads the message, laughs, and sends back one of his own: 'Just send it back. I have a Ferrari, Mercedes, and a Corvette. I have twenty million in the bank and a house in Aspen, LA, and Miami.
But I will NEVER cut three inches off for any woman.'
My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess.
So I took her to a wonderful restaurant, put her in my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.
I know a pastor of a failing megachurch.
Poor guy doesn't know where his next Mercedes is coming from.
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road
Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."
Guys, I need dating advice...
Should I buy a BMW or a Mercedes?
The lawyer is painting his house, and a hobo comes around and asked if he could do something or in a few dollars.
The lawyer says, "sure, take a can of paint and go around to the back of the house and paint my porch."
The hobo does this and 15 minutes later comes back and says he's finished. The lawyer says, "already?" And the hobo says," yeah, but it isn't a Porsche, it's a Mercedes!"
A poor man goes to a rich person's house and says that he will do anything for $100
The man tells him: If you repaint my porch, I will give you $100
3 hours later, the poor man says that he is finished.
Seeing no paint on his porch, the rich man says: I'm not paying you, you didn't do anything
The poor man replied: Yeah I did, but it's not a Porsche, it's a Mercedes
Money doesn't buy you happiness
Buts it's better to cry in a Mercedes than cry on a bicycle
2 reasons why I don't take my girlfriend on rides in my Mercedes.
1. I don't have a Mercedes.
2. I don't have a girlfriend.
"I got her!''
A drunk old man gets into a taxi Mercedes E Class. After a short time, he asks, "Why do Mercedes cars have that on their bonnet?"
The driver jokingly replies, "It is there so I could aim pedestrians."
He accelerates sharply, narrowly missing out an old lady which was passing the street. After that, he heard a massive thump.
"What the b**... h**... was that??" the driver asked
The drunk man replies, "You missed her, I got her with my door".
A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.
The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.
The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.
The Russian then says: Well, we do something simmilar, we use Ladas for travelling inside the motherland, and tanks everywhere else.
Mercedes for Sale @ $1
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money receievd from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".
My Asian eye doctor
Since I am half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things, the eye charts, peering into my eyes, glaucoma test, etc. Finally, he sat back and said, "I know why you have trouble seeing while driving. You have a cataract."
"Bad guess, doc," I replied. "I have a Mercedes."
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Mercedes for Sale @ $100
Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it could be true so no one responded, but an old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 Kms, for $100.
She handed him the papers and the car keys.
Deal done.
As the old man was leaving, he said, "I shall die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?"
The Lady replied, "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where it's written that the money received from the sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary ..."
Three men die and go to heaven...
And God says,"You each get a vehicle but the amount of times you cheated on your wife,your vehicle becomes worse"
The first man cheated on his wife 8 times so he got a BMX bike.
The second man cheated on his wife three times so he got a Mercedes.
The third man never cheated on his wife so he got a Lamborghini.
A few days later,the second man who got the Mercedes goes to the one with the Lamborghini and sees that he's crying. He asks,"Why are you crying? Didn't you get the best car?"
The third man said,"I just saw my wife riding on the field with a scooter!"
