Mercedes Drivers Jokes
7 mercedes drivers jokes and hilarious mercedes drivers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mercedes drivers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Mercedes Drivers Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good mercedes drivers joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I got her!''
A drunk old man gets into a taxi Mercedes E Class. After a short time, he asks, "Why do Mercedes cars have that on their bonnet?"
The driver jokingly replies, "It is there so I could aim pedestrians."
He accelerates sharply, narrowly missing out an old lady which was passing the street. After that, he heard a massive thump.
"What the b**... h**... was that??" the driver asked
The drunk man replies, "You missed her, I got her with my door".
I bought a used Mercedes last week...
... and I'm really happy with everything about it, except that the windshield wipers always seem to leave streaks on the driver's side while the passenger side is spotless. I tried replacing the blades, but that didn't work. So I called the guy I bought it from to see if he had any advice, and all he said was "I noticed that too. I guess the glass is always cleaner on the other side of the Benz."
There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road
Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in a Mercedes-Benz picks a hitchiker up.
After a while, the hitchiker points at the Mercedes emblem and asks "What is that?"
The driver says "It's an optical sight. Every time I put someone in the crosshairs, I run them over. Here, look at this pedestrian". The driver pointed his car at the pedestrian, but turned away in the last moment. However, at the same time, the hitchiker opened and closed the door.
After that, the hitchhiker said "Your sight s**.... We wouldn't have hit him if I hadn't opened the door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toll Joke my buddy made up.
A young new toll operator is having his first day on the job with a skilled veteran of the booth. As they work in their conjoined shift, the veteran points out a gold Mercedes pulling up in the toll line. The Veteran nudges the kid and says " Dat guy dere ain't gone pay his full toll. " the young new worker looks at his predecessor like he's crazy. As the car pulls up, the driver is furiously digging for change. "I am so sorry! All I have is 73 cents!" The driver exclaimed. The Veteran nods him through anyway and then turns to the incredulous newbie and says "Toll jew"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver is stopped by the police...
...and the officer asks whether he's drunk or took any drugs. The driver denies but the policeman wants to investigate further and starts asking questions:
Officer: "You see two lights in the distance, what's that?"
Man: "A car, of course"
Officer: "yeah, but what car? A Mercedes, a BMW, an Audi, ...?"
Man: "How am I supposed to know?"
Officer: "Ok, different question: you see one light in the distance, what's that?"
Man: "a motorcycle!"
Officer: "yeah, but what motorcycle? A Harley Davidson, a Kawasaki, ...?"
The man is fed up so he answers:
"Let me ask you something first: you see a half n**... women standing next to the street, what's that?"
Officer: "a h**...!"
Man: "yeah, but what h**...? Your mother, your sister, your wife?"
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
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