merc Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious merc puns

All this 'Frozen' merchandise is just getting ridiculous.

I was at the supermarket earlier and they've now got a whole bloody aisle just for Frozen stuff.


Mercurian day

So - apparently one day on Mercury is an agonisingly long 1408 earth hours long...

In other words - one Earth Monday.



A beautiful woman is drinking alone at a bar. After a few drinks and a nice buzz she starts yelling that today is her birthday and her no good husband forgot all about it.

After a little while a brand new Mercedes pulls up in front of the bar. The woman loves cars, and especially loves that Mercedes, so she proceeds to stare at the entrance hoping the man who owns it will come in.

Finally a full ten minutes later a man comes into the bar. He looks around and sees the beautiful woman staring at him, he smiles and walks over to her and says. "Do you see that Mercedes out front? I..." but before he could get any further the woman says. "I will fuck you right now if you let me drive that car." The man is obviously shocked but thinks about it, smiles and says, "Okay but it has to be right now." So the woman immediately takes the man into the bathroom and has furious sex with him.

They come out of the bathroom smiling, then she sees her husband. She only continues to smile and says "well if you remembered it was my birthday none of this would've happened." The man walks up to the husband hands him a $20 dollar bill and says he can't accept this, throws the keys to the woman and says happy birthday from your loving husband.


A merchant had been selling salt and pepper for 30 years...

He's a pretty seasoned salesman


Came up with this when I was 8, have mercy.

What do you call a crazy person on the moon?

A lunartic.


Mercury asked the Sun what he was.

The Sun said: I'm a motherfucking star boy.


Why did the merchant refuse to sell me feces?

He didn't give a shit


Mercury curiously approaches the Sun with a question: "What kind of planet are you?"

I'm not not a planet," the Sun replies.

Amazed and confused Mercury inquires, "Then what are you? An asteroid? A *comet*?"

Already tired of the conversation, the Sun replies curtly, "I'm a motherfuckin' star, boi."


Why was the merchant murdered?

He was a trader to the crown.


What does Deadpool need?

Someone to merc him shut up.


How do you know that Mercy is a true blonde?

Because heroes never dye.


What are the most funny Merc jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Merc? Well, here are the best Merc dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Merc pick up lines to share with friends.


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