Menu Jokes
151 menu jokes and hilarious menu puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about menu that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your Christmas dinner memorable with this selection of witty jokes about restaurant and hotel menus. Get ready to order as you learn to make your favorite cheeseburger order sound spicier and enjoy the evening with your guests. Get inspired by this collection of menu jokes, ranging from classic carte jokes to funny restaurant stories!
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Funniest Menu Short Jokes
Short menu jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The menu humour may include short button jokes also.
- Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a korean restaurant.
- On a first date last night my date asked, 'So, what do you do?' Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'
- Wife: I am having an affair Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well. - Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please? Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!
- The waitress told me I could ask her 'anything about the menu' What a liar. She had no idea who printed it or where the paper came from.
- My date asked if I prefer cats or dogs. I replied, "I don't even see them on the menu. What page are you on?"
- At a restaurant.... Guy: hey can i ask a question about the menu please?
Waitress: the men i please is none of your business - Apparently, the FDA is okay with lab-grown meat Poodle-grown meat, however, is still off the menu.
- I was very angry when my waiter served me bowl of dust. But then he pointed out, it's written right there on the menu... "We only use the finest ingredients"
- 2020 is like when you where playing SIM CITY 2000 You got bored and started clicking on all the disasters menu options at the same time
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Menu One Liners
Which menu one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with menu? I can suggest the ones about meal and navigation.
- Donald Trump's menu from Walter Reed has been leaked He's eating just desserts
- I got gas for 2$ today. The taco bell value menu still slaps though
- What does a cannibal call a phone book? A menu
- Did you hear about the frugal cannibal? He only orders from the kids menu.
- Why did the rooster hide the menu from his wife? He was looking at Chicken breast.
- Why is there no cheese in the menu for the Last Supper? Because Jesus took the wheel.
- Subway released their new kids menu. They say it's Jared's favorite.
- Did you read the menu? 'Cause all I see is me 'n u
- How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight? because he chose from the kids menu
- Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u
- I thought I was visiting a Zoo in China Until someone handed me a menu.
- What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza
- What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over? The Grand I-slam
- United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu Beet Salad
- What's burnt and sounds like it should be on the McDonalds menu? McSkillet.
Restaurant Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny restaurant menu jokes and even better restaurant menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What will be a the menu of a restaurant named karma? There will be no menu you will get what you will deserve
- Do you wanna go to a restaurant? You cant spell menu without me n u
I'm gonna lose all my karma. - Dinner So, I'm having dinner with my Uncle at this chic restaurant. As he closed the menu shut, he says to the waitstaff I'll have the turtle soup and make it snappy!
- So I am opening an Italian style restaurant. Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.
I am gonna call it.... Big Parma. - I wish restaurant food looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer." - The local Chinese restaurant has creme brulee, but it's not on the menu. It's Secret Asian Flan
- I was looking at the menu in a restaurant wondering what the "Jeremy Clarkson Special" was Then it hit me
- The restaurant's menu said "Breakfast Any Time" So I ordered steak n' eggs from the Renaissance Period.
- Cannibal restaurant I went to a cannibal restaurant once, I asked for the menu and they gave me a phonebook...
- French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. "We swear at it"
Menu Items Jokes
Here is a list of funny menu items jokes and even better menu items puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a Macbook yesterday It was the most expensive item on the Happy Meal menu
- At the French restaurant I recently visited, my meal was filled with contempt (and cheese!) I could practically taste the hatred of the chef. No wonder the menu item is called "The Crepes of Wrath"
Chinese Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese menu jokes and even better chinese menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.
Hotel Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel menu jokes and even better hotel menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An old man went to a hotel but got into a barbershop instead. Old man: Let's see the menu!
Barber: Cutting and shaving.
Old man: Get me two plates of both!
Uproarious Menu Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about menu you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean restaurant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make menu pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
A man walked into a pub.....
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
At my school, the cafeteria has "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia...
...they served us nothing.
Computer joke of the day!
>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.
She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
Chinese restaurant
A man goes to a restaurant and without letting the waitress give him the menu says "I want a Medium Rare Ribeye steak with Roasted Potatoes in Marinara sauce." The waitress timidly responds "Sir. This is a Chinese restaurant." To which the man replies "Oh! I'm sorry. I want a Medium Lale Libeye steak with Loasted Potatoes in Malinala Sauce."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
she orders
*A guy takes a g**... a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: Do you eat like this at your mom's place? The girl replies, No, my mother doesn't plan to sleep with me after the meal.'
[Bad] Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu?
The prices were gastronomical...
(I'll show myself out...)
What did the man from the Northwest Territories say to the waitress when he didn't like anything on the menu?
I'll have Nunavut.
(hint: would be funnier if you were Canadian)
What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner?
Watson the menu
The hurricane Sandy.
A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."
Depression isn't officially on the menu at Taco Bell, but it comes with every meal
Truth
Domino's is introducing another health option to their menu...
a new crust stuffed with salad.
A lion goes into a restaurant
He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... could have simply avoided the Holocaust...
If he mandated a law for restaurants to include pork/bacon in all menu items.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Jared lose all that weight eating at Subway?
He just ordered off the children's menu.
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
Gordon Ramsay rejected all the photos taken to showcase his latest menu ...
... they were formatted RAW
Whats ISIS Favourite type of menu?
À la carte
A blind man walks into a restaurant, sits on a table and...
...the waiter hands him the menu.
Trying hard to help people lose weight
But they keep finding it on the dollar menu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Biker walks into a bar...
A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
I suffer from a mental condition where I am unconciously forced to ask for food in the wrong sequence, and sometimes I just plain ask for things that aren't on the menu, anyway...
It's a this order disorder disorder disorder.
My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.
There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.
Trump got a sandwich named after him at his favorite deli.
Commander in Cheese Meltdown.
They put it on the kid's menu.
I went on a date with a girl that I had a one-night stand with.
We arrived at the restaurant, sat down at our table and I scanned her face. She wasn't as attractive as I remembered.
As she looked through she menu, she said, "What are you having?"
I said, "Second thoughts."
I get really grumpy when the work canteen has Soylent Green on the menu.
I'm really not a people person.
I really like European food...
...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
The Three Little Pigs order off the vegan menu
But Mary Had a Little Lamb.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy goes into a deli
He looks over the menu:
Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
h**...: $250
He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the h**...?"
"I do!" She says with a smile!
"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"
I ordered "Texas Fries" off the bar menu...
I thought they would be *kinda* bad, but I didn't expect to receive fries floating in a bucket of water.
A fancy Indian restaurant just hired me to redo their entire menu...
I wish I could tell you more but I signed a naan disclosure agreement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Kevin Spaceys favorite chinese menu item?
Sum yung g**...
So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:
"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner
After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.
Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a q**... please."
"A q**...?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Jared from Subway lose weight?
He was ordering off the kids menu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When cannibals don't feel like eating an entire person, which menu do they order from?
The Kids Menu
My new joke
We were eating lunch at this place that was serving tequila chicken, but after the meal one of the guys questioned picking that particular menu item.
Him: I'm not sure that was chicken at all.
Me: Maybe it was tequila mockingbird.
Pa dum dum dishhh
Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations
Patrons may no longer order black coffee.
Any one need a vegetarian menu for prom night?
Girl: my date IS a vegetable
6 Irish set menu
5 glasses of beer and one bread .
DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell
Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...
She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."
See to find out
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket. I wrote back, Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.
A blind guy walls in to a bar
He asks the bartender if he has a menu in braille, the bartender nods and places it in front of him.
Eventually the blind guy gets fed up and leaves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My vegetarian friend
My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- j**... chicken'".
First Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
A French fry walks into a bar
- Can I see the menu, please?
- I'm sorry, but we don't serve food.
Hey can I see that menu?
Bro, sure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the man who smoked w**... order from the chinese menu?
Diiim Sum!
BS lunch meeting at the White House.
I wonder what's on the menu. Border Security is #2, of course. ;)
The bartender asked me if I wanted a menu
No thanks, I'm on a liquid diet. *Raises glass*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a rumor that "h**...'s" is going to open a new division.
The new operation will sell basically the same food menu, and employ a similar staff and concept, but for home
delivery. They plan on calling the new operation "k**...".
Waiter:"There's basically everything on our menu"
Customer:"I see. Now, would you please bring me a cleaner one?"
Now serving: the Titanic Wedge Salad!
It's made from iceberg lettuce.
Note: I did not make this up. This is actually on the menu at my former workplace (the dining room at my grandmother's retirement home).
