Menu Jokes
158 menu jokes and hilarious menu puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about menu that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your Christmas dinner memorable with this selection of witty jokes about restaurant and hotel menus. Get ready to order as you learn to make your favorite cheeseburger order sound spicier and enjoy the evening with your guests. Get inspired by this collection of menu jokes, ranging from classic carte jokes to funny restaurant stories!
Quick Jump To
- Short Menu Jokes
- Menu One Liners
- Restaurant Menu Jokes
- Menu Items Jokes
- Chinese Menu Jokes
- Hotel Menu Jokes
- More Menu Jokes
Funniest Menu Short Jokes
Short menu jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The menu humour may include short button jokes also.
- Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a korean restaurant.
- On a first date last night my date asked, 'So, what do you do?' Frowning, I held up the menu and said 'you just choose something from this book of food'
- Wife: I am having an affair Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well. - Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please? Waitress (slaps me): That's none of your business!
- The waitress told me I could ask her 'anything about the menu' What a liar. She had no idea who printed it or where the paper came from.
- My date asked if I prefer cats or dogs. I replied, "I don't even see them on the menu. What page are you on?"
- I'm going to check out the new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.
- A new restaurant named Karma just opened in my neighborhood. There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.
- At a restaurant.... Guy: hey can i ask a question about the menu please?
Waitress: the men i please is none of your business - Today's special menu The waiter asked, "Would you like to hear today's special?"
"Yes please," I smiled.
"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.
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Menu One Liners
Which menu one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with menu? I can suggest the ones about meal and navigation.
- How did Jared from Subway lose weight? He was ordering off the kids menu.
- Donald Trump's menu from Walter Reed has been leaked He's eating just desserts
- I got gas for 2$ today. The taco bell value menu still slaps though
- What does a cannibal call a phone book? A menu
- Did you hear about the frugal cannibal? He only orders from the kids menu.
- Did you hear McDonald's is adding a steak to their menu? I think it's a big McSteak.
- Yo mama so fat she looked at the menu and said OK
- Why did the rooster hide the menu from his wife? He was looking at Chicken breast.
- Why is there no cheese in the menu for the Last Supper? Because Jesus took the wheel.
- Subway released their new kids menu. They say it's Jared's favorite.
- Did you read the menu? 'Cause all I see is me 'n u
- How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight? because he chose from the kids menu
- Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u
- At the Karma Cafe, there is no menu you get what you deserve
- I thought I was visiting a Zoo in China Until someone handed me a menu.
Restaurant Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny restaurant menu jokes and even better restaurant menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Cake Day special: Hear about the new restaurant called karma? There's no menu... you get what you deserve.
- I heard about a new restaurant named karma But they have no menu
They said you get what you deserve - An African lady named Betty came into my restaurant today and asked, "Is there any chicken on the menu?" I replied, "No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
- They just opened a new Buddhist restaurant in my city... It's called Karma. The thing is, they don't have a menu.
Instead, you get what you deserve. - Karen came into my restaurant the other day and asked, "Can you tell me about the menu please?" So I kicked her out and told her that the men I please are none of her business!!
- What will be a the menu of a restaurant named karma? There will be no menu you will get what you will deserve
- Have you heard of the new restaurant? It's called Karma. They don't have a menu.
You get what you deserve. - I went to that new restaurant called karma Turns out there's no menu you get what you deserve
- Do you wanna go to a restaurant? You cant spell menu without me n u
I'm gonna lose all my karma. - Dinner So, I'm having dinner with my Uncle at this chic restaurant. As he closed the menu shut, he says to the waitstaff I'll have the turtle soup and make it snappy!
Menu Items Jokes
Here is a list of funny menu items jokes and even better menu items puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I am opening an Italian style restaurant. Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.
I am gonna call it.... Big Parma. - What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza
- United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu Beet Salad
- I bought a Macbook yesterday It was the most expensive item on the Happy Meal menu
- At the French restaurant I recently visited, my meal was filled with contempt (and cheese!) I could practically taste the hatred of the chef. No wonder the menu item is called "The Crepes of Wrath"
- What is Kevin Spaceys favorite chinese menu item? Sum yung g**...
- h**... could have simply avoided the Holocaust... If he mandated a law for restaurants to include pork/bacon in all menu items.
Chinese Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny chinese menu jokes and even better chinese menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.
- The local Chinese restaurant has creme brulee, but it's not on the menu. It's Secret Asian Flan
- What did the man who smoked w**... order from the chinese menu? Diiim Sum!
Hotel Menu Jokes
Here is a list of funny hotel menu jokes and even better hotel menu puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An old man went to a hotel but got into a barbershop instead. Old man: Let's see the menu!
Barber: Cutting and shaving.
Old man: Get me two plates of both!
Uproarious Menu Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about menu you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean restaurant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make menu pranks.
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
A man walked into a pub.....
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
A man walks into a burger joint
He sees a really pretty blonde lady working behind the counter. He looks at the menu, which reads
-Hamburger: $2.00
-Cheeseburger: $2.50
-h**...:$25.00
He thinks for a second, then asks the woman "Are you the one that gives h**...?"
She smiles and replies "I am."
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a burger."
At my school, the cafeteria has "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia...
...they served us nothing.
Computer joke of the day!
>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.
She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
A man walks into a bar...
and glances at the menu.
* **Sandwiches, $2**
* **Hand jobs, $5**
He calls over to the waitress, a gorgeous young blonde woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties.
"Hey, hi there. Are you the one doing the hand jobs?"
She smiles thinly, "Yes sir, I am."
"Well, wash your hands and put on some gloves. I'd like a sandwich."
Guy sits down at a diner
He is looking at the menu deciding what he wants when the person next to him orders a double cheeseburger. The waitress takes the order and pulls two frozen burger patties from the freezer. She sticks one under each armpit.
The guy asks what she is doing. She shrugs and says "defrosting the meat". The guy thinks for a minute and says "I'll have the hot dog".
[Bad] Why was the gourmet upset when he saw the menu?
The prices were gastronomical...
(I'll show myself out...)
Sandwich Walked Into a Bar
So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."
I was looking at the menu in a restaurant wondering what the "Jeremy Clarkson Special" was
Then it hit me
The hurricane Sandy.
A guy goes to a bar and looks at the drink menu to see if he can try a new cocktail that he never had before. He noticed there is a drink on the menu named "hurricane Sandy." The guy never heard of it before so he asks the bartender what is it. The bartender replied "It's a watered down Manhattan."
A lion goes into a restaurant
He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."
How did Jared lose all that weight eating at Subway?
He just ordered off the children's menu.
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
Gordon Ramsay rejected all the photos taken to showcase his latest menu ...
... they were formatted RAW
I wish restaurant food
looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer."
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
A man walks into a bar.
The menu reads
>Burger: $5
>h**...: $10
He slides a $10 bill to the female bartender and asks:
"Are you the girl who does the hand jobs?"
She responds with a smooth voice:
"Why yes I am"
The man then says:
"Then wash your hands, because I want two burgers"
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays
After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
A doctor walked into a restaurant
While he's ordering, he noticed the waiter kept scratching his behind and felt uneasy. Wanting to help, he asked the waiter, "you got hemorrhoid?"
The waiter thought for a second and then asked the doctor, "can you please order from the menu?"
I suffer from a mental condition where I am unconciously forced to ask for food in the wrong sequence, and sometimes I just plain ask for things that aren't on the menu, anyway...
It's a this order disorder disorder disorder.
My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.
There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.
Trump got a sandwich named after him at his favorite deli.
Commander in Cheese Meltdown.
They put it on the kid's menu.
A guy goes to a particularly strange drive thru...
The menu reads
Burgers - $5
h**... - $10
A s**... waitress says "Can I take your order?"
"Are you the girl doing the h**...?"
"Why yes, I am"
The man hands the waitress $10 and says "Well clean your hands, because I want two burgers."
I went on a date with a girl that I had a one-night stand with.
We arrived at the restaurant, sat down at our table and I scanned her face. She wasn't as attractive as I remembered.
As she looked through she menu, she said, "What are you having?"
I said, "Second thoughts."
I get really grumpy when the work canteen has Soylent Green on the menu.
I'm really not a people person.
I really like European food...
...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
I ordered "Texas Fries" off the bar menu...
I thought they would be *kinda* bad, but I didn't expect to receive fries floating in a bucket of water.
So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:
"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."
A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time.
After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives, it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter,"Whats with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner
After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.
Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a q**... please."
"A q**...?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."
When cannibals don't feel like eating an entire person, which menu do they order from?
The Kids Menu
My new joke
We were eating lunch at this place that was serving tequila chicken, but after the meal one of the guys questioned picking that particular menu item.
Him: I'm not sure that was chicken at all.
Me: Maybe it was tequila mockingbird.
Pa dum dum dishhh
Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations
Patrons may no longer order black coffee.
A man walks into a bar and a b**... blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, h**... $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell
Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
A weasel walks into a bar...
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender is stunned.
Wow I've never seen a weasel in my bar before! exclaims the bartender. What kind of alcohol would you like?
The weasel looks over the menu and shakes his head.
The bartender says, Okay no booze. Is there anything I can get for you? It's on the house!
Pop. goes the weasel.
Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...
She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."
See to find out
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket. I wrote back, Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.
My vegetarian friend
My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- j**... chicken'".
Have you heard about this new resturant called Karma
There´s no menu, you get what you deserve
A man walks into a bar...
and on the menu he sees Hamburgers $5, Cheeseburgers $6, h**... $10. He walks up to the bar and a beautiful brunette comes to take his order. She seductively leans over the bar and asks the man, Can I get you something dear? The man says Are you the one that makes the burgers and gives the h**...? She grins and says I sure am honey and winks at him. He says Great, can you wash your hands, I'd love a cheeseburger.
First Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
A French fry walks into a bar
- Can I see the menu, please?
- I'm sorry, but we don't serve food.
Waiter:"There's basically everything on our menu"
Customer:"I see. Now, would you please bring me a cleaner one?"
I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out n**... with the menu painted all over her body.
She asked if I was ready to order, I said I know what I want, but I just can't put my finger on it.
A business is at a hotel in NYC.
Ah the Big Apple! He is excited and goes down to get breakfast at the hotel restaurant before his meeting. He looks over the menu and the waiter comes after an slightly extended wait.
I'll have the short stack of pancakes the business man says with interest.
Very good remarked the waiter.
Oh ... glancing at his watch the business asks will they be long?
The waiter quickly responds No sir , they'll be round ...
Waiter: "What'll it be?"
Diner: "I'll have the chameleon."
Waiter: "That's not on the menu."
Diner: "How can you be sure?"
A travelling salesman walks into a bar...
He's going over the menu when a local guy slides onto the stool next to him, and just says one word: Waterloo.
Guessing he's onto something of a local speciality, he asks for one himself. He takes a deep swig and pulls a face: This doesn't taste like anything at all!!! he exclaims.
The local guy asks the bartender: Well, what did he expect? It's a water, innit Lou?
A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: h**... - $15'.
The girl asks: 'Can I help?
'Yes,' says the man, 'the h**..., are you the one giving them?'
The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'
The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'
I was very angry when my waiter served me bowl of dust. But then he pointed out, it's written right there on the menu...
"We only use the finest ingredients"
Here's a Gaelic joke translated...
3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they're ready to order.
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.
Poor Vampire: Erm.. just give me cup of hot water. I found a t**... on the way here...
I'll just have tea.
Diner: Can I ask about the menu please?
Waitress: The men I please are none of your business!
A duck walks into a bar....
He orders a few items from the menu, and decides on what he wants. After awhile the barkeep brings the food to the counter and the duck begins eating.
When the duck gets done, the barkeep asks the duck: How you wanna pay for this today?
The duck says: Put it all on my bill.
Heard about the new restaurant called karma?
There's no menu, you just get what others deserve.
