Mention Jokes
121 mention jokes and hilarious mention puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about mention that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Mention Short Jokes
Short mention jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The mention humour may include short refer jokes also.
- I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said thank you. I said don't mention it.
- I gave my friend an elephant for his room. He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it." - Not enough people mentions Jesus' biggest miracle... Having 12 close friends after age 30!
- I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks".
I said, "Don't mention it." - A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- I like to tell girls I have my own private jet But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi
- When speaking with Spanish people, make sure to always mention "mucho" It means a lot to them
- She told me she was too classy to sleep with a married man... Something I wish she'd mentioned before our honeymoon.
- Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was. They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.
- Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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Mention One Liners
Which mention one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with mention? I can suggest the ones about recall and named.
- There are 2 types of people 1. Those who are worth mentioning
- Did I mention my recliner is my best friend? We go way back.
- Did Thor ever mention he had a brother? He was very low-key about it.
- My friend gets mad when I mention he only has one ball. That's no reason to get testy.
- I got my friend an elephant to put in his room. He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."
- My wife says I talk in my sleep I don't believe it. No one at work ever mentioned it
- My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied "Don't mention it."
- I helped my friend hide a dead body. He said "Thanks."
I said "Don't mention it." - What do vegans and single moms have in common? They always have to mention it.
- Who was the first carpenter mentioned in the bible? Eve. She made Adam's hotdog stand.
- They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym they didn't mention it would hit back
- New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer than the men who mention it
- Is that placebo working for you? Well, now that you mention it, no.
- Why are whiteboards worthy of mention? They're remarkable.
- My dad was a workaholic. You mention work, he got drunk.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Mention Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about mention you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hint jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make mention pranks.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is...
You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
If you can't afford healthcare...
Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.
A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...
"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and p**...."
Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight...
Live longer, than the men, that mention it.
A biker walks into a bar
and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A doctor goes to confession...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."
The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."
The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."
The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"
The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."
The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my t**..., it's been sore for days."
The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."
I bought my friend an elephant for his room...
He was like, "Oh, wow! Thanks!"
And I was like, "Don't mention it!"
Guy tip:
If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.
Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium…
A Man asks his lover in a restaurant
Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?
Woman : I love your company the most darling!
Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love
Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke
*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it's two g**....
source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.
I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....
'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'
I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.
People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.
But it's Trudeau.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
I was so thankful....
I couldn't thank my friend enough for getting me into fight club.
"Don't mention it!", he said.
Alphabet Pick-up-line
Me: You remind of the 20 letters of the alphabet
Girl: There are 26 letters in the alphabet d**...
Me: Oh, I forgot to mention, U R A Q T
Girl: That still only makes 25 . . .
Me: Don't worry, I will give you that D later
I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply?
"At least it's all behind you."
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
I gave my friend an elephant
I gave my friend an elephant. It was standing in his living room. He said, "Thanks for the elephant". I said, "Don't mention it".
Whenever someone goes to the bathroom, my dad says, "Mention my name, you'll get a good seat."
Just kidding. I never knew my dad.
An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar
You only know because they mention it every other sentence
Today I saw a Japanese man rushing to the elevator
The door was closing, so I held it open for him.
He replied with, "Sank you".
Why did he have to mention Pearl Harbor like that?
4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.
According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking.
Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie.
Studies have shown that women who are overweight
Are more likely to outlive men that mention it.
A friend of mine was recently accused of having s**... with one of his clients...
As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training, wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.
With all this negative talk about Africa I thought I would mention something positive about the people there...
Their AIDS test results
Who is Laura Mercy?
And why do they mention her in every Reggae song?
Extra weight
A recent study has found that women who carry a bit of extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Donald Trump does not tell lies.
He said everyone would be covered under his Healthcare plan.
He just forgot to mention that the poor would be covered by 6 feet of dirt.
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as s**... as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
I bought my best friend a plush elephant to keep in his room.
Friend: "Thank's for the elephant!"
Me: "Don't mention it."
I really want my own reality show on TLC.
Did I mention that I am a morbidly obese little person with 18 children and I just escaped from Scientology!
I can't mention stds around my friend who has h**...
It's a sore spot
Once the night watchman received a pound too much in his pay-packet
But he didn't mention it to his boss. But his boss found out and deducted it the following payday.
'Hey, ' said the watchman, 'I am a pound short this week.'
'You didn't say anything last week when you were paid a pound too much, I noticed'
'NO', replied the watchman. 'I can overlook one mistake but when it happens twice, it's time to speak up!'
I used to work at a charity where nobody was allowed to mention Jesus
It was a non-prophet
Comcast's newest commercial really gave me a laugh.
They boasted their fast internet speeds, lower prices, and amazing customer service. Not to mention how they boasted supporting net neutrality.
Are there two companies named Comcast?
We all have that one vegan friend...
I said to mine, "Do you have to mention vegetables every single time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery".
Remeber when plastic surgery was a t**... subject?
Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why shouldn't you mention the number 288?
Because it's two g**....
Why are d**... like Diamonds?
Massive oversupply with artificial market restrictions in place. Everyone who has one thinks they are unique, and if one is in your hand you're expected to mention its size,
and fake ones are often just as good
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
Scientists say the universe is full of protons, neutrons and electrons.
But they forgot to mention morons.
Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
A couple mountainsclimbers where walking on a glacier.
One says too the other:"look my tour guide fell in that ravine last time I was up here". The other mountainclimber looks perplexed. "Why do you mention that so casually"? The first mountainclimber shrugs and says:"well it was already missing a couple pages".
"Theres an elephant in the room!" exclaimed my friend by surprise
"Don't mention it" I said
Studies show that a fear of spiders means that you're more likely to find them in your bed...
... Then I should mention that I have a fear of beautiful women with long legs
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
I mentioned in another thread how I was about to post a joke to /jokes
one of the mods asked, is it a common repost?
I said, No. Is that still required?
Recently bought my friend a stuffed elephant for her bedroom.
When I bought it for her, she was super happy and said thanks.
I said, don't mention it.
Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.
I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and p**....
Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:
Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.
If I saw my son playing with a Barbie I'd slap it out of his hands.
Because they are manufactured in China and I can't support products that are offshoring labor to a country with numerous human rights violations. Not to mention, that's super gay.
If everyone saw the world through my eyes
there'd be widespread fatalities in transportation and medicine not to mention mass panic as everyone started falling over and bumping into stuff
I was scanning radio stations and landed on a religious show where the host made mention of Jesus's will.
I thought wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.
I like to say you're in my prayers to people I despise...
Did I mention I'm an atheist?
My friend bought a new house so I bought him an elephant for his room.
He said Thanks
I said Don't mention it .
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer
... than the men who mention it.
It was my friends birthday so I bought him an elephant for his room
He said "thanks" and I replied "don't mention it"
I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!
That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
Plastic surgery used to be a t**... subject
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow
My girlfriend invited me to meet her parents.
Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.
When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, Dale, it's great to meet you. Is your other half in the kitchen?
A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.
Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."
Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"
Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."
Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19
In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was v**... on his sweater already.
Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.
Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted." Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?
Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."
I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject..
..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
