The Best 64 Mention Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mention jokes. There are some mention imply jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mention include puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Mention Jokes and Puns

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is...

You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

If you can't afford healthcare...

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.

A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...

"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."

The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"

"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."

"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.

"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and panties."

Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight...

Live longer, than the men, that mention it.

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."

The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."

The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."

The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"

The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."

The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my throat, it's been sore for days."

The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."

Mention joke, A doctor goes to confession...

Guy tip:

If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium…

My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club.

I replied "Don't mention it."

You can explore mention conceit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mention cite dad jokes. There are also mention puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A Man asks his lover in a restaurant

Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?

Woman : I love your company the most darling!

Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love

Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke


*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer

than the men who mention it

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

My friend gets mad when I mention he only has one ball.

That's no reason to get testy.

Mention joke, My friend gets mad when I mention he only has one ball.

I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply?

"At least it's all behind you."

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

I gave my friend an elephant

I gave my friend an elephant. It was standing in his living room. He said, "Thanks for the elephant". I said, "Don't mention it".

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

Studies have shown that women who are overweight

Are more likely to outlive men that mention it.

I gave my friend an elephant for his room.

He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."

I like to tell girls I have my own private jet

But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi

Donald Trump does not tell lies.

He said everyone would be covered under his Healthcare plan.

He just forgot to mention that the poor would be covered by 6 feet of dirt.

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..

-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

I got my friend an elephant to put in his room.

He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."

Mention joke, I got my friend an elephant to put in his room.

They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym

they didn't mention it would hit back

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What do vegans and single moms have in common?

They always have to mention it.

Did Thor ever mention he had a brother?

He was very low-key about it.

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

Scientists say the universe is full of protons, neutrons and electrons.

But they forgot to mention morons.

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!Β 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:

Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.

My friend bought a new house so I bought him an elephant for his room.

He said Thanks

I said Don't mention it .

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

... than the men who mention it.

It was my friends birthday so I bought him an elephant for his room

He said "thanks" and I replied "don't mention it"

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thanks".

I said, "Don't mention it."

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject

Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow

My girlfriend invited me to meet her parents.

Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.

When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, Dale, it's great to meet you. Is your other half in the kitchen?

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."

Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"

Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted." Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?

Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."

I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject..

..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

Cosmetic surgery used to be a pretty taboo subject

Now you mention botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

My mother has the biggest boobs in the world

My mom always get raging mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest boobs. She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.

My cat's favourite handheld console is the PSP

I only have to mention it a few times, and he comes running

I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.

They smiled and thanked me so I said, *"Don't mention it."*

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government is doing nothing to stop them. Not to mention that they are dirty and they smell bad! They don't even speak English!!!" the guy rants to the bartender. "I hate babies."

4 million of these people...

### 4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was.

They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.

"How can you watch Victoria Secret Fashion Week but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked

" The same way I watch Formula One whole weekend but still drive my trusted 2012 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

When speaking with Spanish people, make sure to always mention "mucho"

It means a lot to them

Have you noticed that there is no mention of any kind of mushroom on middle earth, through the entire LOTR trilogy?

It was created by a non fungi-ble Tolkien

I made an origami elephant for a friend.

I gave it to them, and they said Thanks, I'll put it in my room!

I said Don't mention it!

I helped my friend hide a dead body.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."

A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly…..

she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them."
"Why not?" asked her friend.
"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."

"Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?"

I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.

Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.

One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller's path…

He sadly died that day, but the most important thing was he proved that he had guts.

My wife woke me up around Dawn, screaming her head off

I should mention Dawn was our babysitter.

My wife said, I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, and don't even mention your obsession with Tennis.

I replied, "That's 15 love."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mention irrelephant puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mention elephant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes