The Best 61 Mention Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Mention jokes. There are some mention imply jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these mention include puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Mention Jokes and Puns

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is...

You don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

If you can't afford healthcare...

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

Is that placebo working for you?

Well, now that you mention it, no.

Mention joke, Is that placebo working for you?

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is

you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.

A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...

"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."

The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"

"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."

"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.

"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and panties."


Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight...

Live longer, than the men, that mention it.

A biker walks into a bar

and tells the bartender that he has a blonde joke. The bartender says, "I'd be careful saying a blonde joke here. On your left is a blonde lady that does mixed martial arts, and on your right is a blonde female cop. Not to mention, there are 3 blonde lady bartenders including myself. Are you sure you still want to tell it?" The biker then replies, "Well, not anymore if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Mention joke, A biker walks into a bar

A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."

The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."

The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."

The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"

The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."

The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my throat, it's been sore for days."

The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."

Guy tip:

If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's Furniture Emporium…

You can explore mention conceit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mention cite dad jokes. There are also mention puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club.

I replied "Don't mention it."

A Man asks his lover in a restaurant

Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?

Woman : I love your company the most darling!

Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love

Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke


*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross.

source: someone told me this joke, it's not my joke.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer

than the men who mention it

Mention joke, New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

Alphabet Pick-up-line

Me: You remind of the 20 letters of the alphabet

Girl: There are 26 letters in the alphabet dumbass

Me: Oh, I forgot to mention, U R A Q T

Girl: That still only makes 25 . . .

Me: Don't worry, I will give you that D later

My friend gets mad when I mention he only has one ball.

That's no reason to get testy.


I mentioned my back pain to my dad in passing today. His reply?

"At least it's all behind you."

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

I gave my friend an elephant

I gave my friend an elephant. It was standing in his living room. He said, "Thanks for the elephant". I said, "Don't mention it".

Today I saw a Japanese man rushing to the elevator

The door was closing, so I held it open for him.
He replied with, "Sank you".

Why did he have to mention Pearl Harbor like that?

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking.

Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie.

Studies have shown that women who are overweight

Are more likely to outlive men that mention it.

A friend of mine was recently accused of having sex with one of his clients...

As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training, wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.

I gave my friend an elephant for his room.

He told me "thank you."
I said "don't mention it."

I like to tell girls I have my own private jet

But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi

Extra weight

A recent study has found that women who carry a bit of extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Donald Trump does not tell lies.

He said everyone would be covered under his Healthcare plan.

He just forgot to mention that the poor would be covered by 6 feet of dirt.

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..

-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

I got my friend an elephant to put in his room.

He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."

I can't mention STDs around my friend who has herpes

It's a sore spot

They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym

they didn't mention it would hit back

Once the night watchman received a pound too much in his pay-packet

But he didn't mention it to his boss. But his boss found out and deducted it the following payday.

'Hey, ' said the watchman, 'I am a pound short this week.'

'You didn't say anything last week when you were paid a pound too much, I noticed'

'NO', replied the watchman. 'I can overlook one mistake but when it happens twice, it's time to speak up!'

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

I used to work at a charity where nobody was allowed to mention Jesus

It was a non-prophet

Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What do vegans and single moms have in common?

They always have to mention it.

Did Thor ever mention he had a brother?

He was very low-key about it.

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

Scientists say the universe is full of protons, neutrons and electrons.

But they forgot to mention morons.

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!Β 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Recently bought my friend a stuffed elephant for her bedroom.

When I bought it for her, she was super happy and said thanks.

I said, don't mention it.

Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:

Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.

My friend bought a new house so I bought him an elephant for his room.

He said Thanks

I said Don't mention it .

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

... than the men who mention it.

It was my friends birthday so I bought him an elephant for his room

He said "thanks" and I replied "don't mention it"

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thanks".

I said, "Don't mention it."

I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts!

That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend

Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject

Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow

My girlfriend invited me to meet her parents.

Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.

When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, Dale, it's great to meet you. Is your other half in the kitchen?

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."

Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"

Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was vomit on his sweater already.

Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted." Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?

Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."

I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject..

..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

Cosmetic surgery used to be a pretty taboo subject

Now you mention botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

A martial arts instructor sees one of his students heading in to a nunnery,he thinks I will mention it to him at our next class.

The next class he says to the man. I seen you heading in to the nunnery the other day there. The man replied. I was just practicing my nunchucks

My mother has the biggest boobs in the world

My mom always get raging mad whenever I mention that she has the world biggest boobs. She tells me that is improper to be introducing my two brothers to strangers like that and I should instead introduce them by their proper names.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the mention irrelephant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working mention elephant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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