Delightful Fun Mentally Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
So I'm already kind of mentally unstable and my girlfriend just told me that she's pregnant.
I think I'm having a zygotic episode.
I had a t**... on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a mentally challenged lion?
A leotard
What do they do at a prom for a school of the mentally disabled?
Slow dance.
Why was the mentally challenged midget crying?
He was a little down.
I came up with a really good mentally handicapped joke the other day.
But I'd rather not say it, I don't wanna bring anyone Down.
The vet determined that my horse constantly imagines himself to be homeless.
He has been declared mentally unstable.
I work with mentally disabled people. Today I tried to tell a client the Nacho Cheese joke.
"Hey, you have nachos! What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
"Tasty!" -Holds up a-okay sign-
"...Well...you aren't wrong!"
Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs?
Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it.
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
Two guys from the mentally challenged ethnic group of your choice are building a house
One notices that the other is discarding half of the nails that he pulls out of his pouch.
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
"The head is on the wrong end."
"Don't throw them away, you idiot! Those are for the other side of the house!"
You can explore mentally formulas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mentally psychological dad jokes. There are also mentally puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a mentally ill bike trail?
A psyclepath.
One of my female friends said that she thinks of me like a teddy bear
because the only people who would want to have s**... with me are mentally unstable.
I'm sick of people saying, "Its political correctness gone mad!"
That's offensive. You should say "Its political correctness gone mentally ill".
So a mentally disturbed man walks into a dentist's office.
He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I think I'm a moth!"
"You think you're a moth??" the dentist asks.
"Yes!"
"Well you don't need a dentist... you need a psychiatrist."
"I know," says the man.
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Well, you're light was on, so..."
A mentally ill man visits his doctor
This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:
A mentally ill man visits his doctor.
While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."
to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"
What did the mentally handicapped kid get on his math test?
Drool
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who .....
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed."
My dog's full of useful information like that.
What is the recommended psychological treatment for mentally ill statisticians?
Regression therapy
Scientists have recently discovered the existence of a mentally unstable microscopic parasite on the moon...
Apparently it's a real lunatic
What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?
Mentally in-stable.
What does a mentally challenged Time Lord use for travel?
A retardis.
What does a mentally disabled lizard said to be diagnosed with?
A Reptile Dysfunction
*ba dum tss*
I'll be here all night folks
I'm getting really sick of all this hate for Donald Trump.
It isn't nice to make fun of mentally ill people.
What do you call a mentally disabled firefighter?
Flame retardant
What do you call a mentally challenged feather pillow?
A downs pillow.
What do you call a mentally r**... chef?
A slow cooker
What do you call a mentally impaired French Man that cant say no?
A Oui-t**...
What do you call 3 mentally handicapped people applying for the same job?
American politics
What do you call a mentally challenged Jew?
Auschwistic
What do you get when you have s**... with an STD infested mentally challenged person?
The slow clap
what do you call a bunch of mentally challenged superheroes
the inbredibles
What do you call a mentally challenged person on drugs?
Baked Potato
I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night
I wanted my first time to be special.
If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment...
... can you justifiably call them "a little tardy"?
I challenge you to a battle of wits at high noon! Do you accept?
Yes you say?! Well consider yourself mentally challenged.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Tinder announced a new feature this week which gives users 37 gender options to choose from
And it's now easier than ever to avoid matching with the mentally unstable
s**... and mentally confused white bear
Bipolar bear
What do mentally r**... parents give their kids?
Hand me Downs.
You can't say America isn't inclusive and progressive
The Current president is a black man and latest election was between a female and a mentally handicapped person.
Tormented for over an hour... that poor mentally disabled man...
But, you have to give the intel folks who brief Trump, credit for trying.
I thought about posting a riddle to challenge everyone mentally
But most of you seem mentally challenged already.
I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...
...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Finding Nemo is a real thriller!
I tried to cheer my mentally challenged friend up...
...but I guess I shouldn't have said "Don't let an extra chromosome get you down."
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
My mother took to me one of those buildings where they take the mentally ill.
A church.
A rich, young man walks into a bar.
He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally r**... man outside the building.
Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.
A sad day indeed
About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.
They're not mentally disabled...
They're homies with extra chromies
What do you call a r**... pickle?
Mentally Dill
So this is society..
Muslim Shooter = entire religion guilty
Black Shooter = entire race guilty
White shooter = mentally troubled lone wolf
If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.
But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.
I believe in giving jobs to the mentally disabled...
but we shouldn't elect them President.
What do you call a mentally challenged time machine?
A retardis
What kind of fish can only be caught by a mentally unstable fisherman?
A crayfish.
Americans are the best when it comes to taking care of their mentally ill.
..they make them their President.
I'm starting a program for mentally disabled people to restart there life with all of the technological advancements they may have missed out on when they were young.
It's called "are you restarted?"
A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper
He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"
Why was the daydreaming horse put in an asylum?
He was mentally unstabled
Why is Kim Jong Un so crazy?
His father was mentally Il.
Did you hear there's a pilot who only gives plane rides to mentally challenged kids??
What goes up must have downs
Did you hear about the fire at the school for the mentally disabled?
Some of the kids started it because they thought they were fire retardant.
Did you know the original programmer of Oregon Trail was beaten to death by mentally ill Discworld fan?
He died of dissin' Terry.
A psychiatric patient believed he was running with the bulls.
He was mentally in Spain.
Bringing her home to meet mother
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
Funny Comeback
I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*
Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?
Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it
Me: well god also gave you a mouth to eat, you abused that privilege.
Girl: -speechless-
Me: oh and you might want to wipe that ketchup off your chin
Girl: *goes to wipe chin*
Me: no, your other chin
In Germany it's common for mentally ill patients to be committed to least ten different facilities.
They're in-zehn asylums.
Person 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person 2: Why did it?
Person 1: Because he wanted to visit his friend, who is mentally ill.
Person 2: Oh how sad
Person 1: Ok then. Knock Knock.
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: The chicken
What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years?
Jennay.
I had to show a knife to my mentally unstable friend who was being violent
Sad it came to this point
Cuckoo-clock...
Cuckoo-clock: tik-tak, tik-tak.
Cuckoo-clock with a mentally r**... cuckoo: Tik-Tok, Tik-Tok
Movies
Friend 1: I just watched a film in which a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and has to chase thr kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend 2 : Uhhh....what was it called?
Friend 1: Finding Nemo
How many Catholics does it take to mentally scar a child for life?
Nun.
Accounting is hard
I guess you could say its mentally taxing
I identify as an elongated fish.
People say I'm mentally eel.
Some say Trump is mentally unfit after declaring a national emergency?
However, it's all due to Hispanic attacks.
At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.
They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.
Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:
>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<
How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?
Crazy Glue...
What do you call a person who kills cereal?
Mentally ill.
What's the difference between school and church?
In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
Ofcourse mentally disabled people should be allowed to have jobs...
But to make them president of the United States is a bit to much.
I'm in a bad place right now
Not mentally, just in america
I'm thinking of joining a gym.
I'm keeping mentally active.
I started therapy the other day
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.
I was gonna make an antimasker joke.
But my parents taught me to not make fun of the mentally disabled.
A 90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Full disclosure, I got this joke from Tom Jones on Marc Maron's w**... podcast today. Tom's 80, mentally spry like he's 30, and he swears like a sailor.
----
90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Says Doctor, it used to be that I'd get these erections so hard that I couldn't even bend them with two hands! 16, 17, 18 years old, all through my twenties... 30, I could bend a little bit, 40s a little bit more. 50s and 60s I'm getting it to about a 90 degree angle, and now I'm 90 I can bend it in half!
I'm getting stronger, right?"
What do you call a mentally handicapped bakery?
We tart it.
What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking m**... rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?
Blunt force trauma
What do you call a mentally challenged rapper?
Why a rap autist of course.
I found out that the girl I'm dating is a gold digger
Idk how to tell her but I don't like gold diggers. It's not safe for her mentally as well as physically and the mine she works at doesn't give them health insurance or anything. What should I do?
My wife and I have been plagued by birds chirping outside our window at night, and it's upsetting her
She asks me "What kind of bird chirps at night?! Isn't that a morning thing?!"
I tell her "Well, the bird likes to chirp at all hours, and is obviously mentally ill or crazy, so it can only be one kind..."
"What's that?"
"A *cuckoo* bird!"
"......."
I don't think I've ever seen her roll her eyes that hard at anything I've ever said. (Borat thumbs) GREAT SUCCESS!
